Let me give you the short end on things:
My bf of a year and a half moved in together so I could finish college 4 hours away from our hometown about 4 months ago.
He wants to stay home & watch tv or play on the net...he doesn't help me around the apartment @ all...& I work & go to school...& cooking/cleaning/laundry is a bit much when I've got a lot going on and I have to pick up after an adult. Oh, and I drive almost everywhere b/c he's scared to.
We have no kids/pets.
He only works 32 hours a week. I work & go to school about 35 (not including homework & such).
Yes, I've tried to help him by making him drive places...but then he gets mad @ me. I've tried doing everything in hopes he feels sorry for me. I've tried talking to him numberous times. I've tried letting the apartment go.
Nothing works!
I've cried, begged, made threats to move...everything! I don't know what to do.
Leave or Stay...what should I do?
Please help-thanks :)
2006-10-28 04:07:59 · 24 answers · asked by {{birthday girlie}} 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We just moved to a place neither one of us has never lived & it's much bigger than the small towns we're from. I love an adventure...getting out & seeing/trying everything! He might want to go to a movie that he wants to see every now & again. I give ideas, but he continues to sit.
& I don't think it's a disorder...he just likes watching tv & playing on the pc.
2006-10-28 04:16:26 · update #1
Danielle B--that's awesome--I couldn't let it go for that long...my longest was a week. Unfortunally, I don't have enough cash to move out...plus I'm 4+ hours away from family/friends. I do love him...& no, there wasn't any signs of this before we moved in together. Also, I've even tried to show him how to do things (b/c he says he doesn't know...& I'm not overly picky).
2006-10-28 04:25:16 · update #2
Oh & we're both 24...me 25 in December...him 25 in April.
2006-10-28 04:26:27 · update #3
Keep 'em coming...thank you so much for the heartfelt answers and well wishes.
To answer ronibuni--he's only in my face when i'm in his face. and my name is the sole name on the lease. and i told his mom (his dad died when he was 7--which also might have something to do w/why he is the way he is), but she really doesn't act like she cares...
2006-10-28 05:02:21 · update #4
ooooooh (sorry i keep adding stuff) & he sits down the whole time he's @ his job...no physical labor what so ever.
2006-10-28 05:05:35 · update #5
awww-thank you "confused". i would like to think i am :)
2006-10-28 05:26:49 · update #6
can you afford another place or do you have another place to go to?If so i would leave. my husband pulled that same little stunt. At first i was A B****. Then i got mad. I did no lanudary, no dishes, no nothing. I wash my clothes done only what i had to have to eat out of. our house was nasty. but he got the point. By the way i let the house go for 3 months. he started to help. at the time i was work 70 hours a week. when i cut my hours down to 50 he start again. so i packed my stuff and went to my mom's. i lived with her two weeks before i got a small apt. we stay apart 6 months. now i come home. the house is clean, dishes done, laundary done. and supper waiting. He has no job.
2006-10-28 04:19:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no way someone can answer this for you. However, I think it would be a rash decision to end things with your husband and immediately try and get together with your old flame. First things first - you need to talk to your husband openly about the way you have been feeling for the past few months. Also keep in mind that it may be something else stressful in your life that is happening that is causing you to take your feelings out on your husband. It would not be fair for you to end it with him without first letting him know what's going on and trying to work it out......if after all this, you still feel this way, then maybe you should consider other options. However, keep in mind that there are other people involved in this situation besides you. Do what is best for yourself, but also do it in a way where there will be less pain on everyone involved.
2016-05-22 03:03:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just pretend your reading this question from someone else, its so obvious from your tone that your not happy and not accepting of his nature so I would say definately leave and dont make the mistake of getting married thinking you'll change him because you wont I dont care how much you think he loves you he wont. Also if deep down you cant image life without him and when your apart your totally miserable then you need to realize that and make a decision to accept him for what he is and if you do that that means letting go of wasting your energy on those things listed above, meaning if you accept it then you accept it you know how he is and you just take care of it or dont all along knowing he just is not going to do it and when you make your decision know those little things can really turn into a lot of resentment later you think they dont make up the big picture but they do the small things are everything. GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-28 04:20:18 · answer #3 · answered by KIMBUR 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Has he considered talking to a doctor? I ask this because it sounds like he has a little agoraphobia (fear of leaving the home). That coupled w/depression, would explain why he just sits & does nothing to contribute to a clean, neat household. Ask him about that before you consider breaking it off.
Also, ask yourself if the pros outweigh the cons in your relationship. If you love him enough to Make it Work, then hang in there & I wish u 2 all the best.
But if nothing works, and you're more frustrated than in love, then be grateful that he's just your b/f & not a hubby. Cut your losses & run. Cheers
2006-10-28 04:12:35 · answer #4 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are in a parent child relationship you are the mom he is the son you need to reassess the way you relate to each other this is not good .You sound young may be do not have much experience on the different types of relationships,I would strongly suggest counseling if you want to keep him or read some self help books this is not good stress for you remember you have to study.May God be your guide in your decision.
2006-10-28 04:20:44 · answer #5 · answered by lucky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow that really is horrible! But I think rather than anyone saying you should leave or stay I think what you should do is ask yourself the following:
1. Do I love him enough to accept his behavior if he does not change? (you can't change him if he isn't or doesn't want to change)
and 2. What is going to take for me to be at peace and have happiness in my life?
I think once you answer those questions truthfully to yourself you will have your answer and make a realistic decision based on what you want and need in your life.
I am so happy you are going to school and doing for you now really look in the mirror and remember you are important, loving yourself from inside out his the beginning of your true success. And when we love ourselves we have found what makes us happy.
2006-10-28 04:38:17 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie pie; let me give you a hint...you CANNOT change this! IF(and it is a BIG if) he is depressed and that is possible then that is one thing BUT you said that he "gets mad" at you to get what he wants is opening up an whole other topic...trust me it is downhill from here...the fact that you can only "let it go a week" is YOUR choice...pick up your stuff and buy your stuff and feed your face...leave the rest and him where they sit...do not feed him or give him a thing; I bet he is in you face and calling you names in (well you let it go a week) so 10 days...I trust your name is on the lease? What do HIS parents say?????
2006-10-28 04:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by ronibuni 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's put it this way: if your relationship is in trouble now, it won't get any better.
The problem with letting go of anything is that we fear we'll never have, in your case, another boyfriend. I'm sure you will find another relationship, which may be a healthy one.
Don't sell yourself short. You deserve a healthy relationship - a solid connection that benefits both parties. Perhaps it's time to move on.
Good luck.
2006-10-28 04:15:50 · answer #8 · answered by Juanitaville 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would make him leave!! Maybe, doing a drastic thing will open his eyes. Tough love can be very efficient. If it doesn't you will be better off anyway. It sounds like you have done everything. You sound like a very caring and kind person and I would give my love to someone who would appreciate it. Good- Luck
2006-10-28 05:14:32 · answer #9 · answered by confused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would leave,,he's not going to get any better,,only worse and if he does try to change for you it will only be for a short time then he will probably fall back into the same habits again....
2006-10-28 04:15:05 · answer #10 · answered by curious_girl_2_play 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋