English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

I have been married for over a year and my husband and I have been together for a total to three years. I flew back to my home town to take care of a few things and ended up going out with friends for a drink. Well a drink turned into many. I ended up leaving with my best friend who is my ex boyfriend and sat at his house to sober up. Well next thing I know, we are on his couch kissing and he's giving me oral. He wanted to go further but I freaked and left his house and took my chances driving home drunk. I'm an idiot. I love my husband and I am so fearful of losing him. I'm in tears just thinking about what I did to him, and I don't know what to do. I want to tell him, but I don't want to break his heart. Help!

2006-10-27 19:41:38 · 34 answers · asked by Melissa S 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

34 answers

Melissa, please don't tell your husband. This should not ever be spoken about unless he asks you directly. The only thing you are going to do my confessing is ruin your marriage. And being extra nice to your husband, is going to get him to wondering "why."

Please forgive yourself for this stupid act, and forget it. Don't ever put yourself in this kind of situation again. Next time, you might not be so lucky. You must leave it in the past. The only thing you would gain by telling your husband is releaving yourself of the secret. But for him, it could be a express shot to divorce court. You made a horrible mistake, and luckily you "woke up".

Honey, please forgive yourself and put in the back of your mind, and go on with your life. Your best friend should be put on the back burner, and limit your contact with him. Don't ever get drunk again, there should be no more chances that something like this can happen again. Melissa dry those tears, put on a smile, and make sure your husband knows that you love him.
If you suddenly change and start going out of the way doing extra special things for him, he's going to question. So, you are going to have be the same as before. Then slowly start doing things for him.

Dry those tears, you have punished yourself enough! It was a horrible mistake, and now you got to get on with your life. Don't let the guilt ruin your life, we all make idiots of ourselves, it's living with it-is the punishment. Please don't break your husband's heart, then it would be 2 hearts broken...won't solve the problem. So forgive yourself, and never ever get drunk again. Go take a warm bubble bath, and wash away the episode down the drain.


God bless us all...............

2006-10-28 06:02:31 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0 0

First I will ask you a question:

Between your husband and your ex, how happy have you been with your husband? can you say the same about your ex?

Why are you still in contact with your ex? Why is he even your best friend? It is understandable that you want to keep friends but the problem usually is with exes is that as long as you continue to see them you will always conjure up romantic feelings or reminders of how great the past was (or how horrible it was...), it is a strange thing we humans do.

Never see your ex again, never think of him again. It doesn't matter if he is your friend, you can see what it just did to your psyche and your emotions. Purge his name from your phone, your contact lists, your email- everything. Tell him that after that night, both of you cannot remain friends like this. What kind of friend would knowingly cause you to cheat? Unless you like cheating - thats a moral crime against yourself. I can ramble on but thats aside the point

it is also equally possible that he intended for you to drink a lot so that it could turn out to full fledged sex without the committment.

After all, why get the cow when you can get the milk for free right?

Do not ever, get yourself in this position again and do not do this again.



At some time in the future, you may choose to tell your husband about this incident but I hope he's got a strong and forgiving heart. Perhaps, it is best not to mention this at all to him for now.

I wish you the best.

2006-10-27 19:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by doufu_long 1 · 1 0

Only you can decide what is best to do.

You can confess to what happened, and this is probably the right thing to do. Marriage is built on trust and honesty, and you broke the trust part already. So, you kind of owe it to him to be honest now. Plus, if you don't tell him, then you would always have to live with this in the back of your mind, and what happens if this guy you had a fling with starts talking and your husband finds out through the grapevine.

Or, you can not say anything. Again, you will have to live with yourself, knowing that you cheated on your husband. And, hope that your husband won't find out from someone other that you, that you cheated.

Or, from a different point of view: Wouldn't you want to know if your husband cheated on you? Would you be mad if he kept it a secret?

Good luck in whatever you decide. I know this is not an easy situation to be in, and probably not one that you would repeat if given the chance to do everything over again.

2006-10-27 19:51:30 · answer #3 · answered by star22 3 · 0 0

You should of known better then to party with an ex boyfriend in the first place. We all know what we are doing most of the time when we are drunk we just do not care. It would have to be up to you if you would tell your husband or not. I would say let it be and go on with your life and remember never to do that sort of thing again.

2006-10-27 20:41:43 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0 0

Honestly i think your very stupid first of all to be hanging out with an ex. I actually made it a rule to lose contact wit every guy i slept with after i got married. I mean an ex is not a best friend, he's a guy thats extra nice because he wants to get in your pants.

Now, i really dont know wat you should do. If i was in your shoes, i think i'd just keep my mouth shut, only because i love my husband so much and wouldnt want to ruin my marriage... You may be able to come clean in 10 years, but dont say anything now, wait a few years, your newly weds, be completely honest, and make him see your an honest person then later if you confess he may see it was just a mistake and you being STUPID!

2006-10-27 20:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Lady 2 · 0 0

well......you are in quite a moral dilemma aren't you. the most honest thing you could do is tell him, but you run the risk of losing him, but in the process you will have learned a valuable lesson. Your husband may not leave you, but there will be trust issues for a very long time, which could lead to an unhappy marriage in the future. I wish I could give you an answer that could help you but there is no quick fix for you. you can tell him and risk losing your life with him, or not tell him and let the guilt eat at you for the rest of your life. sounds to me like your best friend(ex boyfriend) had ulterior motives for taking you back to his place. you are not the only person to blame here, but sounds like you are the one with the most to lose. if it was me I would just tell the truth and deal with the consequences, because living with myself and the guilt of what I had done is far worse to me than just being honest and upfront about it. by telling the truth you are acting like a responsible adult who is aware that what you did was wrong and you are willing to take responsibility for your actions. good luck

2006-10-27 19:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by smitty 3 · 0 0

If you feel like you made a mistake then forgive yourself and don't let it happen again, but do everyone a favor and don't let your guilt hurt your husband or your marriage. He might act like he forgives you, but he won't forget or ever trust you the same again. Just let it go as a lesson learned. Hope you enjoyed the oral and at least you didn't go all the way, and no risk of becoming pregnant, right? It never happened. It's just our little secret.

2006-10-27 19:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

ok, 1 good thing to share with you is that at least you clearly know who you really love. maybe what you did was wrong but it's a moment of folly, i guess, and because you're alittle drunk. let's put this pasts aside, you can either tell your hubby truthfully what you've done back in your hometown, or let the whole issue be buried. but always get prepared your hubby may dig out your secrets 1 of these days. think about it carefully and make sure you don't ever repeat this silly mistake again. i believe you love your hubby alot and don't let him down. gd luck and take care!

2006-10-27 20:01:14 · answer #8 · answered by PoshBerries 6 · 0 0

You probably were taken advantage of a little bit, and you did leave the situation. Don't say a word, let the guilt go away, do a few extra nice things for your husband, but do not tell him. If you really feel this guilty, you will probably never do it again, but if you told him it is doubtful that he would understand.

2006-10-27 19:48:47 · answer #9 · answered by raven_roycroft 3 · 3 0

dont tell him then....
it will break his heart. all u need to do is start thinking that u were drunk and if u would be sober u would never do such a thing. forget about it and move on. make it up to ur husband without saying nothing, do some good stuff for him, u would feel better...

2006-10-27 19:51:39 · answer #10 · answered by Ashlee_Hbiba 3 · 1 0

fedest.com, questions and answers