2006-10-28 02:37:44 · 11 answers · asked by katem1992 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Halloween
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What did mama cannibal said to baby cannibal when he told her that he really liked his grandfather?
"Would you like another piece?"
What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant?
He had two waiters and a busboy.
What did the french fries dress up as for Halloween?
Masked potatoes.
What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Tombstones.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'd like a beer and a mop!
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
What do you do with a green monster?
Wait until it ripens.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.
What is a ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
What is a ghost's favorite oatmeal?
SCREAM of Wheat.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
What is Dracula's favorite kind of dog?
A blood hound.
What is the tallest building in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building.
What kind of key opens a casket?
A skeleton key
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos.
What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
Sheet music.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.
What type of music do ghosts prefer?
Spirituals, of course.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
Ghost toasties with booberries.
What's a ghost's favorite desert?
Boo-berry pie.
What's a ghoul's favorite game?
Hide-And-Go-Shriek!
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's big and gray and wears a mask at the theater?
The Elephantom of the Opera
What's big and green and goes "Oink, Oink?"
Frankenswine.
What's Dracula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
Vein-illa.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
What's the best way to catch an ear of corn?
Use a cobweb.
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office
Where do most werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California.
Where do you take a ghost who's backed into a lawn mower?
To a liquor store. That's where they retail spirits.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
Where does a one-armed man shop?
At a second hand store.
Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Which songs does Dracula hate?
"You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders."
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.
Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes.
Why are so few ghosts arrested?
It's hard to pin anything on them.
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafeteria?
He heard children were half price.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
Why did the ghost starch her sheet?
She wanted everyone to be scared stiff.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why do you always see ghosts & demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
Why were there screams coming from the kitchen ?
The cook was beating the eggs.
2006-10-28 07:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by Lacy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enjoy these Halloweeen One Liner Jokes
1] Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...
2] What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...
3] Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
4] How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
5] What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
6] Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
7] Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...
8] What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...
9] What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...
10] What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
11] What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...
12] What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"
13] What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
14] Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...
15] What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...
2006-10-28 02:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by gracious_78 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why couldn't the skeleton go skydiving?
He didn't have the guts.
What instrument does a skeleton play?
The Trom-Bone.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the Body Shop!
What do you call a stupid skeleton?
Bone head
How does a skeleton open doors?
With a Skeleton key.
What did the skeleton order with his beer?
A Mop!
How do you tell the difference between a male skeleton and a female skeleton?
The female skeleton is the one with the diamond ring
2006-10-28 02:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
8/10
2016-05-22 02:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A married couple were invited to a masked Hallowe'en party.They were eagerly looking forward to it but at the last minute the wife cried off with a headache. However she didn't want to spoil her husband's fun and insisted that he went on his own. So he set off for the party in full costume.
After lying on the bed for an hour,the wife began to feel better and decided that she was well enou gh to go to the party after all.When she arrived,the party was in full swing. She quickly spotted her husband but chose to keep her presence a secret from him,something she was able to do since he had no idea what her costume was. Instead she preferred to observe him,to see how he behaved when he thought she wasn't around.She watched him from afar as he flirted,kissed and danced with other women and then figured it was time to make a move on him herself,still without revealing her identity.
Disguising her voice,she sidled up to him and said:Fancy a breath of fresh air?"
"Sure",he replied "I know the very place."
And with that, he led her to his car where they had sex on the back seat.
Both returned to the party but shortly before the unmasking at midnight,she slipped home alone,removed her costume and went to bed.Waiting for her husband to come home,she wondered how he would be able to explain his behaviour at the party.
"How was it?" she asked when he finally arrived.
"Oh,you know I never have a good time when you're not there,darling."
"Did you dance?"
"No not one dance. In fact when I got there,I met a few mates and we went to the den and played poker all evening."
Oh,yeah?" said the wife.
"But I tell you," he continued."The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a good time!"
2006-10-28 03:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by the gunners 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know ne, but it's a classic
1) what did the Skeleton say befre eating?
Bone-apa-tiete
2006-10-28 03:00:30 · answer #6 · answered by Chibicho 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does a withc drink for medicine?
Pumpikin Jucie! hahahaha
2006-10-28 02:46:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Demented joke or practical joke? I'm rather fond (and good at) the latter...
2006-10-28 02:53:55 · answer #8 · answered by Ivy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confucius says: Witch who fly broom upside down have crack up.
2006-10-28 02:46:42 · answer #9 · answered by Marenight 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hundreds.
Like...
Why can't the witch have children?
(Because the warlock has a Hollow-Weenie)
2006-10-28 02:39:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋