I have been seeing a married man for 6 years and decided to give him an ultimatum last week (before Half term).
He says he can't live without me and his marriage is dead! He has two children still in school and has said he will have to stay to see this year out.
I have never asked him to leave and he assures me that he is not servicing any kind of emotional or physical relationship with his wife.
I left my husband 2 years ago and set up a lovely home in the hop that my b/f would join me.
I don't know how much longer I can wait or how I've managed to get to this point.
Now I'm sat at home alone and he's on holiday with his family.
When I gave the ultimatum he cried and told me i meant everything to him, then asked me the size of my ring finger??
Please help a tormented woman, I don't know what to do.
Only genuine and helpful answers please no time wasters
Thank you in advance
2006-10-28 04:15:17 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has just foned me telling me he's not enjoying his holiday and that the arguements are just as bad ... is he lying??
2006-10-28 06:19:09 · update #1
He is playing you,you know that dont you-and you are hoping against hope that he is not playing you?You gave one ultimatum,thats it now,dont give anymore-if the reaction from him is the same as normal,you need to move on,it is just NOT going to change,and nor will it after a year either.He sized up your finger--piffle m'dear,he is getting you going,giving you false hope i'm afraid.You dont come across as stupid,but "tormented" as you say-only you are able to end your torment,or let it carry on as normal-its your choice,and i think you know what choice you will make in the end.best of luck to you:-)
2006-10-28 13:30:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, from his point of view, there you are ready and willing in your own place where he can escape to while he's still got wife, family and respectability at home. Six years is a very long time to wait . Obviously you love the man so there's no point in discussing the morals of this issue, but think about the lies and deceit his wife has been living with all this time - do you think he's going to respect you any better? You have issued him an ultimatum - that was very brave of you, by the way - if I were you, I would try to stick to my guns on this one otherwise you run the risk of him never taking you seriously again if you back down, and just how many more years of your life do you want to waste sharing a man with someone else?
From the tone of your question, you are clearly a literate and intelligent woman, you really do deserve to have a man of your own - if he truly IS the one, then this is the time to find out. If he hasn't the courage, or the respect for you to leave his family (and that is a HUGE thing) then really, you're better off without him.
2006-10-28 04:24:21 · answer #2 · answered by f0xymoron 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are indeed in turmoil my dear. It seems from what you have said that your man still wants to stay with his wife, and be with you at the same time. How many times do we hear of this? He has some security at home with his wife and children and may just consider you as a 'bit on the side'. If you have given him an ultimatum, then it is up to him to decide whether he throws his marriage away to be with you or he stays with his wife and children. He may be happy at home but he is telling you a different story. Maybe you should look for a single man? Hope I have helped and good luck.
2006-10-28 04:23:26 · answer #3 · answered by fuck off 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know that you have been with him for 6 yrs. and that's a long time to form a relationship, but his family is obviously more important to him. Especially when men have children, they don't want to leave the family. If he gets a divorce from her, she automatically gets a whole lot of stuff if it can be proven that he has been cheating on her this long. It's a ver very bad situation that you are in. I'm not judging you, but I think the situation was hopeless to begin with. Men and women are very different. You left your husband, but he has a lot more at stake.
If you have the guts, I would follow through w/ your ultimatum and leave him- more for your benefit. He has the best of both worlds and if you have been letting this go on for 6 years, there's no way he'll take you seriously now.
2006-10-28 04:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by Jane D 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, and kinda know how you feel. But, six years is a long time. Why have you never asked him to leave her before? What's changed that you have given him an ultimatum now? You either stick to your guns and insist he leaves her and accept whatever answer he gives, or if you truly love him and can't be without him, you carry on as you are. Only you can know what you're willing to put up with for this man. Best of luck.
2006-10-28 21:00:37 · answer #5 · answered by F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have given up 6 years of your life for nothing. He is using you and he has no intention on leaving his wife. Sorry, but true. He is just saying all the right things to keep you. You will be waiting a longgggggggg time for the ring he has insinuated on getting you. Not going to happen. He wants his cake and eat it too. And your that cake. He says he has to see this year out for his kids because of school. Next it will be another excuse. The excuses will keep coming and you will still be alone. I know you realize what your doing is wrong. Your wanting him to break up his marriage to be with you. Realize also that it is not going to happen. Six years is a long time to give up for someone who is in no way shape or form going to leave his wife. He's good, shed tears so you wouldn't leave him. He knows just how to get to you. Find someone who will respect you and wants to be with you. He only wants you for his mistress. That's it.
2006-10-28 05:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some mistakes have been made. But then, we are human. No human is free from making mistakes. So let's forget the mistakes and look at the current situation... and consider your options for a better future. But you must be willing to block most of your emotions with a big chuck of common sense. Choices made based on emotions alone seldom turn out to be good choices.
The most important fact is that after an affair lasting 6 years, he is still hesitant about leaving his family to live with you.
To me, 6 years is more than enough time for anyone to choose. And since he has not left his family after 6 years, we can only conclude that he has little intention of doing so.
It could well be that he really loves you and that he no longer has emotional or physical relations with his wife. But if that is the case, then his sense of responsibility (and love) towards his children is stronger than his love for you. He has chosen them over you, even if he has not chosen his wife. He has chosen to remain married for the sake of his children.
That means that you cannot hope for much from this relationship.
Now let me ask you to change your perception of this situation, to make it easier for you to consider a tough choice that you may want to make:
You do love him, don't you? And that's why you were willing to leave your husband for him and to wait for him for 2 years after that. You have made some big sacrifices for him out of love.
Well, if you love him, then you would want him to be happy, right? And now, I ask you to consider making another sacrifice: It is clear that his happiness lies with his children and he is not willing to do anything that would disrupt their lives. That being the case, won't you let him go so that he can continue to be happy because his children are happy?
And you too should be happy because you have made the person you love happy. That is, if you truly love him.
And then, you will be free to find someone who loves you more than anyone else... with no children or wife to compete against.
2006-10-28 04:57:33 · answer #7 · answered by rempuh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being the other woman is not a good place to be...trust me he will not leave his family, if he has not done so by now. Rather than give him an ultimatum just tell him your breaking things off till he figures out what he truely wants.
If he loves you then he will leave his loveless marriage. Do you really want to wait around for him by chance that he may leave her one day? Family is a hard place to leave when kids are involved. Have you ever thought that if he leaves and comes to you that he will cheat on you the way he is doing now?
2006-10-28 04:21:17 · answer #8 · answered by tdashnay 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
90 % of the time they never NEVER leave the wife if he hasnt by now he is not going to its a mistake a lot of woman make I think theres some kind of thrill in knowing they prefer you over there wife and its a false sense of security because he hasnt left her. And i'm sorry if he is cheating on her he will cheat on you. I have to say this you have no no no business dating a married man thats terrible just terrible w/kids involved what if someone does that to your family what comes around goes around, what if she finds out you;'ll probly get your *** kicked and then some you must be under 25, sorry I cant say good luck you should stop this and get some morals and values in your life
2006-10-28 04:47:05 · answer #9 · answered by KIMBUR 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is lying to you! Honey, no man ever has the guts to leave after all this time! By asking you for your ring size is his way of dousing a massive fire! He is doing it to appease you. be honest with yourself, who has got you through the tough moments since you left your husband and who has supported you financial since you left your husband?? You!! You can do this alone, we all have to walk away from someone and when you do, you will realise what a lying piece of crap he is. We all are alone sometimes but trust me, you will look back on this and realise what a fool you were for ever listening to him. And trust me, he is so sleeping with his wife! No man would have a two beds to sleep in and sleep on the floor right? Get strong, get honest with yourself and walk away from this piece of offal you call a man. Easier said than done I know but you will feel a lot better for it. At least when you are sitting alone , its not because your other half is out with his wife.
2006-10-28 04:22:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋