i have recently discovered from a close relative that one of my parents and their siblings were sexually abused as children by a distant relative for an unspecified period of time; im unsure of what to do considering the fact that my parent obviously didnt want me to know this and i dont know how many other people knew, know or should know.
my dilemma is whether I should openly confront the elephant in the room, exposing pain and abuse that has been seemingly forgotten, or pretend i still dont know anything, taking my own feelings of betrayal and new understanding of past events to the grave?
2006-10-28 05:07:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
the abuser is dead now; the person who told me thought i knew allready and felt really bad for exposing me to this...to answer your questions...
2006-10-28 05:36:27 · update #1
my feelings of betrayal refer to tha fact that my parent didnt open up to me and i had to hear it from someone else...i dunno, maybe "betrayal" isnt the correct term...im not quite able to describe my emotions right now...
2006-10-28 05:55:35 · update #2
EXPOSE EVERYTHING, you must, it is the only right thing to do.
2006-10-28 05:09:40 · answer #1 · answered by jonathanmusty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very tragic thing to have learned however may give you more insight into your parent. I feel it's always best to confront the issue otherwise it spins out of proportion in our minds. Maybe the best way to approach the subject is to be open about what you have heard bearing in mind that at this point you only have the word of another person and from experience it's a mistake to rely only on what other people tell you. If it is indeed true then your parent will have the option of either opening up the discussion or refusing to talk about it. No matter which direction be supportive and respect their choice.
You also mention your feeling of betrayal and I take that to mean because you hadn't been told. I'm sure that was never the intention - more than likely it was to protect you.
2006-10-28 12:23:17 · answer #2 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very unsure of what you mean by 'taking your own feelings of betrayal to the grave'.
If you were molested then you know far more of this subject than I whoever this is my advice.
DO NOT confront that elephant. It may very well stop on you.
It very well could be you parent has not revealed this to your other parent. And the embarrassment of having your own child reveal this may be far more than he/she can take.
There are good reasons why your parent has not revealed this. As a child you take on the sense of responsibility for what happened and I suspect you never ever get over it. To have it revealed by a child you had no idea could ever know may be way over the top.
Do Not bring this up. Talk more to you relative about it and make sure they do not reveale it either. If this had been a problem for your parent you would have seen signs for that long ago. Do not do this for their sake as well as yours.
2006-10-28 12:21:15 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should seek counseling, if you don't this will continue bothering you for a long time. It is up to your parents and their sibling to do the confronting, after all they are adults and have the ability to make these touchy decisions on their own. It happend to them and not you. People who have been abused go through alot of confusing emotions and deal with it in many different ways. If you already know from someone else, why not get the info "right from the horses mouth" who knows this will help you come to terms on what you should do. why start a battle that is'nt yours, give them that respect to make their own decisions. I know it's hard, but it's worth a shot. GOOD LUCK! If anything, put it in GOD'S hands:)
2006-10-28 12:36:26 · answer #4 · answered by wherenai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know when anyone has to deal with abuse issues it affects everyone around them. However, if this person has not come directly to you I would not push the issue. As you may have feelings of betrayal etc.. Think about how the person who went through the abuse is feeling.. Even after a certain period of time. It can still be painful and it can still affect many aspects of there life.
I know it will be hard to keep that information to yourself but believe it or not it may be the best solution. I wish the best of luck
Tracy
2006-10-28 12:16:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, let me ask you this.. What would be the point of bringing it up? What would you gain by bringing it up? But also, what would you feel like if you were to keep it inside. I have no clue what your personal reasons are, so I can't tell you what to do. If I were in your shoes, I would probably leave it be, only for the reason that it is unneccesary to bring up things like this because it doesnt improve anything, it's just out in the open that you know about it. Also.. did this close realitive mean for you to keep it on the down low that they told you this? Or do they want it surfaced? I would consult the realitive who told you about it.. what do they think you should do? I think that sounds like a sad sad situation, and I wish the best of luck to you. Sexual abuse is wrong, and it happens more often than we would like to think, unfortunately.
2006-10-28 12:12:18 · answer #6 · answered by dumpsterdd90 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT bring this up. If you were sexually abused as a child would you want your own child to confront you about it? The only reason you would be bringing this up is for your own sense of completion which is selfish. There is a reason they have maintained their secrecy over this for years now, most likely they are embarasssed. Bringing it up now would most likely only make their embarassment worse. The thing to do is make sure the relative doing the molesting does not have contact with children. DO NOT BRING THIS UP TO YOUR RELATIVES OR YOU WILL BRING MORE PAIN ON THE FAMILY!!!
2006-10-28 12:35:45 · answer #7 · answered by AirDevil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you don't get this ugly, dark demon out of the closet, you and your family are going to continue to hurt because this isn't resolved. For starters, talk to your family and find out exactly what happened. If the person that did that is still around, I say go to the police because they could still be on the prowl. Try and help your family as much as you can because this cannot go on any longer. There are wounds that need to be healed and you all need to have closure. I'm sorry to hear about that and I hope you and your family will get through this horrific nightmare. Good luck to you!
2006-10-28 12:12:54 · answer #8 · answered by frakmomma04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a child and knowing this, should make you feel proud that you have a brave parent to face all this. Opening this, just opening the old wound, just give your love to your parent and forgive the one who did the abuse, it will make you a happier person.
2006-10-28 12:34:41 · answer #9 · answered by he he he 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave things as it is! Past is past and Im pretty
sure that they also want to forget that event.
Comfronting them about it might bring back
memories they want to forget. You will just remind
them of the pain. Pretend you dont know.
2006-10-28 12:14:48 · answer #10 · answered by jing 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was abused as a teen, both mentally and sexually. I don't think that bringing up the past will help anyone.
2006-10-28 12:11:10 · answer #11 · answered by Maggie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋