Is controlling children ...abuse ?

Question

Is controlling children ...abuse ?

While attending a "workshop presentation" on child abuse a corruption of sorts was noticed.

First the model used was that of 'cult-feminists' a model that attacked men, ie child abuse = men who abuse, women and children victims. You will note the polarizing nature of this half-truth.

At the workshop the 'social worker' got up and stated that child abuse begins with a parent trying to 'control' the child.

What do you think ? Is "controlling' a child, child abuse ?

Answer 1

I don't think so. You have to keep your children in control. You have to make them mind and all that sorts. That has nothing to do with abuse.

Answer 2

As a former Paramedic who's seen too much abuse (both child and elderly) and who was emotionally and physically abused as a child, I'm sorry that you were exposed to this propaganda session pretending to be education. They used the word "control" for lack of a better one. But, beware of the different definitions here. An abuser may feel that they want a certain behavior or act from the child, and then becomes abusive when the child doesn't comply. The thing to remember, however, is that the desired outcome is almost always contrary to the situation at hand. For example, the child has injured him/herself and is crying. The abuser will yell at the child to quit crying (the non-physical process of abuse). (not very soothing and comforting) The child continues to cry. The abuser becomes angrier and starts the PHYSICAL process of abuse. Abuse is a crime of violence against people incapable of defending themselves. It's emotional and/or physical cruelty towards the weak. You don't say WHY you were attending the workshop, but I pray that you're never exposed to real-life abuse. As a person who has faith in the one true God, I pray for the victims of abuse.

Answer 3

Controlling is such a subjective word. What is control to one person is control to another.

Think of it like a controlling relationship. They make you do everything they want you to. They manipulate you and punish you if you don't do what they want you to do.

I think there is a distinct difference between control and discipline. Discipline is where there is a reward and punishment (one that fits the crime) for behaviors.

I think controlling is a form of mental abuse. It just hard to explain what I mean by controlling. Controlling is when you make a child do and say things how they want it. Beyond doing the right thing.

When you are teaching a child the proper behavior with rewards and discipline that is not control. For example a child that gets A's on their report card you give them a treat. If they get F's you take away their video games.

Control goes way beyond that.

Answer 4

I think it depends on how the parents are controlling the child. Parents need to be able to control what kids do up to a point. If the kid wants to go to a friend's house, but the parent knows the kid needs to do homework, then the parent should be able to overrule the kid. However, if they parent is trying to control the kid in extreme situations (where sexual/mental/physical abuse comes into play), then that is the parent abusing the child.
Think about it: if your parents had not controlled some of your actions, what would have happened to you? Could you, seriously, as a four-year-old child, decide what is best for you? No. That's why we have parents.

Answer 5

There's controlling children by completely breaking their will to keep them under your thumb and then there's controlling children by directing their energies into more positive channels in an effort to allow them to experience life and grow as a person.

If you're trying to break anyone's will then, yes, that is abusive. If you're trying to channel the child's (or person's) energies into a more positive outlet then no. Either you took what the speaker said literally or they presented the subject poorly.

Answer 6

As a parent we have to teach them right from wrong .eating healthy foods love them equally and keep a watch over them to keep them safe.We are taught here now not to hit children and in some cases the parent has been taken to court for judgement .But my veiw is that a contolled smack or hit on the arm or backside did me no harm if you are not in contol when doing this then that to me is abuse.In the modern society we are told to make them go to their room until they behave but how can you do that when you are out shopping of course you cant so they expect us to ignore the child in the shop until they stop misbehaving with some children this can be a long time and to me useless .So then you try to divert their attention to something else but dont reward them with what they like like lollies or chocolate because then they learn if they misbehave they get rewarded .You should give them a little more space under your supervision as they learn each lesson that way you are in controll but giving them a chance to do the right thing or make a mistake with you there to help and support them .Teach them about stranger danger that is talking to people they dont know .

Answer 7

controlling a child does not necessarily mean "abuse". but it all depends upon the method of controlling. if it's too much already then i suppose it is. there are some parents who are extremes when it comes to discipline. we need to impose some discipline to a child but not to the point of being too harsh to the child. a child must be gievn enough room to grow normally. not too tight, not too loose. moderation in everything.

Answer 8

I don't think it's nessecarily all of the controlling of the child... Maybe when we grab their arms quick, so they don't run away in a store?

If he thinks controlling a child (the way the child dresses, the way the child does his homework) is abuse... he sounds a bit like a quack.

Answer 9

controlling, in what why? by this i interpret controlling as making kids toe the line. Knowing the difference between right and wrong. Vieled threat of, 'should you come home with a policeman in toe, watch out!' Is that controlling? I think it's being a parent, and my kids do not control me. I am the adult.

Answer 10

Control: verb
a : to exercise restraining or directing influence over : REGULATE b : to have power over

Depends on what type of control the person is referring too. Controlling when the kids go out and who they go out with is good parenting not control. Yes we all have power over our kids it is how we teach them to be respectul to others and become good members of society.

Part of what has happened in this country is the government has taken the "control" from parents and from that we have kids running around doing whatever they want. BUT when parents try to control what the kids do that is now called abuse.

AND in the case of this lady at work she was taken to court for not controlling her child and making him go to school. She took him to school everyday (never missed 1st period) after that class he would just duck out. Now they want her pay 1000's in fines for not making him go to school.

Our system has made us criminals if we do control our kids and criminals if we dont....Glad my kids are grown and YES I controlled them day or night.