How do I know if I'd be better off without him?

Question

Been asking this question for a year now. My husband has detached. Long story but he became violent, I called police and he was humiliated in our town. He has calmed himself down and gotten a grip but he says he can't forgive me for what I DID. He still believes it was all my fault and he wouldnt have had to push me if I wasn't making him angry. I've got 23 yrs invested in this and I do love him...in fact, I forgive him. Trouble is has become a business partner here. He has his own bills, schedule and interests. If he is bored he'll ask me to go for coffee with him. He has detached completely. I am a Christian. How long do I have to endure this? Everyone keeps saying will you be better off w/o him but I have no way of knowing...married young and he's the only one I have ever lived with. Never been on my own. I am so very lonely I could scream. Took my first vacation alone last month. Had a great time..until the ride back home when I felt so empty and confused....lost.

Answer 1

The vacation showed you that you can be on your own. In fact you relished in it! When you no longer want to go back to your own home that should be a BIG sign!

The fact that your husband blames YOU for what happened with the violence incident indicates to me that he is not sorry for it, only sorry that he got caught. Maybe he thought you were weak enough that he could pull it over on you and you would never call for help. I'm glad you did. It was the right thing.

You don't want a business partner. You want a life partner. Someone to share all times with not just selected occasions when he is bored. You said yourself you are so very lonely. Is that any way to try to live when you are married? No.

Truth told sweetie you aren't married. That seems to have dissolved long ago not by any fault of your own. To hold on any longer would really be wasting the possibility of the GREAT FUTURE that you could have. With OR without a man.

You say you still love your husband and that is noble after all you've been through. You can still separate from him and give yourself some time away before you decide what you really want to do. Separation doesn't have to mean divorce. If he takes it upon himself to file during that time, you have your answer. He is not committed to it anyway.

Would you be better off without him? Only one way to find out. You're miserable now. What do you REALLY have to lose?

Answer 2

I understand completely, it's hard it really is. I finally got the guts to leave my (now ex) husband recently, he was violent and abusive and emotionally destroyed me, I tried to work things out for our daughters sake. Our situations aren't completely similar, but it seems like maybe some counseling would be good for you two? Is he a Christian as well? If you really do want to leave him, you'll just need a lot of support, emotionally mostly, from friends and family. You can seek alimony for financial support, but the emotional support is much more important, and it takes time to adjust to the "loneliness" I still am trying to adjust, so I understand your fear of feeling empty. Divorce, is fairly common these days, much more than 50% I'm sure now. Even in your case of 23 years, I've seen many divorcees with about the same time invested. I would say consider your options, counseling, or preparing yourself to being alone for a while. I do wish you the best of luck and will keep a prayer in my heart for you and your husband

Answer 3

No we absolutely wouldn’t be more effective perfect off without it. If we went to a equipment more effective like the U. S. operating example, the operating inhabitants would in all likelihood acquire well being coverage as area of an employment advantages equipment and the non-operating inhabitants would ought to guard it themselves – this in basic terms isn’t available. I artwork for a residing and performance not in any respect had any problems with the NHS. If i needed to go inner most i'd. i encounter those that whinge about all of it the time are those that don’t artwork, subsequently don’t pay taxes. The NHS is amazingly for those human beings. Do they not imagine what the different option will be? Sat at abode in affliction, not with the flexibility to arise with the money for clinical care. the quicker human beings recognize that the NHS is a privilege, not a correct, the more effective perfect as far as I’m worried.

Answer 4

He really has a nerve to say he can't forgive you for what he did, however reading between the lines it's possible that maybe he can't forgive himself for what he's done. He has alienated himself from you, maybe that's his way of coping with what happened between the two of you. You need to have a serious discussion before making a decision as to whether the time has finally arrived to call it a day. If you should decide to take this path, I understand that you will at first feel sad, lonely and out of your depth, but you proved by going on vacation alone that you're strong enough to do this. I hope everything turns out well for you.

Answer 5

Next time you go out for coffee with your husband tell him how you feel. Tell him that you still love him and forgive him for what he did and therefore, he should forgive you.Tell him that you love him and want to work things out and that he should come home. If he tells you that he wont come home then it could be that he has already moved on and therefore, you should too. No matter how bad it hurts. You cant make a relationship work if your the only one doing all the work. You should go out with your friends more often, get out of the house so that your not feeling so alone. Seems you get depressed when your alone and thats understandable, but in order to keep your sanity, try to do something more constructive with your time. I hope everything goes well for you. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

First of all, I don't blame you for calling the police. Tough shi* if he felt humiliated. He should've been more concerned with how hurtful his actions were to you, to the extent that you had to call the cops. I think its a good sign that you were alone on your vacation and had a good time. I understand you have 23 years invested in the marriage. That's a lot of history. If you have more downs then ups and feel like your on an emotional roller coaster, or lonelier with him than you are by yourself, I'd say its time to move on. Its your call. God Bless.

Answer 7

You should have known you were better off without him when he became violent. It's not your fault that he decided to get violent . He had other choices he could have made. Like going for a drive or for a walk and then came back. We all have to take responsibility for our actions and so does he. He blames you because its easier than admitting that what he did was really his own fault that his actions resulted in the police being called. If you feel that lonely even when he's there then you are better off without him. I wish you good luck.

Answer 8

If he can't forgive you for what you did? Then why be in the relationship? It's not like you cheated on him or betrayed him. You only did it to protect yourself by calling the Police. And if he can't come to grips with that? Knowing that it was out of protection due to his violent behavior? Then you will always have that hanging over your head for as long as you are with him. Violence and resentment is a very bad mix.

As far as enduring his resentment toward you? You don't have to endure it. Why subject yourself to live the rest of your life with him in misery? So you married young and he's the only Man you have ever lived and been with. There are many RESPECTABLE Men out there. You don't have to settle for less. You need to come to terms with yourself and find yourself before facing the endless battle of a spouse who won't forgive you but yet? You forgave him.

So if he wants to detach himself? Let him detach himself permanently from you. You don't need that in your life. Life is too short to have to live on pins and needles with someone who turned his back on you.

Answer 9

If you are a Christian, you should already know the answer to your question. Start praying and don't stop. Marriage is forever.

Answer 10

wow...have you considered couples therapy? or even just therapy for you or him alone? just follow your heart, because that's where your true happiness lies. life's too short to be that unhappy. good luck