Married people only..?

Question

do you think you can be in love with someone get married , and five years later your not in love anymore and regret ever doing so. cause i don't love my husband anymore after five years and we have a kid together and i'm only staying because of the kid. he don't know this it would kill him. he's a nice guy , works veryhard ,loves me . but i'm not feelin' him anymore i just want to be free to think about me. am i going through the change of life or being selfish. i cook 7 days a week, i wash ,clean,i have unwanted sex .and i have my son with me 24/7 while he works two jobs to pay the bills.we have no family near by or friends that will baby sit .so we have not gone out in three years.and i'm tried. what would you do???????

Answer 1

I think the burden of caring for a child, plus being alone most of the time, without adult company is getting overwhelming.
I have been through similar feelings.

Can you get another sitter? Since there are no family, friends locally, the only way you can get out is by hiring a sitter. You can ask through colleges, churches, even local moms clubs for referrals.
Another suggestion: try to find a MOMS Club. you can find other moms locally and get together with other women with children. that way you will have adult company. Search on your web browser for MOMS club, they will direct you to a local branch.
It probably isn't about you and your husband falling out of love. The time together and quality of it has suffered.
You need to get some of that back. It is a shame your husband has to work 2 jobs. What shift(s)?

I hated this horribly, but I had to work (and still do) 2nd shift and my husband works 1st. We do have a mother in law to babysit for a few hours and my work is part time, but it's what we had to do to make end meet.
Another woman I met from work just works on weekends (because it's when her husband is home, then she' s home during the week)
It would be great if your husband did not have to work 2 jobs.

It just seems like you (and your husband) are overworked and overwhelmed.

And yes, kids do make things difficult. I never realized how hard kids would be until I had them.

But you should definitely get yourself a social outlet , and some time for just you and your husband. it will make you both happier.
Dont' listen to anyone who says you are selfish. While it would be a really bad idea to just split up, you are going through a lot. It is hard being in this kind of situation especially since it seems like it will never end.
Besides, everyone is selfish to some extent. People have needs and wants. Nobody wants to go through life unfulfilled and without a social outlet or romance in marriage. that is an unreasonable expectation. But you can change it. Do that before it gets worse.
Best of luck to you! I'll be thinking of you.

Answer 2

Wow so I get to be the unpopular one by saying this. But here goes I think your selfish! You married someone to young you had a child with a man you don't love and now you want your freedom. The fact is your child did not ask to be brought into this world if you want child care then I suggest getting a job to pay for it instead of using someone you don't love to give you what you thought would be a charmed life. You don't know how blessed you are. My husband and I have been married five years and we both have to work so it doesn't leave as much time for each other. till the weekend then it's back to the daily grind of life. So you have to cook and clean and watch the child you brought into this world I have to do all that plus work a full time job why don't you ask your mother what she had to do. If you don't love your husband I suggest looking at yourself before putting all on him.

Answer 3

Well this is hard to start off with it's good you're putting you're child first... As far as no break it does suck I've been married for almost 10 yrs now and have 2 boys I have not had a break in over 5 yrs it's hard... If you're not into you're spouse anymore you should let him know it's not fair on you or him for later on down the line you'll only be regretting the whole situation... Friends and family would be a great help when you're feeling this way so maybe a phone call to them would work so you can get some family input on what to do!!! I hope all works out for the best and keep you're child number one for now and soon there will be time for you... Remember the saying all good things come to those who wait.... BEST WISHES....

Answer 4

Please don't give up on your marriage just yet. You're feeling the way you do because you've fallen into this routine of cleaning house and caring for your son and husband and have no time for yourself. Everyone needs some "me" time now and then...and there is nothing selfish about that. I've been married 22 years and have gone through spells of that...everyone has. You need to let your husband know this if you haven't already. Certainly there is at least 1 time a week that he can stay with your son while you do something for yourself, even if it's just getting out to do shopping. Please don't feel guilty about it...everyone needs a break once in a while. Good luck to you :)

Answer 5

The grass is not always greener on the other side, trust me, I have been there. Is there a church you could go to to make friends? Your husband doesn't deserve what you will be putting him through. You made a vow to your husband and it isn't his fault you are going through this. Talk to your doctor, see what he says. You may be lonely and depressed.
What made you fall in love with your husband to start with? Before you do something you will regret later, talk to your husband. Maybe he is just as unhappy with your monotonous life as you are. Maybe you can both do something together that will make your marriage stronger. I am sorry that you are going through this. I knew that my situation was not isolated, but I am in awe of how many women actually go through the same thing. I am sure that this is what causes infidelity. Good luck! You are in my prayers.
What made me stay was asking the question, "What would make me happy?" While I didn't know the exact answer, I knew it wasn't going to be causing my husband and children so much pain.

Answer 6

I HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION!


it is not that you do not love him anymore, you are unhappy with yourself. do not confuse the two things.
Do not ruin your life, your husbands, your children life by having an affair or divorcing. what you are experiencing is life. try to choose to enjoy the things you do. you are better off finding that love for him again. because if you loose him. you have to start over again meet another guy. and soon after that you may not have the feeling for him either. and you will find yourself in the same situation. you have to find your own happiness. your husband seems like a good man . does he Miss treat you. does he mistreat the children. he works hard to pay for the things you need.
i know all; about it because my now ex wife experienced what you experienced. now she regrets it very very much. but it is too late. you have to find your own happiness. it is not the situation you are in. because it does not sound like you are in harms way.
you just need a rest.and some fun. so talk with your husband and find each other . He must feel something is wrong. talk be playful be positive about finding each other again. it really is the best way to go

Answer 7

I AM NOT MARRIED BUT BEEN IN A VERY SIMILAR SITUATION. I WOULD SAY FIRST ATTEMPT COUNSELING AND BE OPEN WITH YOUR HUSBAND THAT IT IS NEEDED FOR BOTH OF YOU GUYS HAPPINESS. HE SURELY WOULD UNDERSTAND,HE IS YOUR HUSBAND. IF THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU THERE ARE MANY OTHER OPTIONS EVEN THOUGH IT IS MUCH HARDER WITH A CHILD BUT I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT YOU SHOULD NOT SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU DO NOT LOVE JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A KID TOGETHER. DON'T WAIT FOR MANY YEARS TO PASS BEFORE YOU MAKE THE DECISION. I STAYED IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 8 YRS TOO LONG AND THAT WAS A BIG WAIST. YOU CAN GET SO MUCH MORE ACCOMPLISHED WHEN YOU GET OUT. BEING IN A MARRIAGE WHERE YOU ARE NOT HAPPY OR IN LOVE IS LIKE BEING IN JAIL. YOU ARE TIED DOWN WITHOUT BEING EMOTIONALY ATTATCHED.HOPE EVERTHING WORKS FOR THE BEST AND TAKE ACTION NOW.GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

I was in a very similar relationship for 17 years. I wanted out after 7 years but stuck with it because of my daughter. My husband always brought home the pay check, came home every night and was crazy about me and I should have been happy with that but just could not. Once you get out of the rut and make yourself happy everything will eventually be OK. This is something that you have to plan for so that you are prepared financially and somewhat emotionally. It is very hard especially since you have a child together but you have to think about yourself otherwise you will be miserable.

Answer 9

I understand how you feel. One thing I think you should think about is...Could you take care of yourself if you left. How would you pay the bills, where would you live, who would take care of your child while you are at work? These are questions you need to ask your self. I ask these on a daily basis. Washing, cleaning and cooking are going to happen if you are with him or not. I think you should think about this. Life is not easy when you are trying to raise a kid alone and working. Actually it is harder to raise them alone. I have been in both worlds. There are times that my husband gets on my last nerve but I don't think I could make it without him. I would also suggest you talking to your husband. You have to have communication in a relationship.

Answer 10

It's possible to fall out of love with someone, but that's usually a result of something happening or not happening in your relationship. It sounds like your spouse is trying to do right by the family (by working and paying the bills). And it sounds like you're trying to fulfill your marital obligations as well.

From what you're saying, it sounds like your biggest problem is that you don't have any time alone together, and probably aren't communicating very well between the two of you. It would probably benefit you to talk about the fact that you're both overwhelmed and see if there's a way to set aside time to spend with each other, even if it means paying for a babysitter.