REPEAT. Should I go or not?

Question

I am repeating this because apparently many of you didn't understand the question. Let me put it in other terms. Say your spouse left you for another. Then your spouse wants you to spend thanksgiving and christmas as a family. No "other "around Between Christmas and New Years your spouse does not want to talk to you and is cold even when you have to discuss the kids ( although extremely nice on the holidays and when attending church.) For several more weeks, you don't hear from your spouse. You then get a call asking you to help plan and attend a party for your kid. Again, no "other" is to be around. Doesn't it feel a bit like rent-a-spouse and that your spouse wants to have his or her cake and eat it too? I am not going to the party unless I hear something really logical. ( Not, "it's your kid." Exactly. So I am planning to have a cake and celebrate with a few of the neighbor kids when I have her next week. Two parties! Wow!) She must realize that marraige is not only when convenient

Answer 1

hello again! i already answered this question and i say "good for you." if you need some reassurance that you are making the right choice i am giving it to you right now. i am a divorced mother. i tried doing the "let's play nice for the kids" thing and it totally backfired. i was always the one trying to be nice, and he always became a total *ickhead when things didn't go exactly his way. it was a hard decision to make, but now i only speak to him when i absolutely have to and i have stopped trying to be his friend because it will never happen. we would have just ended up being so pissed at eachother all the time that we would have started using our daughter as a pawn in the game of "who loves you more". good luck! you seem like a nice guy and a good father.

Answer 2

only you can answer the following-- Is this really "using you" or is it her attempt to allow your children the ability to celebrate life's successes and moments with both their parents ther? Is she putting the burden of time/money on you with this planning? If so then 100% agree with you, but if it is shared then revert to my first question. It sounds from your description she is only nice when the 2 of you are doing something traditional with the kids which signifies to me she doesn't care for you but (possibly) is trying to allow the children to have the both of you there for them. If she is not asking you for anything else like sex or extra money ect you are not rent-a-spouse, the way you portray this is she only wants to interact with you when it is a tradional time for the children to have both of their parents around. That is not rent-a-spouse that is her being a parent and her trying to include you. Ulitmately the decision is yours and you having a separate party isn't bad either, only you know your daughter and her feelings but if that is what you do then you need to be consistent and remove yourself totally from your ex's events unless it is a one-time thing like a wedding or something. The problem is once a line is drawn it's hard to go back so tread carefully, some men would be jeolous of your problem, having an ex thinking and allowing them to participate with there children. Once again you evaulate whats what and ask yourself the question is this really over you and being a rent-a-spouse or is it just over you and your anger (understanbly) at your ex.

Answer 3

Better - easier to understand - b4 i answered with suck it up and be a dad - but she is obvoiusly twisting this to go her way n only her way and its wrong. Not only is she playing with your feelings but I am sure its confusing to your children which is wrong on so many levels its extremely sad. You might want to consider divorce and joint custody. Children do and can thrive with love from both parents. Rent-a-spouse is not going to work for anyone and it undermines your feelings and your needs and only you know what they are. Two holidays and two birthdays are not going to hurt your children. But you need to step up to the plate n put your foot down about how you are treated. Let her read this (all of it) or just tell her might wake her up!! Hope everything works out for you!!

Answer 4

It sounds as if "spouse" is trying to keep up appearances. If you are comfortable about going, then go. Otherwise, you have your own plans and "Spouse" is not invited unless you so choose.

Have you filed for divorce yet? It sounds like "Spouse" needs a wake-up call. This is not Rent-A-Spouse.

Answer 5

I'm still saying that it's your daughter and you still nedd to go for that reason alone,,,your kid isn't old enough to understand why Daddy didn't care enough to come to her birthday party and no matter that you do give her a small second one that is the way it's going to seem to her,,,children don't understand the grown-up problems and they shouldn't have to yet it's YOUR job to protect her from being hurt not to hurt her more by not showing up at a very important day in her life,,if you want to change things with your wife then do it AFTER your girls party if you don't go she'll ALWAYS remember that you weren't there....

Answer 6

it sounds like if your not divorced you need to be and i usually don't say things like that

but the other thing is maybe for the sake of the child the spouse is trying to give the child semblance of a family without interference from either of your new partners

did you ever think this wasn't about you but what is best for the child -- your focusing on the wrong thing its not about you being a rent a spouse sounds to me like its about two parents spending special times with their child

Answer 7

well you did not state if u wanted to work ur marriage or if u still wanted to be with this woman. and its really up to you. it sounds like she is giving u a chance to redeem yourself. goodluck and pray hard.

Answer 8

REPEAT.Go