Wife & I intimate yesterday tells me she loves me.
Tonight she at party with some guy whose been txting her .
I know right now if she asked to come back i would take her.Married 10 yrs separated 12 months .
I want to regain my self respect i want her back i want my family of 5 back.
Im dying right now shes at party!!!
I know i need to pull back so she cannot rely on my support But i dont know how.One look from her & im back in the vortex.She is the only woman to control me before her I was the original male nothin & nobody bothered mr but when I met her WOW it all changed instantly.
However this is affecting me at work, at home with my kids im not eating ive lost heaps weight perenially down .
I want to be able to let go but dont have the willpower to do it.
Some helpful advice would be appreciated no yobos or dickheads please
2006-10-27 23:46:21 · 7 answers · asked by 69frustrated69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've gone through the same thing about 10 years ago. It took a little over a year before I started, and I mean only started to feel better about myself.
Asking for help and looking for advice it a great begining. At least you recogonize that you aren't being the person you want to be.
I can't tell you what will work for you but I can let you know what helped me. First, I noticed that I wasn't eating well at all and lossing weight. It was hard but I made a concerted effort to eat healthy foods. Believe it or not, that alone helped me to start feeling physically better. Prepare your own meals, this also helps fill time and doesn't give you the opportunity to let you mind wonder.
Next,. I began exercising. I didn't join a gym or get obcessed about it but I did start walking, doing some push ups, situps...things like that, everyday. The routine helped..
Keep yoursefl busy. It doesn't matter if it's doing something at home (ie reading, working on a hobby) or getting out of the house. Don't sit around and whallow. Keep your mind and body active.
You were a good person before you meet her, while you were with and are right now. You need to convice yourself of that. No one can do that for you.
You can be there to support her to some extent as you will always have some sort of realtionship with her because the 2 of your shared a large portion of your lives. However, you need to make sure you aren't taken advantage of. It's hard to say know when asked to help her out and the first time you say "no" will be the hardest, but it has to be done. Again, keeping yourself busy will help. This way when she asks, you can tell her, "I'm sorry but I have other plans"
In no way should you short change your kids. DO NOT take your frustrations out on them or let it effect your realtionship with them. Make your kids the focus of your "family life" and not the wife.
She knows that she can pull you in whenever she wants. It's not healthy for either one of you for you to allow her to have that sort of power over you.
Who knows, maybe showing her some backbone will actually help her to have more respect for you.
2006-10-28 00:41:17 · answer #1 · answered by waveman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What type of husband does your wife see you as? Does she see you as a strong, dignified man? Or does she see you as someone who is willing to put up with her crap! You sound like a loving man, someone who honors commitment. However, this pain inside is causing you to become distracted. Marriage is hard baby, but sometimes the evil in others cause innocent to feel pain. Pray. pray that you are comforted, and pray that you are lead in the right direction. Realize that your wife has issues, and doesnt deserve such a good man. Think of all the women out there who are waiting for you. Waiting for a sincere man. She sees the weakness and is using it to her advantage. Keep in heart you two have children, therefore parental obligations. You need some better self esteem, and you need the confidence it takes to move on. Be in control. Dont allow her to have the liberty of coming and going as she pleases without suffering the consequences of infedelity.
2006-10-27 23:54:09 · answer #2 · answered by Brown Beauty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can love someone without being a doormat for them! If you truly want your family back, then by all means work toward that goal thru counseling. But if she's going to continue going out and just using you for support (and you letting her do this) then nothing will change in the relationship. NO ONE is worth compromising your health for...and if she loved you, she would not be doing this. Your life, health, job, and kids are all being affected by her actions. If she doesn't decide to settle down and have this family life with you...then you MUST find a way to go on without her. Love has to go both ways...so does respect
2006-10-27 23:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there anyone close that you an talk to...someone who you know that can support you? I would be willing to continue to help...but for obvious reasons, cant hold your hand. I would like to say that your wife will come around honey, but i cant do that. It sounds as though she has thebest of both worlds...and you have nothing. Please, please pick yourself up and make a poitive change for your future and the future of your children. life does go on, and although it is difficult right now, you too will go on. eventually you will find someone who deserves you love and your heart. remember, that if you want to chat, i will be here. either email or im me. good luck
ps listen to waveman....he has said some things that will help you through this.
2006-10-28 01:23:26 · answer #4 · answered by KaLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there Buster Brown, why would you want a woman to "control" you. Why wouldn't you want to "be your own man" to heck with her if she's out parting and your stuck. You mentioned "family of five" does this mean there are three kids. If this is so than you have something else to think about, don't you.
Of course this is affecting you, it should and shows your love for her but, she's not reciprocating so, tell her to take a walk instead of mooning around her door while she's making it with others.
2006-10-28 00:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand and act like a man. You only acting like immature gentleman. Why not confront her, talk to her about her plans how to save and have a happy family. If she chooses to have that guy from you, then let her go with that guy, accept reallity that she is not inlove with you. If you don't confront her as early as possible and tolerate all silly things she have done, then next time you will find her in every other guy next door.
2006-10-28 00:03:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should hang out more with your guy friends .. do poker nights or something .. maybe even start talking to some available women also .. she's not the only one .. you can try lots of things to get her back .. you can have open talks whenever you can .. you can try make her jealous ... you'd be the judge of what works .. she's ur wife
2006-10-27 23:50:39 · answer #7 · answered by s a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a woman will that do? Stop going to bed with her that should help you to gain your self respect! You are only a male nothing if you continue to see yourself this way! I could come over and cook and we will be in bed when she gets back!
2006-10-27 23:53:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have one just like you but I will never do that to him - maybe in the begining I tortured him - but I've grown since then.
She told you on purpose that she is going on a date just so she can gripp your balls harder to prove to you who is really in control. And trust me it is a game and it is about who is in control besides that she is selfish and probably has no idea that you actually have feelings.
Do yourself a favour if you want her back treat her like the piece of sh*t she is. I bet you she'll come crawling back. Next time she comes over to have her ego stroked with your penis have an orgasm leave her without one and then kick her out and tell her that you actually have to get ready for a date but you'll call her tomorow then don't. Wait a week and ask her to dinner. Then try to have sex with her and afterwards tell her the other woman turned you on so much and thank her for helping you out.
Then talk about this "woman" you went on the date with and how you think that you are inlove and ask her what to do to get the other woman to like you more.
See I was testing him too see how far he'll be willing to be pushed then when he told me so far and no further I behaved myself and god knows he is the one in control now. I don't mind i kind of like it that way.
You don't have to let go of her you must just learn that being the doormat of your ex is clearly not what she wants from you. Love her but change the way you let her just do what she wants when she wants believe me she is doing everything and becuase you love her you just let her.
You don't need your balls back they are just inlove so you have to do this with you head. She wants you to show her that you are strong enough to also run things. Poor girl is probaly so tired of always having to be the strong one she probably doesn't even know it but she want you to take some control.
She is with the other guy cause she needs a man who can make a dicision and stick to it. She said she loves you and she proberbly do love you but she is waiting for you to tell her that going on dates with other men is going to push you over the edge and she'll regret it. She wants you to go there and push her date around and drag her home by her arm while telling her to behave herself.
Decide what you want and go after it and stop asking stangers for advice about your wife. If you dont know what the he!! to do how are we supposed to. Take control, take control, take control tell her she is not allowed to treat you like that and if she doen't stop you will cut her off but you must meen it when you give her that ultimatum.
2006-10-28 05:25:14 · answer #9 · answered by Chillypepers 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Close the door for good!
You will get good comfortable sleep! Don't wait for her till late night! You should be in the saddle and she should be under you.
2006-10-27 23:53:40 · answer #10 · answered by SESHADRI K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋