Why are ex husbands so cruel? My ex left me for another woman - he was having an affair. He told me that he was unhappy and that we had grown apart. Although it hurt like he!! I have learned to deal with it. My ex met up with one of my friends today and he proceeded to tell her how happy he was with this woman. How he was head over heels in love with her. How she is meeting his needs - needs that I could not meet. How he was so relaxed and stress free. He walked away from our marriage and our son. He has no responsibilities now. Why does he have to beat me down like this? Why does he have to keep hurting me? It has only been six months since this happened! I have to deal with him for my son's sake but I wish I did not have to see him or talk to him anymore. How do you get past this?
2006-10-27 17:04:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He sounds as if he is trying to make excuses for the reason he left, he can obviously see that you are coping with life without him, perhaps he was hoping you'd fall apart without him. I hope you can continue to be strong and tell yourself that whatever he says he is not going to cause you anymore hurt - remember people will make up their own minds about you and I certainly wouldn't think that folk are over impressed by the way he is discussing things with them. I wish you all the happiness you deserve.
2006-10-27 18:53:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went through this myself. What you need is time. You also need to get a really good therapist, do yoga, and you need some books on spirituality. You have a son, so you have years of dealing with him on a regular basis. You can either be bitter and allow the drama to continue or you can forgive him, yes I said the "F" word.
Forgiveness is the most powerful thing we all have. I don't mean you have to literally say to him, "I forgive you", but you have to do it with in your heart or the pain your ego has suffered will destroy you.
I could tell you stories about my marriage and divorce that could make your head spin. I was married to a narcissist. We had a lot. He cheated a lot. He found a new girlfriend. He told everyone she was a better version of me. He spent or hid most of our money. He left me with our 3 teenage boys. I can keep going, but you get the idea. Point being, once you find peace with in yourself, NOTHING he does or says will ever hurt you again. I feel for you sister, believe me!!! Good luck!
2006-10-28 00:57:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Jones 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, its just a matter of time before you hear him start singing the blues, all is great now because his relationship is still new. LISTEN, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM, DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU LIKE THIS. You will find your happiness in due time, try to be happy with yourself. Look for ways to have a good, and happy life with your son that is feeling sad too. Don't accept anymore news about him, tell your friends you don't want to hear anything about him, and you wish him the best. You'll be alright, just take care of yourself and son now.
2006-10-28 00:19:11 · answer #3 · answered by Joyous Dawn in the morning 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I'm so sorry this happened to you. He's only doing/saying these things to get to you (and you're obviously letting it get under your skin). He'll keep doing it as long as he gets this reaction from you. Take care of yourself. Exercise your a$s off, get as healthy/buff/slim as you can, get all dolled up anytime he's supposed to come around, basically show him in every way you can that you're better off without his sorry a$s.
If he was unhappy and was a real man he would've asked for a divorce, not cheated. He's upset that he ruined his marriage but he blames you for his f^ck up - he wanted to have both a wife and a girlfriend - he's just pissed that he got caught. Typical s$shole behavior.
Stay strong for your son, he is the most important guy in your life now. You can always arrange for him to pick up your son at your family/friend's house so you don't have to see him.
2006-10-28 00:20:04 · answer #4 · answered by smarty pants 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry for the hurt, and I mean it. But think carefully. It will not help anything, and I mean this as a woman to woman piece of advice, to say angry things about your ex. Even if you feel it, try not to let angry, ugly things come out of your mouth. There will be a time when things will be better, your life will be restored, and you will be glad that you restrained yourself from saying and doing things in anger.
Do you believe in God? I don't mean to pry...but God loves you and has a good life for you. I'm so sorry this happened. But life is not over...time will pass and you will heal and things will be all right. You're right about wanting to be civil for your son's sake. I know it's hard....but allow your husband his life. Yours will be rebuilt in time, and happily.
2006-10-28 00:09:31 · answer #5 · answered by Esther 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can have a 3rd person drop off your son to him or have them be their at your home at the time so you don't have to see or talk to him.
The only reason he is going around saying that you couldn't meet his needs is because it makes him feel better about cheating on you. As long as he keeps repeating it he will believe it. Apparently he is not as happy as he would like everyone to believe.
Its like this if he really was happy and pleased with his choice then he wouldn't drag you in the mud. He would concentrate on himself and her.
2006-10-28 01:24:09 · answer #6 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deal with it by looking it into the face and saying FU$! this Shiznit, I am going to have a good day!!! Then you call a lawyer and serve his AZZ with divorce and child support papers!!!! After you have made that appointment, you gather your son, you family and your friends all around you and lean on that support group!!! Take care of your son, take care of yourself, you WILL get through this!!!
2006-10-28 00:10:17 · answer #7 · answered by Easter Bunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You realize that he is a crawling piece of poodle doo and the less time you waste thinking abut him, the better.
Be professional. Do what needs to be done, say what needs to be said and no more. Do not rise to the bait when he tries to hurt (and still control) you
besides, what goes around, comes around and he will tired of this one, because he has absolutely no idea what he wants
2006-10-28 00:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a child together, you're going to have to see him and deal with him...don't let him beat you down!!! Of course he's relaxed and stress free, he walked out on his responsiblities, you are the strong one!! Someday, Karma will step in and kick him in the butt!! Hang in there!
2006-10-28 00:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by Gaia Weeps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because it makes him feel like a big man. the lower you feel the more important he feels. Don't play his game, who give a crap if he is with her, or how good or bad his life is. Karma will bite him in the rear. Personally since you have a kid, I would stick him with child support since he should be supporting the kid too. you just have to learn to not give a darn about him or his life, who cares what is going on with him :P
2006-10-28 00:11:14 · answer #10 · answered by daggermouth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋