How badly do i need counselling/therapy, and how can i,(possible for free or voluntary)?

Question

I'm discreet gay... and it's my choice to stay discreet, again as i said in my first question because of CHILDHOOD INCEST MOLEST by my uncle... (psychologically my first libido was triggered by a man, plus i had sexual pleasure)
I'm NOT really comfortable coming out in the open, (as you know, whether we like or not, EVERYBODY hates to be STEREOTYPED, ergo still we don't like it... and that's my choice)
and since, especially, ridicules were at me at a young age.

Keeping it has become an agony to me, although there were many times, i was suspected to be one(homosexual).
Funny as i am,(a real funny one, like a clown, i entertain a lot, even if my heart bleeds) I still could not avoid people question my identity, i just joked around it and hide my true feelings...

I've HAD had a number of BEST friends then, (female and men)but only one of my female friends know me best. One of my close male friend, had a hint but then drops the topic... Honestly i like him too. i need male figure

actually, i don't seem comfortable with female counsellors/therapists... i guess it would be much better if he's a STRAIGHT male... other than it's because we're both men, he can understand a man's nature, sexual urges... even if mine is with the opposite sex... SO I WONDER,,, is it JUST? am i building my STANDARDs, or SHOULD this be considered?

i mean, even if my sexual urges are with the same sex...(NOT with the opposite sex) LET ME CORRECT that.

Answer 1

Yes, you can get therapy. There are many programs based on income available to the general public. You may or may not be homosexual. The thing about incest or child molestation of any form...it oftens confuses the victim. Many males who were molested by male perpetrators, come to believe that they are gay. The think that that is why it happen to them or they have guilt because on some level they had a physical response of pleasure. That is seldom the case. The males then withdraw from normal relationships and go the route they believe to be true. The fact of the matter is that if this act had not happened to you, you would be an entirely different person, with different beliefs, interests and self esteem. This sicko man that molested you, has changed the person you have become. You may not even remember who you really are any more. You really do need to get in a good counseling program. One that can help you come to terms in what has happened to you and help you heal the wounds it has caused you. The wounds cannot completely go away...but the good news is that you can have health & happiness and heal the painful & sick results of the wounds. The scars that remain will remind you of your character. You will look at your life differently. You will come to a place that you can put things into the right perspective and stop replaying the act over in your mind. Each day you live with this and replay this memory over in your mind...you give the perpetrator more power and control over your life. You need to and deserve to take the power and control back over your life. This is one of the worst crimes ever commited on anyone. The damage it does to the victim is not clearly visible as with physical assaults etc. Many people do not see or realize the depth of your pain and suffering because it is inside you. The truth of the matter is has had devastating effects on you. I feel your pain. I have a strong spiritual gift of empathy and I really feel your pain. I will pray for you and always believe in you that you can get healed. I hope and pray that you find a good counselor who really helps you. Some counselors are not really able to help someone like this. If you do not have success with one, do not give up. Fight for yourself. Keep your eyes on your goal of healing. Find the right person who can offer the help. The healing process will be painful at times...think of it as though the doctor (counselor) as digging deep into your soul and getting into the painful area of your inner being and trying to extract the root of what is causing the problem. It will hurt to dig deep into your soul and pull out bad memories, but it is necessary. Be honest, cooperate, do not give up. They can give you meds to help while you are healing but they do not fix the problem. Think of the meds like antianxiety or antidepressive meds as a kind of numbing agent used only to assist with the healing. Once the heling has occured the meds should be discontinued. The scars that remain will be your character marks. You will no longer see this event the same. It will be something that you overcame! You will be your own hero. Then maybe, you will be able to help someone else along your life journey. The truth is that 1 out of 5 men and 1 out of 3 women before the age of 18 years old have been molested by someone they know and trust. It is usually a family memeber, a friend, a neighbor or someone involved in the families immediate circle of trust. This crime is not just the sex act, on the contrary it is a huge violation of trust and well being. Each person that stands up to this helps stop this crime. Perpetrators believe that the victims will not come forward beacuse of fear, shame, disbelief etc. Stand up! You are doing this for you and evry person who ever was avictim. Yes, sure there may even people who do not believe you...so what..that is their problem. The more and more people that come out builds fear in the perpetrators...they start to realize that victims are gaining courage and respect and that they may be found out so they become more hesitant to molest the next person. Another startling fact is that a molester never stops at one victim. They have several victims and ususally never stop until they are caught and locked up. They do, most often have a pattern. Like some prefer males, some females. Some like toddlers, some like prepuberty age and some like teenagers etc. You may be able to identify others that he has molested too. Some may admit it and some may not. The ones that face the truth and get help will heal, those who choose to suppress will walk around not really living just existing and suffering inside in denial. Remove this block in your life and then you have a new adventure. You can start a new journey to discover the real you that has been waiting to get out. Best of love, health, happiness and healing! God be with you!

Answer 2

Conservatives have forgotten the past (ironic, I know), so they are repeating the mistakes of history in their ideology. From "Lectures on the Industrial Revolution in England" by Arnold Toynbee (1884) {The other class of paupers, the impotent poor, had been directed by a Statute of Richard II to beg within a certain limited area; in the reigns of Edward VI and Elizabeth the necessity of compulsory provision for this class of poor slowly dawned upon men's minds. At first the churchwardens were ordered to summon meetings for the purpose of collecting alms, and overseers were appointed who 'shall gently ask and demand' of every man and woman what they of their charity will give weekly towards the relief of the poor. Mayors, head-officers, and churchwardens were to collect money in boxes 'every Sunday and holyday.' The parsons, vicar and curate, were to reason with those who would not give, and if they were not successful, the obstinate person was to be sent to the bishop, who was to 'induce and persuade him'; or by the provisions of a later law, he was to be assessed at Quarter Sessions (1562). Such was the first recognition of the principle of compulsory support, of the fact that there are men in the community whom no one will relieve. There appears upon the scene for the first time the isolated individual, a figure unknown to medieval society, but who constitutes so striking a phenomenon in the modern world. And hence springs up a new relation between the State and the individual. Since the latter is no longer a member of a compact group, the State itself has to enter into direct connection with him. Thus, by the growth at once of freedom and of poverty, the whole status of the working classes had been changed, and the problem of modern legislation came to be this: to discover how we can have a working class of free men, who shall yet find it easy to obtain sustenance; in other words, how to combine political and material freedom.}

Answer 3

Reading your question I would say you'd better get some therapy. What has happened to you is awful! But I don't quite get it. are you ashamed of your homosexuality because of the things that have happend to you? Or do you feel like your uncle "had a right"to do what he did if you admit that you are gay? Honestly, I don't think what happened to you has got anything to do with you being gay. And your uncle should be hung by the nuts for what he did to you. Stop joking around, it's killing you inside, get to the bottom of your pain and try to overcome it. Good luck dear.

Answer 4

The fact that you are ( closet) gay does not have anything to do with your mental health. You are not gay because of some mental deficiency.
The childhood experiences however are a serious problem.

You should try to keep the two issues separate, clumping them together as it seems like you are doing ( cause and effect?) might make your problems seem larger than they are.

There is nothing wrong with you!

I do suggest you seek help to deal with the trauma the childhood experience has obviously caused you.

Answer 5

Most large cities have gay support groups. Childhood abuse tends to be the origin of many severe mental health issues.

Answer 6

Go to a Christian church for free counseling.

Answer 7

Go to your local health department. Most of them have you pay by a sliding scale.

Answer 8

You need help bad.

Contact your insurance provider for a list of in-network therapists and pick one.

I wish you the best!