I like someone because, I feel strength with her. We met this past summer; however, I can tell that we are both needy. I made the proposition that we should be friends. I can tell already that she has issues with opening up to men. But for some strange reason, I feel like if we were responsible then perhaps we could have a healthy relationship. However, I am afraid because if things went sour, then she would be like my- ex wife. Advice please.
2006-10-27
18:42:20
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8 answers
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asked by
Jeff W
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't ignore the early "warning" signs but at the same time, u need to stop living in the shadow of your past. The truth is, u will never know how things will turn out until u get to know her better. It could turn out good afterall or could go the wrong way. But, u will never know until u try. So what I'm saying is, don't automatically assume she will turn out to be like your ex wife just because u are seeing some resemblance, but at the same time, keep your eyes open and always be prepared for the worst. That is what life is all about, living and learning.
2006-10-27 19:47:40
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answer #1
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answered by cheetah7 6
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Make haste slowly.
Two needy people can't work out well -- until they become healthy enough to meet each others needs. Let me give you an example.
My first marriage ended with what I would essentially call a series of bridge burning, nasty behaviors by my ex-wife. I was wounded in ways that I couldn't even begin to describe, but I decided that in no way was I going to let the pain define who I was. A number of good friends were there to help me in my hour of need because they themselves had empathy to give.
Fast forwarding a year. I befriended a lady going through almost the same thing I had gone through, and we became very close -- even though I was still healing. My description of the time was that it was like a blind man with one broken leg and a deafened woman with the other broken legs somehow leaned on each other in our strengths and walked each other out of the shadow-lands into a place where we could both see, hear, and walk again. We are extremely close friends -- because we both had a little extra to give, not need. (By the way, friends only -- there was never any sexual contact)
Fast forward another year. I met the lady who I am now married to, and my friend proceeded into other healing relationships. Not based on need, but on the ability to give.
So my advice is to redevelop the ability to give before you get into a relationship, and give your friend the time to redevelop that ability as well. Then she will be in a position to open up. Then you will both be in a place of health where you can rely on each other in a mutually interdependent, not co-dependent manner.
2006-10-28 01:54:22
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answer #2
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answered by HeartSpeaker 3
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Why are you starting the relationship planning the end.
This is completely wrong. Accept this woman for what she is and let it be. Your Ex is exactly that an ex. Your past should be left there in the past. Think about it this way what if it doesn't go sour? Gee give it a chance.
2006-10-28 01:55:04
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answer #3
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answered by joanne_happygirl 2
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Follow your gut, if something tells you it's not right, then it probably isn't. Relationships should start out at the best they will ever be and if this is already in need of help it doesn't sound good. But then again, who am I to judge?
2006-10-28 02:39:56
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answer #4
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answered by Crazy n Confused - PHSYCO 1
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When you go into a new relationship you should never compare it to one of the past. If you live your life based on the past you will never go foward. "Release the old and emabrace the new"!
2006-10-28 01:46:31
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answer #5
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answered by Candy 1
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just take it slow. remember she is not your x and you probably know she has issues too so when she makes the same comparison don't be too hard on her. there is no hurry so just see where this goes. if it doesn't work out then you could always use another friend.
2006-10-28 01:57:44
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answer #6
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answered by skylinbaby 2
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Hello Jeff, Why would you think she would be like your
X wife??? You need to get over your X so you can move on with your life.You need to get somekind of counciling so you can be free of your X..
Clowmy
2006-10-28 01:52:08
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Go to counseling, separately and then together at a later time.
2006-10-28 01:44:44
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answer #8
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answered by GreenHornet 5
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