let's say, you financed their studies, but things don't turn out as planned...instead of having a career, she decides to settle down, and you're not sure if they will pursue having a career, do you think that money is wasted?
2006-10-28 04:04:30 · 14 answers · asked by sandy d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
TO PARENTS OUT THERE!
2006-10-28 04:05:38 · update #1
Sandy, you aren't really disappointed, your heart aches because as a Mother you want so much more for your little girl. My daughter is 21, and I want the world for her. Only happiness, a nice home, money in the bank, no tears, a man to love her completly, a successful career...the list goes on and on..
The thing is she's my daughter, my heart, and she may not want all those things. She wants to be a school teacher, and have a litter of little boys. I want granddaughters. She wants boys. I wanted her to be a doctor, she wants to teach children English.
She wanted this, and I wanted that.. I love her so terribly much, and wanted to give her everything I didn't have or the opportunities to do what I couldn't...but she doesn't want all those things.
So, with all the rambling, my point is this. The ultimate goal for my daughter's life for me is this-for her to be happy! If she works at a fast food resturant the rest of her days, and has that pack of boys, if she's happy and satisified with her life, when my work as her Mother, and the financial burden of putting her through school, music lessons, and all the rest was worth it. Her happiness and a successful life is different from mine, just as mine was from my Mother. Who wanted me to be a bookkeeper, sorry Mom, no thanks.. We just want our baby girls to have it all, and it hurts when they don't want it.
Education is never a waste, one day she may decide to use that knowledge, but for now she wants other things. She wants to settle down, doesn't mean that in the future she doesn't change her mind and use those studies you financied for her. It could be by choice, or by necessity, but at least she can fall back on it, and not have to start from the bottom. So, Mom take heart that you have done your job, and given her very opportunity and choices so she can reach her "happiness". So, no it's not money wasted it's an investment.
Please remember that we didn't always agreed with the choices that our Mothers were trying to make for us either. Just love her, and enjoy her. She's your baby girl, whether she uses the education now or later or if ever! I think I will go call my daughter and see if she's got a minute to talk...why don't you do so to.
God bless us all...........
2006-10-28 06:21:02 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine did and it felt horrible. It was different but in effect the same. Daughters reach a point when no matter what you do or say they always know better and will go there own way. This is universal and you don't have a corner on it by any means.
What you have tried to do for your daughter is exactly what parents should do. Guide them and give them the direction they need to be a successful productive member of our society.
The problem is no matter what your hopes and dreams are for her they are not shared by her. If you have always been a career woman that in and of itself may be the problem. She may have seen what a career woman has to do and wants no part of it.
She has decided that she wants to love someone and have a family more than working to further some companies bottom line.
If done right there is nothing in this world more important.
As you know raising children is a full time job and is one of the most demanding. Just because your daughter has not followed the career path you hoped she would does not mean you have failed her. And any money or time we spend on our children is never wasted. Ever.
Love her...be there for her when she needs it but most of all let her live the life that is important to her. Yes there will be problems. Who does not have them? There will be times she needs a shoulder to cry on. That is the very best thing you can give her. And she will love you dearly for it.
2006-10-28 04:23:30 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called unconditional love.. An education is never a waste- at least she has something to fall back on. I guess I might be a little disappointed at first but if she is happy then be happy for her. I heard somewhere the average person changes careers 2-3 times during their life.. Money isn't everything, it's water under the bridge...I say.
2006-10-28 04:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by carpet man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost- what!?
Are you serious!?
Your daughter is following her own life and you dare to be disappointed by that!?
My God... *shakes head*
Okay, yes- its a bit much to go to the expense of funding all that study. But you can't say she'll never have a career!?
She may love someone so much she forsakes everyone and everything to be with that person. (I was going to ask if you remember that- but then again the answer is clear on that front.)
If this is still an issue you may request asking for the money back- but prepare for the most unholy row of rows, prepare also for your daughter never to speak to you again.
You don't know that she doesn't have a secret plan to surprise you with paying the money or part of it back off her own accord.
In closing, I wonder if you ever disappointed your parents with the descisions you made in your life...
The Iceman.
2006-10-28 04:13:52 · answer #4 · answered by The Iceman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you as the parent have seen more and understand the need for studies, career etc. However your daughter may be seeing things differently and may actually be happy with her life as it is. Give her a chance, she may actually be making the right choice based on what she may want out of her life.
I hope when my daughter is of age I can remember this advice and apply it.
2006-10-28 05:48:38 · answer #5 · answered by DownAndOut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my mottos is, Plan Plans, Not Results.
Neither one of my kids turned out the way I had hoped, but they are good, decent human beings who I am proud of nonetheless.
Education is something that can never be taken away from you. Perhaps, down the line, your daughter will go back to school and have a career, but it will be on her terms.
I'm sorry she disappointed you in achieving your dream for her. Kids are like that, you know. Did we disappoint our parents for something we wanted to do? I know I did, but my parents accepted my choice anyway.
2006-10-28 04:22:04 · answer #6 · answered by Juanitaville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she has an education, she can always use that whenever she chooses. maybe right now she wants to settle down. maybe in five years she will be bored of being a housewife and want to go back to school or have a career. housewives or moms going back to school happens all the time. try to be happy for your daughter if she has chosen something that makes her happy right now. nothing is carved in stone. and she could have done a lot worse!
2006-10-28 04:14:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An education is never a waste.. your daughter is an adult and deserves to be treated as one. You have done all you could for her.. and if she chooses a different path than you wanted her too why is a disapointment to you, accept her for who she is not for what she has or hasn't accomplished. Give her praise and encouragement for making decisions that she thinks are right for her if you want her to talk to you.....Unless of course she is settling for a loser...
2006-10-28 04:10:49 · answer #8 · answered by miarae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey if you love your daughter then stick by her decision because you might of done something similar in your life and your parents stuck by your decision. look all im saying is this love is hard to get back and so is your daughter if you lay a guilt trip on her, because monies is easy to get and lose but love is not, money has no feelings remember that.
2006-10-28 05:30:37 · answer #9 · answered by porra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you gave her the skills to succeed. My wife graduated from college went to work two years later we were married and she was a stay at home mom for the next 12 years. Now she is working again and alot of it is from her college degree it makes her hireable.
2006-10-28 04:19:38 · answer #10 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋