NEED HELP FAST!! Should I go or not?

Question

My wife left me 5 months ago for another woman. She has also since dated two other guys ( I know this because she moved three blocks away, but that is another story.) She is giving my daughter a 7 year old birthday party at a kids' party place. She invited me. I don't want to go. everyone said that that is terrible.

I get my duaghetr and my son next week. I can buy her a cake and invite a couple of the neighborhood kids over then. I am beginning to feel like rent-a-husband. For the high holidays, she called me to go to services with her and the kids, I did. Then she turned as cold as ice. She then called to "plan" the birthday party. She is not inviting her man or the other men or their kids. She wants this to be a "family occasion." She can't have a family when she wants and act single when she wants. What do you think. As of now, I am planning not to go. Thanks.

Was that a deep seated fantasy? Ha! I mean that she left me for another man.

ANSWER FIRST BEFORE READING THE FOLLOWING:
are you people reading the whole question? maybe all of youanswering are adulterers and think that having both a marriage and a single life at the same time is OK.

What is interesting is that last week I asked this question as a woman and the vast majority of answers were that the husband was a jerk and the wife shouldn't go. Interesting.

Answer 1

I would not go that's exactly what you sound like rent-a huband & trying to pull off the perfect family life ( which will not exist for her) . You can celebrate on your own with your daughter when you want to & how you want to. An old saying you can't have your cake & eat it to comes to mind meaning time to stand up for yourself & your kids will always be your kids & will never let you down. Don't go you'll save yourself a lot of aggravation. Good luck!!

Answer 2

I would go because I agree with the others she is trying to keep you in the loop albeit a messed up one but you should go for your daughter, BUT I would also inform your ex-wife that while you appreciate her keeping you in the loop that this is how you feel. I think the real problem is you are not over her yet. For if you were this wouldn't be such an issue, she is not inviting the other "people" just you so in a way it is family time just not in such a traditional sense. I know couples that invite everyone to their children's parties and it works for them. Is your daughter excited about this party and your attendance? Being there for her is more important than your feelings on the matter and I really think that this about you being angry still (understandably). Good luck

Answer 3

While I agree with you that your ex-wife cannot have her cake and eat it too. I think what she is trying to do is have her own life but still include in the holidays and family events like birthdays and graduations and what not. Just because you and her divorced does not mean that you are not still a family. You have children together and they have to come first and formost above all other issues between you and your wife. Go for you Daughter it would mean a great deal to have her dad there. If you give her a second party you are only making her feel like she has to choose between her parents. Be the bigger man and be her Dad.

Answer 4

if you go, your daughter is going to sense the tension. and besides- what kid wouldn't want TWO birthday parties! i think it is good to do things together with the kids after a divorce if the parents truly get along after the marriage is broken. obviously this is not the case and your ex- wife wants things on her terms. kids aren't stupid. if there is any tension at all between you two, then she will feel it, and may even feel like it is her fault. plus, it's better to get her used to you two doing things seperately right away. it is less confusing. and remember- she's the one who left the marriage. she can't expect to make all the rules now. just give your daughter all of your love and attention when you do have her. i hope everything works out for you. divorce means a lot of sacrifice and truly thinking about what is best for the kids in the long run. and you can't worry about what everyone else will think, because everyone else is not her father.

Answer 5

This is an extremely difficult situation, if you have a good relationship with your kids, and want to maintain that, you should go to the party for your daughter; and try your best to ignore what is going on with your wife.

Since you are still considering her to be your wife, are you undecided if you want her back or not, as many people would have already filed for, or be divorced in this situation.??

It is immoral of her to be acting this way, and then expecting you to play the husband on chosen occasions. She sounds as if she is wanting to have change and excitement in her life, as well as the image of the marriage. Have you thought of getting some counseling? This may be helpful to you to sort out your own feelings.

You do need to do what is best for your kids, and they need to be your focus, no matter what happens in the future with their mother. Best of luck to you and your children. I hope things work out well for you all.

Answer 6

You should go - not for your wife but for your daughter. She is the one who needs to see that you care more about her than the pain that your low life witch of a wife is causing the family. I would also do something special on your own for your daughter also. Whatever you do - do not let your kids feel like they are caught in the middle - by going you are going to be the reliable, strength that they will come to rely on - not a "different bed" every night whore like your soon to be ex has become -- I wonder how faithful she was before??

Answer 7

I think if you don't go, you will hurt your daughter. I can understand that you don't want to go. I wouldn't want to either. But do it for your daughter, NOT your wife. You don't have to stay long. Just long enough that your daughter sees that you care and love her. She is the one who chose to leave and start a life with another man. You shouldn't have to pay for that mistake at all. As far as going to the holiday services with them. I would tell her no. She just wants you when she wants you, don't let her do that to you. Just tell her when she left to be with another man, the "family" theme died. Tell her you are there for your kids ONLY. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

It would probably mean the world to your daughter if you go. You should do it for her and put aside the differences with your wife for the day. As hard as this might be, you need to provide a loving environment for your children who are going through a terrible time that is no fault of their own. You are the adult here and need to act like one. Set the example for your wife and children. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 9

I think that you need to go for your daughter's sake. You have a long road ahead of you in terms of interacting with your now seperated spouse at your kids activities. You don't want to miss out on special moments with your children just because she will be there do you? Don't let your feelings supercede your children's needs and that includes blowing off special occasions like this. Be the bigger person and go and be civil to your spouse. Your children will grow up respecting you for your actions.

Answer 10

You should go for your daughter, not for her and make it clear that you are coming for the kids. She probably is only inviting you for the kids sake, not for her sake.

A divorce that is caused by one of the spouses cheating is never a good one. I was divorced for the same reason but it was my husband that was doing the cheating. And honestly if I had my way I would never see him again, but having a child between us that is not a choice that I can make.

You have to be courteous to one another and try to get along for the kids sake, but you never have to get back with her.