I am married to a woman because I impregnated her. I felt that I needed to take responsibility for my irresponsibility and now I suffer. I live with a woman that loves me and yet I am apathetic in every form toward her. We have a daughter, whom I feel nothing for as well - I am not a good father. I feel lost in a fog encircled path with no future in sight. I do not love her and it is tearing apart what little humanity I have left in my tired body. In addition, I bought a house and am scared to break it off due to financial reasons as well as my own cowardice. A day does not pass where I regret my decision. Should I sell my house and pay off our new car first? She can have everything, I do not care; I just want my life back. Even though I am a horrible person, I am entitled to living a life worth living on my own terms - right? Although she is a great person, I cannot find it within my power to love her like a husband should. She deserves someone that will truly love her, for her.
2006-10-27 22:00:53 · 14 answers · asked by Unfortunate Soul 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I read through the answers you have gotten up til this point. I am very frustrated by the people calling you a loser and being well in my opinion rather nasty to you. You are looking for advise not negative comments from everyone Now there will be people who will give me a thumbs down for this attidute but most likely they wont read past this first part. I really don't give a rat's a**s.
I really think you should give your marriage one more try. Please read all of my answer before you choose to skip the rest of my answer. Pretty please with sugar on top. made you laugh didn't I huh huh. Ok so I'm not much of a comedian but I never claimed to be. lol I am just someone trying to give you an honest non judgemental answer. I am not trying to discount your feelings about your wife & child. I am asking for you to think about what I have to say. And yes I mean read all of it even though it is rather a long answer. lol (my wordiness makes my husband crazy also)
While I do think God/Yahweh/Alla is very important. I believe you should be praying about the situation. God can solve many problems. However HE also expects us to help ourselves. Which leads to my next point.
But I also believe Russ has a very valid point. You very well may need counseling because it does sound like depression and that needs to be checkout.
You have made a great start of trying to find a solution to you issues by asking your question here. But it also sounds like you need more assistance than YA can give you. If money is an issue then contact your local healthcare department, they may have programs that can help pay for services.
You also need to have an adult conversion with your wife sooner rather than later. But your daughter should not be present in the home at the time since there is a very real chance your wife will be angry at you and your daughter does not need to be exposed to a shouting match or fight. Especially if your wife has no idea about your feelings toward your marriage and child she may realy let you have it or she may just sit and cry. It can be very upsetting for a child to hear her parents agruing. The child will some times think they are the cause of the problem. Even though you don't believe you have any love feelings for either one of them please be considerate of their needs as well as your own.
Now while I think you should have an adult talk with your wife I think you should tell her you are going to counseling. You may even want to try marriage counseling. Show her you are trying to make an effort to work things out with her. You may even try going to church together as a family. Try praying about it together. See I do believe God is very important in our lives.
At least give it a try. Remember there is something special within yourself that she loves very much. Don't throw the chance for a wonderful life with your wife and child yet. Yes you may feel trapped right now but by really making an effort into your marriage you may find what you are looking for right there in front of you.
Now this may be really hard for you but make a real effort to do things with your wife and child. Like hold hands, go for walks, smile at them. Again talk about it all with your wife. Make an effort to enjoy time with your wife and child. See the silly things that are a part of every day life. Laugh more. Smile more. It is amazing what a change a smile can make in you day. Find little reasons to smile.
Now if after you have tried all these things, you still feel the way you do then it may well be time to seek an attorney. And get divorced. When two people can't make a marriage work it is not in my opinion a good idea for them to stay together just for the sake of a child. Both parents begin to resent each other and some times the child as well.
Make a clean break of it so you both can go on. IF you do get divorced then you need to still be a dad to your daugher. It is not your daughter's fault she is here so your need to be there for her. Don't take out your negative feelings out on her
And if you two are having a inimate relationship then there could be more children on the way. The number of people be whom could ulitmately be hurt if you do decide to divorce is going up from 2 to 3 or more.
Also don't be looking for the new girlfriend or wife number 2 right now. Show your wife and child the respect they deserve even if you don't love them.
So while marriage is never easy please and takes lots of work. Please give your marriage one more chance before going to divorce court.
Now I can give you all the advise in the world but only you can decide what is best for you. But decide carefully. Make sure the marriage can't be saved before moving on to new person. Or what could be depression. Because if you have depression and don't deal with it now then it will follow you to your new relationships.
I don't know if you liked my answer or not but just remember you asked the question. Also sorry the answer is so long lol
Best of luck in whatever choice you make
Peace
2006-10-28 00:23:41 · answer #1 · answered by pj_gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stated that "she can have everything,I do not care" well that takes care of the house,the car and even the baby, but to say "everything" is a lie because like your love she also doesn't have your honesty,a husband or even a "Daddy" for her child.That makes you no more than a sperm donor!! So do as a donor and sign over your parental rights get a divorce so that your ties are truly none then walk away!! what makes you a horrible person more than anything is that by not being honest about this and your true feelings denies an innocent child the chance to be raised by a "Daddy" that truly loves her and her "Mommy"! As for her mother if you do this with the love that you should have had for her from the the beginning will someday thank you for not wasting her time ! (If your lucky)
2006-10-27 22:53:50 · answer #2 · answered by neoglogirl3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must suffer for what wrongdoings you had committed and it's stupid enough for you if you have to neglect and abondon your responsibilities of being a father to your child. Supposed your parents did that for you when you were an innocent kid before what happpened to your fututre today? That you should put in your mind that never do a whatever you have in your mind either temptation ot personal desire to satisfy your sex urge, because every act of that has consequence result. Children born out of wedluck will become liabilty of society if not been taking care of their future parents like you. Wake up if you still day dreaming and learn lesson from the pasts. Try to love the mothe rof your daughter for the sake of your daughter.... good luck.
2006-10-27 22:20:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you don't love your wife but not loving your child I do not understand. Leave your wife and daughter and let her find someone that will be good to her and your daughter. Just make sure that you help support her financially that is the least you can do. You deserve to have a life worth living but so does she. Good luck
2006-10-27 23:40:07 · answer #4 · answered by kelsey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, if you love neither your wife or daughter, it could be detrimental for them to have you there. I know I would not want to live with a husband that did not love me, because it would keep me from finding a man who does love me. And I definitely would grow up with EXTREMELY low self esteem if my father didn't love me. Just try to make sure that they are taken care of. At least you are honest about your feelings. Peace.
2006-10-27 22:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by superfluity 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If all else fails read the instruction manual! Get it out Malachi 2:16 then read all of Ephesians 5 Get on your knees accept Jesus Christ and watch your life look back on this dark moment and be thankful for that "great person" GOD himself put in your life. God Bless Your Home and family. Your Daughter deserves the best in you, show her what you are made of!
2006-10-27 23:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by oohaygators 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DO ME A FAVOR. CONTACT the LORD. ASK G-d to give you a love 4 this woman.AND further more-----ASK hin 4 a love 4 that child. BECAUSE A MAN WHO CANT LOVE G0ds creation and flesh of your flesh has serious problems. YOU have no love 4 a small child? YOU need to fall on your face and ask the G00d LORD 4 help. LOOK If he can help me and turn me around he can you too. MY LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER. YOU LUCKY MAN TO HAVE A WOMAN TO LOVE YOU.
2006-10-27 22:06:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are not ready to end it, consider counseling. Regardless for your marriage, but for your daughter. You express that you don't feel like a dad to the kid. You sound detached. Regardless of how you feel towards your wife, you are that child's father. You need to work that out.
2006-10-27 23:51:20 · answer #8 · answered by Mirus Era 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really admire your honesty in this question but I take it back because your not honest to your wife. If you tell her about it then I think you deserve your freedom. Just by telling is in itself liberating. I promise it would make you feel better if she knows how you feel.
2006-10-27 22:10:59 · answer #9 · answered by lanisoderberg69 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey tell her what you just told us and if she is willing to stay together and sell the house first to get out of debt. but you and she need happier lives but most of all your child deserves better
2006-10-27 22:25:28 · answer #10 · answered by jusme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋