from the hospital in floods of tears and told me her dad is dying and it will be in the next few hours . I am not very good with dealing with emotional people , i am a good listener but i don`t know what i can say to make a positive impact . Please help . Everytime the phone goes my stomach churns .... Shes my best friend but i feel so useless .. I cant go to the hospital , i have 4 kids and there are other members of the family with her ....
2006-10-28 02:58:18 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I have told her what is always said , i am here for her etc and if theres anything i can do to help etc ....
2006-10-28 03:00:15 · update #1
I remember what it was like when my dad died so i know it`ll be okay to speak of him , i always talk about my dad and i still talk to him .
2006-10-28 03:18:50 · update #2
UPDATE..... my friend (Susan) called me a little while ago to let me know her dad passed peacefully at around 3pm . We chatted for a while about things and about her dad and i told her all words of comfort and thankfully she managed to laugh by the end of the conversation , she was just really pleased to be able to have held her dads hand as he left this world . Now for the funeral :(
Thanks to all who took the time ....
2006-10-28 06:59:52 · update #3
First of all, It is hard - not just for you, but for lots of people to speak to someone when they're really upset. I'm sure you are a good listener and would probably fly over to the hospital if you could.
It sounds like you are being a good friend by just listening on the phone. She needs to let it all out and just have someone listen and not judge. Believe it or not that is the most positive impact you can have. A person in this state can't be turned around by your words or anyone's words. You said she had other family members there with her grieving and supporting each other. It's a tough process.
If her dad does pass, you can show her you care by being there at the funeral and at the wake and then later when she's more calm, explain that you have trouble dealing with people when they're upset and wished there was something you could have done. Realistically, what could anyone have done to improve her feelings? Grief is hard.
2006-10-28 03:33:24 · answer #1 · answered by Oh Wise One 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would find someplace for the kids to go for a few hours, like Grandma's or a friend's house. Then I would stop by Dunkin Donuts or something like that, pick up a Box of Coffee and some Munchkins and bring it to the hospital. If she smokes, bring a pack of her preferred brand and a lighter. Show up there with these tools in hand, let her know you can only stay for a certain amount of time and hang out with her.
If that's not possible, make a large lasagna or something like that and invite her and her family to pop over for some home cooking. They are probably all eating hospital cafeteria food and would look forward to a nice real meal. This way they can come in stages so no one has to leave Dad alone. Also, this way they are at a place with a phone so they can call every 5 minutes or someone from the hospital can call them.
Anything you can do, like cooking up a lasagna or trotting over some coffee is a nice gesture and will bring comfort to them.
There is nothing you can say to make it all better, so don't even try. Listening is the best thing you can do.
2006-10-28 10:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by Bonnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs family right now. But don't miss the funeral. Tell her you're there with her even though not physically. She will understand that life happens and you have children to tend to. It would be a lot different if it was her in the hospital. What ever you do for her will be appreciated. I'll pray that her father goes in peace and makes it to Heaven. God Bless you and your's woman.
2006-10-28 10:09:25 · answer #3 · answered by artist_eye1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can say at this time except that she and her family will be in your prayers. Just listen to her, and pray for her. Thats all. Too many words will be just that.
Make her a meal for her and her family, she probably doesnt feel like cooking in the next few days.. So help her out in that department.
2006-10-28 10:01:19 · answer #4 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually i disagree with oagsoccer, when my died died, i used to get annoyed with people who would avoid talking about him. It was like he didn't exist. But it different for everyone. What you need to do is find out what she wants from you. But there is absolutely nothing you can say to make this better, so don't, just listen. it may be all she wants.
2006-10-28 10:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by Georgie's Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard situation and i really don't know what is best,
Just be there for your friend, just give her a hug when she wants one and just let her talk to you when its right for her to do so, My dad is dying too and its just nice to know that my best friend is there to listen to me and also give me a hug when i need one.
Just assure her that you are there for her.
2006-10-28 10:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by blondegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that your sorry and your thoughts and prayers are with her. It depends on what kind of person she is, she may want to talk about it but most people don't right after it happens. But your her best friend it will come to you. sorry for your loss and goodluck.
2006-10-28 10:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by tina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right now ur friend cant think straight.. so even if ur away from her u remind her things she should do .. like the funeral or if she already contact her closest relatives .. insurance or anything she must do ... it will keep her mind out of her saddness and it will make her use her think straight even in her present state of mind...
2006-10-28 10:14:58 · answer #8 · answered by Kate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'tr caring, and there for her to talk too, it makes us feel helpless when others go through terrible times, but that is all you can do, so keep on being there for her.
2006-10-28 12:27:13 · answer #9 · answered by emily_jane2379 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is awful, make sure she knows you are there if she needs you! im sure she'll understand you cant take all your kids to the hospital!
2006-10-28 10:00:51 · answer #10 · answered by Sneaky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋