Should I try to reconcile with my friend who blew me off for months for her boyfriend?

Question

I've known her since highschool. When I started dating the man who is now my husband, I always made sure I still spent plenty of time with her and my other friends. She even told me that we were the only couple that she actually liked hanging out with. Even when I had a job and was in college, we still talked everyday and hung out. Even when I got married, had a baby, and started my own business, I still made plenty of time for her. Several months ago, she started dating a guy who my husband is friends with. They got serious fast, and moved in together almost right away. And all of a sudden, it was like I dont exist anymore. Like she was just using me to bide her time until she would have a man. I tried still calling her and going out of my way for her, but when she didnt reciprocate, I gave up. Her excuse is that work keeps her too busy. Well, I dont consider 30hrs a week of work to be all that demanding. She stopped by while I was gone yesterday. Said we should come see

their new place. Well, the funny thing is, all this time that we havent been talking, I havent missed her one bit. I have realized that I was the giver in the friendship, and got nothing in return. She was never there for me when I made it clear that I needed her. Should I try and reconcile in hopes that she has grown up and finally realized that she needs more than just a man? Or should I just write it off? What would you do?

Also, I tried talking to her about it. Shes been acting so weird, and always negative and b*tchy. Other people have even asked me whats up with her, since I am supposed to be her best friend. She says there is nothing wrong, we are all crazy, and that shes the happiest she has ever been. She completely denies that there is a problem at all. And its not just been a few months. I would understand a month or two for them to get settled, but its been nearly a year. I'm not the only one who notices the absence of her once positive self, but shes in complete denial. I tried talking to her about it in a loving way, telling her I'm here for her if she needs me. But yeah... nothin. One day, she was pestering me, trying to get me to tell her who had been asking whats wrong with her. I said it was their business to talk to her about it if they want. I changed the subject to the fact that I've been really sick, and she hung up on me. Is there anything worth saving? Would YOU try?

Answer 1

Give her another chance and explain to her how you feel. It is possible she got caught up in the relationship and forgot that she had a friend. She should have learned from your example. There is also another possibility, maybe he is controlling her. Sometimes people can't go see their friends because someone tells them no. He might be choosing her life for her. The most complicated thing is, that your husband is good friends with the boyfriend. You should try harder to force the issue with your friend and find out. Something doesn't sound right.

Answer 2

I have been reading the stories you wrote and only one thing came to mind:been there, done it:I consider myself always to be the "giver" in any relationship.It is good that i have learned by chance ,what to do with it.
Ignore my own nagging feelings.
Get over it and move on.
But you are surrounded with people that keep reminding you,so you wil never let go,in fact the feeling being used is strengthened,by all the messages you get.
Tell people no more about whats going on:in fact let go of no more information about the past:it says it: that word:PAST!!!!!!!!
Not funny,but life comes with good and bad and ugly things.Deal with the bad,maybe turn that to good again.but delete the"ugly".My advice to you is ignore the situation.
See who will comma knocking.
And then you can't make it for what ever reason:let it go.It will take you some more time to get over it,but look into the future:aren't you better off without her??
And like me learn a bit to put the breaks on that always giving.for instance:my neighbours have a very large farden and i helped them to design one and helped them.
but the year after i was asked to put more plants in.etc.In fact :all they did is drive me from grower to grower to get the most expensive plants.They are dentists with a good running businnes.
But did never have time to upkeep the garden,so when they took their three kids to France where they have their second house,their au pair and me each worked about eightty hours in the garden.
Do you think they ever thanked us:no way.
A year later.I do go to the clinic,as I AM A PATIENT THERE,WHEN THEY ASK ME:HOW ARE YOU ALL I SAY:BUSY AS HELL,HAVE HARDLY TIME TO WHIPE MY ***.
And feed no more info.
To no one,So I dont get to hear all the time:you were always so close with them.Now they send the kids over with all kinds of excuses.All i say to the kids:if your mom or dad want to talk to me,they can come over,but tell them i can spare a few moments ,because i am doing something important right now.Never saw them of course,And I do not avoid them at all,no it is the other way around,they rather not face me:they feel where the problem lies:with them.I ignore comments by other neighbours about it,change subject in a millisecond,so they feel that talking about it is not a good idea.And now I donot even care what the F is going on around me.Who i meet and great is my businness and nobody elses.
Can you learn to do this too.????????????greetings Rob.Reread and reread or e-mail me:you are welcome to do so.

Answer 3

Well, hmmm...
I would have to say that if you have tried everything you can possibly think of, and got nothing, then maybe it is time for you to move on. In a friendship, everything has to be 50/50. One person can't give, give, and give some more with the other person giving nothing.
Sit her down (if you can) and explain to her how she's making you feel; tell her everything you've told us. And if she blows you off yet again, then I'd have to say that she's not truly your friend to begin with. Let her go and one day a friend will come that will know how to be true friend to you. Don't waste your time on someone who will treat you that way. Life is too short. Good Luck! I wish you all the best in your situation!♥

Answer 4

When you think the time is right,explain to her how you felt after she started dating.I know you're truly happy for your friend and all but she should've set aside some time as well for the two of you.It sounds like your friendship is too strong to end and it doesn't sound like she intended to blow you off (she probably had alot on her mind) and I know you were there for her even in YOUR most difficult times like when you got a job,she probably needed more time to organize things with the man she moved in with.I'm sure if you just talk with her,she will realize what she did and apologize but by the looks of it your friend had no intention of deserting you for a couple of months.

Answer 5

Honey you was being a good friend to her and did your bit...if she is giving up on the friendship and there is nothing you can do about it then just let it be. You cannot expect others to treat you as well as you treat them no matter how hard you try...If she wants to be your friend she knows where you live...let her make the next move.
And to answer your other question, that is not cold hearted at all. You have to know when to say when...you did all you could do...
BTW I think you are a great friend and she will miss having you in her life someday...

Answer 6

in the end, it boils down to how much you value your friendship, doesn't it? don't cut her off entirely, after all you share quite a history together, but at least now you know where you stand. or maybe you can talk it out. sounds like she hasn't had someone in a while, maybe she's just blindsided by love at the moment. people make mistakes all the time. sounds to me like she's realized hers and is trying to make amends. good luck! ps: there's no friends like childhood friends. ;)