He seems to have no desire to have sex. Last time was July, my birthday. Time before that was my birthday last year. Have asked him about this many, MANY times. I try not to make him feel badly, but it's making me feel so rejected and ugly. He is an alcoholic, and needs help in that regard. But this question deals with why he doesn't want to have sex. He is not cheating -- I'm sure of that. He doesn't have equipment failure. Last time I "suggested" it, I got him to erect, but still got turned down. "I'm too tired." I don't understand!!! When we first got married, we had a very active sex life.
2006-10-28 04:19:52 · 20 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I tell you, Damian, how I know he's not cheating, I will not be believed. Please trust me in that regard. I know it is a fact. Also, if he doesn't find me attractive any more, then why does he still get erect when we are close and kissing? He also flirts with me, a little grope, a comment (especially about my breats), a whistle, cute things he's always done. He's still affectionate -- just no sex.
2006-10-28 04:43:32 · update #1
If there's ANYTHING at all you can do about his drinking, along w/ the help of a sponsor or anything, work on that first.
If you 2 can reclaim your lives a little, things will get better. Spend lots of time w/ him outside the BR, maybe reminiscing about the beginning of your relationship, how hot you 2 used to be, etc. But talk about these things in a lighthearted manner so he doesn't feel pressure. Sneak a little grope in public here & there.
Alcohol is a depressant, so YES it can curb your sex drive big time. Hang in there! :)
2006-10-28 04:25:08 · answer #1 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is thought that 1 in 10 alcoholics has sexual problems. For men, this most commonly manifests itself as impotence that is, problems getting and maintaining an erection even though the sexual desire may be there. Even when they are sober, male alcoholics may have problems achieving and maintaining an erection. If a person has been an alcoholic for a number of years, their sex drive may also be affected.
Alcoholism is a serious condition and people who drink excessively should seek professional help. Only by admitting their problem, and by receiving professional assistance, will they be able to become sober again. Very few people can manage to help themselves. Any related sexual difficulties can only be treated successfully once the abuse has stopped.
2006-10-28 11:59:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, yes. Alcohol makes it tuff to get anything going -- in women too...... I'll Go with nursesr...... alcohol just ends erections, honey. If your hubby will not get into AA, then he likes it that way. There are other ways to change his moods than alcohol -- antidepressants, and some have little effect of erections abilities --- Welbutrin for many men is tolerated quite well, but there is no guarantee. He must find out why he wants to drink, and why drinking is better than a loving relationship with you.
At the very minimum, hope he sees a doc. And if his alcoholism and his refusal to get into AA and quit is too great for you to wish to handle, you might consider leaving. Lots of us who married drinkers just give up......and leave. And we find someone else......
Only you can decided if a drinking husband is worth staying with for the other benefits, if there are any.
2006-10-28 12:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism kills everything.
But even without alcohol a man or women can lose the sex drive. Some people just stop having sex because they can get it when ever thay want it. They take it for granted. A year is a long time though.
If he is an alcoholic he may be depressed and may not want to do anything. Just sit there and watch tv and drink.
2006-10-28 11:25:05 · answer #4 · answered by ABYSS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get him into treatment fast, if you can, you both need counseling , if you know he's an alcoholic, what are you doing about it, and never assume that a man is not cheating, you may want to check this out to be sure, in any event you are on the road to disaster in your marriage and you both need to do some things fast. ---Now --- yes alcohol can kill a sex drive; but if there is still reaction to stimuli he is withholding for some other reason.
2006-10-28 11:29:48 · answer #5 · answered by kaviar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"He is not cheating -- I'm sure of that."
You are NEVER sure of that. that's mistake #1 you're making.
He IS cheating (maybe not on a regular basis) AND I'll bet that he was drinking the night you had sex last (yes im aware you said he is an alcoholic- irrelavant imo) ....good possibility that he doesnt find you attractive anymore, and KNOWS that he better "give you some' on your birthday, so he feels the need to drink.
Hope things get better for you.
2006-10-28 11:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by Damian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The unfortunate truth is that over the long-term, heavy drinking can (and often does) lead to permanent loss in sexual function.... erection problems. The penis depends on good circulation to work well. Long-term alcohol use can damage arteries and veins, so it’s not surprising that a lot of drinking can eventually lead to impotence.
Long term heavy alcohol use may cause sexual problems. Clinical studies have shown it can mess up the impulses between the brain (pituitary gland) and the sexual organs, making it difficult for the brain to signal the blood vessels in the penis to relax and produce an erection. Alcoholism can also reduce testosterone levels, lowering both sexual drive and function.
2006-10-28 11:50:09 · answer #7 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely. Addictions affect the same part of the brain as sex. Try going to al-anon meetings and getting him into AA.
2006-10-28 11:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does. This couple that I know have the problem. He drinks alot through out the day and then she complains about the sex b/c of his drinking. Sam
2006-10-28 16:25:13 · answer #9 · answered by ?Shannan? 5 · 11⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
2006-10-28 11:26:08 · answer #10 · answered by Chula 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋