Why do I always get into shouting matches with my wife about?

Question

where to go get gasoline for our cars

Answer 1

Again... communication! lol

Answer 2

Because you are having a power struggle. The 'topic' of what you fight about is an outlet for the 'issue' you two are not willing to address.

Self-preservation is that pesky little tendency to believe that we are always right, justified, our views are correct, and our priorities trump all others. We ALL feel this way.

We tend to become self-absorbed when we are around someone a lot. We assume that they know us so well that they should just think like we do. In a marriage, we assume that our mere persence fulfills out partner, and they owe us fulfillment in return.

That's both right and wrong. We promise each other fulfillment, but we sometimes forget to make the effort. We want to 'convince' our partner that we are right, and sometimes get downright nasty about it.

People assume that raising their voice and assassinating the opponent proves their point. It doesn't. It's counterproductive. What it does is cause hurt feelings and hidden resentments that come out in the 'topics' that you end up fighting about.

What to do? Seek to understand before expecting to be understood. Decide to be the hero and change your approach. If you want your partner to change something, change something about yourself first. A new approach instigates a different response.

Ask the questions. What is she really upset about? Why is that important? What does she want you to do?

Show some empathy. Guess how something causes her to feel, and tell her that. So what if you are wrong. Make an effort to walk in her shoes. This demonstrates respect and acceptance. It also gives you the chance to clarify your intentions to her.

You will find out that you two perceive things differently, and you react emotionally before understanding the other one's intentions. Never make the mistake that perception equals intent.

Tell her "When you are upset with me, first, know that I never meant to upset you. Then ask me what I meant."

This is all so fixable. You just have to understand what self preservation is, and realize that if you want something, you must be willing to give it to get it. Understand and appreciate that you two think differently and perceive differently. That's ok, because we all do.

Answer 3

ok, from reading all of these answers there are a ton of girls on here going on a power trip. The best way to fix the situation is to look at her and smile and say I buy my gas here and you buy it there, end of story, give her a hug and walk away if she continues to yell, smile and say it again. Eventually she'll get the picture. Plus the bonus to you winning the argument is that it looks like your not getting a rise out of her argument and it'll make her more angry, . You should really try this, I did it with my mom and she got a rise out of it in a different way.

Answer 4

I call that the "cap off the toothpaste" phenomenon. The conversation goes something like this:
Wife: You left the cap off the toothpaste again.
Husband: So what? Just put it back on.
Wife: You don't love me/respect me/desire me!!!!
Husband: What?!?!?!? What the hell does that have to do with toothpaste?!
It isn't really about the car or the gas. Look deeper to see what is under your anger. And hers. There must be something else. I think you know that, too.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Well, I would just go with whatever's cheapest. Wherever has the cheapest gas is the right place.. but I always get in arguments similar to that too.. so don't feel bad. you aren't alone. LOL my last one was over where to buy the carton of cigarettes.arrgh

Answer 6

Anger is the inability to solve a problem.

Answer 7

its just a difference in opinion

Answer 8

Can we make a "Sean's Fans CLub" here?

Answer 9

because you shoud just let your wife choose and be a happy hubby.

Answer 10

Cause you are too silly for words!

Answer 11

because you should always listen to your wife.