Is controlling children ...abuse ?

Question

Is controlling children ...abuse ?

While attending a "workshop presentation" on child abuse a corruption of sorts was noticed.

First the model used was that of 'cult-feminists' a model that attacked men, ie child abuse = men who abuse, women and children victims. You will note the polarizing nature of this half-truth.

At the workshop the 'social worker' got up and stated that child abuse begins with a parent trying to 'control' the child.

What do you think ? Is "controlling' a child, child abuse ?

Answer 1

It depends on what they mean by"Control"
If it means the parent dictates every move or word that the child does then yes it is abuse
If it means making your child behave in normal everyday life then no. I have 5 children and have never had to spank any of them,they knew from the time they were little what they could do or couldnt do simply by telling then NO NO . But you have to start at a young age you cant wait til they are 3-4 years old

Answer 2

It depends on how much and what kind of "control" we're talking about here. It is necessary that the parents control the children up to some extent in order to teach the children and protect them, but it is possible to control too much and excessive controlling can in some cases be considered abuse.

Examples of normal control are for example parents making their kids go to sleep at a certain time or making them finish their food or do their homework or be polite or get off the road etc.

Excessive control is when the parents control every little thing the child does and leave no room for them to be themselves. It's abuse when the child has no freedom at all. When children are that much controlled and never get to do their own thing it has negative effects on their mental state and self-esteem. It slows down their maturity as well.

Parents need to control their kids in some ways and up to some extent, but too much control is bad and if it comes down to controlling every little thing the kid does, it's nothing else than abuse if you ask me. I agree with that social worker, child abuse often begins with the parents overcontrolling the child.

Answer 3

Controlling a child is not abuse. Both men & women abuse children. Child abuse occurs across all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds. The most common form of child abuse is neglect, followed by physical abuse, and then sexual abuse. Reasonable discipline (i..e. spanking) that does not leave marks on the child and does not use an instrumentality other then the parents hand is not abuse. However, I am not an advocate of physical discipline. If someone wants to learn about alternative forms of disciplining children the local children's services office usually offers parenting classes and there are many books on parenting at local libraries and book stores. It is an important role of a parent to raise responsible children who contribute to society. This means exercising control over children's choices and using discipline when neccessary.

Answer 4

To physically control a child it can be construde as abuse such as physically stapping a child to a chair to make him sit there.

It is not abuse if you control what he watches on TV or the music he listens to. Although some kids think that is abuse.

It is abuse if you refuse to allow your child to eat his dinner because he ticked you off earlier in the day.

It is not abuse to control the amount of food he eats if he has an eating problem (i.e. eating nothing but junk food)

There is a fine line between what is abuse and what is not. When I took classes to get my license to be a foster parent, it was said to be abusive to put your child in his room for time out but not abusive to sit him on a chair.

I have been the victim of abuse as a child, my mother abandoned my sisters and I in a house with no food, no running water, no heat just so she could go be with her boyfriend. I have been beaten with a 2x4 just because I was in the way. I have scars on my legs from where I had a knife thrown at me. These are all examples of extreme abuse.

Some experts would say that controlling a child is a form of mental abuse. In some situations you need to control your child in others you need to learn to pick your battles.

Answer 5

You never try to control a child. You will lose. You try to teach a child through positive reinforcement. Control is a power issue. You have to let a child be free. If you control them, how will they learn to live on their own? Isn't the point to raise children who can be independent? But to answer your question, I don't think it's abuse. Just poor parenting. But I do believe it can lead to abuse. If you try to control a child and they don't bend to your will (an all children will eventually assert their own control) you could become frustrated at your own lack of control and then begin to abuse to try to re-assert some control.

Answer 6

I suppose it depends on how the word "control" is defined and used. One should raise children in an environment which keeps them safe and encourages them to master themselves. A certain degree of "control" over the environment is necessary to achieve this. If one tries to "control" the child, they may overlook the child's basic rights to self and the child learns that "control" can be avoided or subverted, the child may fight the "control" rather than learning to "control" themself.
Parents make the mistake of forgetting that their children are individuals and human beings and that noone can control anyone; all we can do is teach our children the difference between what they want and what they need, and how get those things; how to "control" their environment so their lives can be lived to the optimum of health of happiness. If we "control" our children rather than their environment, we alienate them. If we "control" them too much for their spirit to handle, we abuse them.

Answer 7

Some of those things can be very extreme.

To you question, it depends on the type of control.
If you let a kid be who they are, i.e. guide them on their interests to be those that are not bad for them, but let them chose what they like for fun and for work, then you are merely being a good parent.

If you tell them that they "have to" go into a certain job, like certain things, and give them no choices, then you are being too controlling and that could be a bit abusive. The kid will get confused and have to sort it out later in life.

Telling a kid they have to make their bed, clean their room, etc is not abuse. That is just getting them to learn the skills they need to live life.

Answer 8

No, the social worker meant...well, what he/she said, "abuse BEGINS with a parent trying to control children." This in and of itself is not abuse, but the actions that may/may not result from it can be.

Answer 9

that the truth when a parrent controls a child. then it moves on to where the child is hit on continue basics. then they move on to sexually abuse. The thing is I know what I talking about I lived through it.

Answer 10

it is a form of abuse but ti depends on how strict or what kind of controlling it is. Ther are times when kids need to be controlled but if it is to the point of them becoming afraid of you then it's abuse.