Is controlling children ...abuse ?

Question

Is controlling children ...abuse ?

While attending a "workshop presentation" on child abuse a corruption of sorts was noticed.

First the model used was that of 'cult-feminists' a model that attacked men, ie child abuse = men who abuse, women and children victims. You will note the polarizing nature of this half-truth.

At the workshop the 'social worker' got up and stated that child abuse begins with a parent trying to 'control' the child.

What do you think ? Is "controlling' a child, child abuse ?

Then again if children don't listen to parents....and break the law...and are put into a detention centers is that abuse ?

Answer 1

Parents' function in a child's life is to raise them to be quality adults. For this to work, they have to set rules and boundaries, and explain when a child does something wrong and why it's wrong.

I'm not sure I understand what the social worker meant by "controlling" a child. Is enforcing the set rules and boundaries considered control? How else is the child going to learn right from wrong? How else is the child going to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions?
That is definitely not child abuse, but rather shaping a responsible adult.

Answer 2

Controlling a child is not a form of abuse , when the child is a baby and needs to be controlled. This is the time for the parent to take responsibility of contributing to giving this soul a chance to enter this Life.

Yet as one does so, they Must Always Remember, that there child is Not there child. That soul, came into this world, in an Individual body, with no attachments to Anyone , nor any written contract signed by the new soul.

As life goes on, and the child can walk and talk, It is the parents duty, to speak to the soul about Life. About survival. About Truths of Kindness , and warnings against Harm.

To warn against harmfull actions and the reactions that will cause pain to the child, is what the parent can and must do.

Also, to lift the child out of the way of an incoming car, or other danger , etc, is again , teaching the new soul about Life, and how to survive.

Yet when one chooses to Force and Yell at a child , when a child does an act that is not desired to the parent, that is Control that will not feed the new soul at all.

The child is like a University Professor, whom has come back to a school to learn somthing New. Yet if that Proffessor, is treated unfairly, and yelled at , and there Freedom, and Free Will, is threatened upon, Then that Proffessor, will get Angery, and Leave.

That Proffessor , only came to learn and experience, to become what they wanted to be. And will Not Learn, anything , with a teacher that wants to abuse his trust in Him. The teacher is trusted to teach that which will get the Professor on the Right path to the Degree that the Proffessor wants to acheive.
But the Proffessor will Never reach there, if the Teacher pushes him away with anger.

Answer 3

Children are very fragile at times, because (believe it or not) they hear and listen to all that you say. Parents, I think play the most difficult role in a child's development. If you are not in control of your child that child will run wild and get into trouble, not because it is a bad child but because it does not know better. However, control is something that some dearly love to get their hands on, and what do we do when we gain control? We live in constant fear of losing that control. Slowly, the controller gets more paranoid and expresses more and more control over the child. This is called child abuse. In another form, the adult may abuse or beat and ridicule the child to feel better about themselves or to have an outlet of anger. I think the key to parenting is to have control, but not for the parent's sake; for the child's sake.

Answer 4

Depends on what methods are used. I mean, the point is to teach a child Self-control, right?. So that the child can successfully become part of society. And you have to keep a kid under control in a store, don't you --so that he doesn't grab and break something, or steal. Don't you have to control a child at the swimming pool, so he doesn't get hurt or drown. What about controlling a kid at a wedding or funeral-- you can't let Junior get away with throwing a hissy fit and making others' lives totally miserable.
Now, tying a kid to a chair is another type of control. I think the social worker meant abusive control tactics, don't you?

Answer 5

It depends on the level on control. Every person needs some type of control in their lives so that they learn the differences between wrong and right and what's socially acceptable and things of the sort.

Children need more control because they are younger and have not yet learned to navigate the world as MOST adults do (we know that there are some adults that are worse than children!). Anyhow, these kids need control. If there is little or no control over the child, they will become bratty, whiney, disrespectful little creatures that throw fits inside the store when Mommy or Daddy doesn't buy them what they want when they want it. Also, a lack of control on the parental figures' part may lead to the kids staying at home longer, stealing from their parents, and just a lack of general respect for the parents, and eventually, society.

Now, in MY opinion, it comes to the level of abuse when you are DICTATING everything that this child does or doesn't do. Yes, children need strict guidelines on clothing, curfews, education, etc., but when you follow the child, belittle them in front of their peers becuase you want to dictate everything, or are just generally nasty to the child when they ask you anything, as if they do not have any right to ask you a question or question anything at all, then that falls in the category of abuse to me. There are, of course, things that I am speaking of that constitute as mental and verbal abuse. But just general rules, teaching a child to respect authority, discipline, and overall basic control of a child's life is not abuse, it is protecting your child and teaching your child to become a valid and respectable member of society.

Hope this adds some insight! :-)

Answer 6

Well... I think it helps to clarify the words being used. Social workers are supposed to focus on education as a tool in helping people, and parents like social workers have the responsibility to educate children so that they have the tools and resources when they grow up to effectively cope with the world that they live in. I would rather side with the concern that a child is not prepared to deal with the world. Children who are sexually, mentally, or emotionally, or physically abused usually are deprived of the resources to be effective when they become adults and are prone to very serious mental health issues.

From what you have descibed, I would wonder about the workshop presenter's personal issues and upbringing.

Answer 7

Depends if you are physical or verbally controlling plus the extent of that control. Telling a child when he can/can't go to the bathroom within reasonable limits, is abuse. At a certain point children learn how to deal with success/ failure; if that is not allowed, the child will not learn how to cope. The social worker probably just saw a bad case of abuse recently & her comments were well intentioned.

Answer 8

There is a fine line between discipline and emotional and physical abuse that we as parents need to recognize. On the side of discipline...children need to be disciplined when they behave inappropriately, if they are not taught that actions cause reactions or consequences they will never develop self discipline. At the same time, controlling a child's ability to think..agree or disagree, be individuals is abusive. We have to find the right balance between allowing out children to be free thinkers, and expecting respect from them. When a parent (male or female) is caught up in authoritism so severely that children live in fear, and need to push back individuality in order to survive in the family unit, then this would be abusive in my thinking. Also these children are being taught how to find abusive relationships as adults,or to repeat from the examples that they were raised with, so we have the never ending cycles.

Answer 9

Controlling a child or anyone is an abuse. Governments use to this to keep the people in line and parents use it for the same reason. I am 62 and with my wife raised five children. One does not control but love and support. Many people in this world are control freaks. This usually represents insecurity on the part of the controller. Children and adults pick up on this and usually resent it.

Answer 10

Controlling a child is depriving the growth in maturity needed for the child to grow into an adulthood, whereby he lacks the attitude to deal with situations by himself with least dependence .
Caring for a child , on the other hand, also includes some restrictions or control in the interest of the child, for his safety , well being, and to avoid the distracting temptations for which he has to reach adulthood. It is this restrictions that is sometimes mis-represented as 'abusive control'.. the only litmus test is , whether such restriction or control is to make the job easy for the guardian or for protection of the child !