My husband makes me feel like a loser because I don't currently have a job.?

Question

I used to work 14 hour days while raising three children. Now I am having a hard time finding a new job. I feel bad enough about myself as it is. It hurts me so bad when he tells me that I am worthless. I wish I had known that he felt this way 16 years ago when I married him. He never wants to go anywhere although he makes great money and I still have some saved. He does not seem to enjoy spending time with me. He makes me feel so bad that I am upset most of the time. My children see me cry a lot. I don't like them to see me like this. Believe me, I know I need a job but in the mean time... how can I get him to treat me with respect?

Answer 1

Ask him if he would prefer you turn a few tricks in the meantime to make money!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I think it is so unfair for your husband to tell you that you are worthless when in fact I find it amazing for a person like you to raise 3 kids and still be able to work 14 hours a day. I do not know why your husband cannot see this. In fact, he should be greatful because despite him having a good job and earning good money, you still found a job and contributed to the financial needs of the family. I think it is time for you to confront your husband, tell him how you feel about how he treats you. Stop being sorry for yourself instead be proud because you are not a worthless person. Show him that you are a person who should be respected because you have given a lot for the family. Stand up for your rights and do not allow him to treat you this way. If he doesnt enjoy spending time with you, then spend your time enjoying with your children and your friends. You deserve this after working so hard not only in raising your family but also sharing in the responsibilities of your husband.

Answer 4

Respect is something you have from me! A total stranger!

This man is abusing you! Look at the big picture! You worked 14 hours a day. You were mom, wife, and maid for the last 16 years!

Contact your closest abuse hot line! Talk with them, figure out what to do, and where to go.

It will only get worse!

Your children more than likely see the bigger picture. I am assuming they are in there teens. Why don't you talk them? Share how bad you feel about not working, ask if they are needing anything you are not providing?

I am guessing this will open the flood gate to a door of communication you really need to hear.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

I hope your realize that this is not about having a job.
He is upset you are not bringing in money to add to the pot. They donot realize that it is a full time job looking after the family and household...
If you are actively looking for a job in your field that is good enough. If there is no opportunity right now, then so be it.
You have nothing to feel bad about, nor should you feel like any less of a person for not having a job.
14 hrs a day working is a long day. I don't know what you were doing.. but it borders on workaholic to me. Is he the same way. workaholic???That would explain his comments to me.
You need to stop blubbering in front of your children, you need to stand up and be counted, for all the wonderful things you do.... and you need to tell him to stop the verbal abuse because you are not listening to it any more. Take back your power and be strong... He can't hurt you emotionally unless you let him... Where is your backbone????? This is a 50-50 partnership and honey you are doing your half... Do not discount your services to anyone.. the women of this world are the basis and foundation of the family.... without them the family crumbles.....
If he does not want to spend time with you, get a hobby... circle of friends walking clubs, book clubs, hiking, biking..etc. keep your self busy outside of home ... Even if you find a job, keep up the connection to other people, as it stimulates your mind and soul... It is very important for us to feel a bond with someone outside our home and family,. It is your outlet to express yourself and what you are feeling... Good friends are invaluable...
I think it might be time for "me" so to speak. You have been so busy taking care of your familys needs, that you forgot yourself.
One foot in front of the other gets you started... Go girl...you are so worth your weight in gold... don't forget it;...;

Answer 6

honey he is the loser this is a load of crap. he should be supportive not demeaning, when u lose a job its hard enough on ur self esteem. he must not have listened to the vows "support her in sickness and health"
ur not a loser, dam this crap makes me mad, what an a**. i bet he feels like a big man demeaning his wife. i can already tell u, without knowing u, he is dam lucky and needs to step off.
sorry this gets under my skin and if u read my answers not much bothers me.
it is so hard on kids to see mommy hurting, they feel the hurt too.
if u need a friend to be supportive e-mail me. i do appologize i am leaving work soon, but if u want to talk i will be here tomorrow night at 11:00pm. i have been in ur situation yrs ago and it hurts alot.
don't let this a** get u down. the farther u go down the harder it is to come out of it. i don't know u but u r obvously a good person or it wouldn't bother u.

Answer 7

It appears you need marriage counseling more. Your relationship with this person is abusive (verbally and emotionally) and your children are the real losers here because they see you allowing your husband to disrespect you. I would not let my husband brow beat me into doing his bidding regardless of whether it's true " you need to work."
Stop crying IN FRONT of your children, and get some professional help. The local county health department has free counseling if you cannot afford to go private. Your problem is not being out of work, but not being loved by your spouse in a way that makes you happy. Think about it.

Answer 8

Talking to him isn't going to work...trust me I had a wife just like that, talking pisses off a self-centered person....it's all about them. For him to upset you in front of the kids is about as low as it gets. If he makes enough money to support the family then he's got serious issues. If your struggling then the answer is clear. Sounds like age may be starting to go against you, you maybe not as marketable as you were. Tell him you are going to re-educate take some of your savings and take a few nite courses. Don't get overwhelmed, it's his issue not yours. Most men want to support there families and be proud to say that they are doing it and that there wife doesn't have to work. He's degrading you to make himself feel better about himself. People only make you feel like a loser if you let them. Ignore him, pay no attention to him your focus is on the kids. Start setting yourself up, call DSS, let them know whats going on, if this keeps up your going to have to leave or have him removed and then you'll make his life that of a losers life cuz he's going to pay some child support, alimony, and supply all your health benifits, you get the house all on his income. After 16 years he's only now showing his true colors? I think you may have missed some signs in the past.

Answer 9

You look after him, your kids and him . THAT is your job and it's very worthwhile too. If he makes you feel that bad perhaps you should leave. It would be better for the kids in the long run than to live with you crying all the time. Kids pick up on what's going on. I know cos I was a kid in the same situation. Love, don't saty with someone who makes you feel worthless. Good luck

Answer 10

Raising 3 kids, taking care of a house, laundry, cooking, paying bills, running errands IS A JOB!!! If he doesn't think so...let him try doing it all for one solid week...then you will get the respect you deserve. Personally I would find a job then get out of this relationship...don't spend another 16 years with someone who treats you this way

Answer 11

Don't let him treat in that manner every time he starts criticizing about something you get right back at him about the way he treats you and he will back off soon. Don't let him do this to you stand your ground and be firm. Its hard enough to be unemployed with out all this.
Open up and tell him how you feel if he is not willing to change you know what you need to do.
Be happy with yourself.