i have the money in the family and plan on paying all the closing costs about 7k and going 50/50 in the morgage payments. He has c.c debt from previous marrage about 25k.debt is not from over spending but guilt from leaving his wife and child he gave her everything. he has a hard time paying half our rent which is about half what our house payment will be. i'm afraid if we buy this house he won't be able to pay his share and i could lose everything i have trying to save our house. Should i pay off his debt? i have the money but i'm just scared if i bail him out his controling ex will guilt him back into debt "you abondoned you child" is her famous line to make him do what she wants.Please don't say you need to talk to him about his ex i have and it does no good. i know he would like me to pay of his debt as he has hinted around about it more than once.Would you take the risk of bailing him out and giving him the money in hopes of a better life? please be honest
2006-10-27 16:42:26 · 7 answers · asked by marybowes72 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do not pay off his debt. If he was a real man he would accommodate for a mortgage. Or half. Whatever. If you do pay his debt off, you will just resent it.
Oh, don't buy a house with him unless you are married to him. You could get really screwed over. Seriously. I'm being honest. You are not his mother.
I personally would resent paying for things that I did not buy.
2006-10-27 16:53:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"WARNING!!!!!!!!!"
HOLD OFF getting married...........HELLO!!!!!!!!
A BIG NO asking about paying his debt!!!!!!
Don't EVEN think about it, lady! He might take you to the cleaners!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have to "read between the lines" here-----
YOU said some stuff that clearly shows he's in the RED when it comes to Finances! He would take you down with him, SO, don't help----NOTHING! You'd regret it!
Suggest to him to get him some Credit Counseling then say you can discuss buying a house down the line when he shows he's stable to do so with cleaning up his Finances FIRST!
Anyway, this should be a sign to you what you can expect with his past and debt with the X-Wife! Don't give in, GIRL, OK?
Do NOT risk it------------ the proof is right in front of your eyes!
Also, since this all starts with his X in the first place, and his DEBT there, you can't trust his motives, ESPECIALLY since you said he HAS been hinting!
Please don't give in! You'd BE VERY SORRY!
For all you know, he might be liable to "take the money and run!"
LIKE I said, get him to clean up his past debts, and PROVE it, THEN the both of you can discuss buying a house together!
An honest Man wouldn't be asking for money from a Woman, esp. if you're engaged!
Don't fall for it! Watch your back-----Could even be a SCAM!!!!!!!!
Be careful!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-27 17:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a risk. Not about the ex, but about you bailing him out and then him running off. I don't know you two personally, and I hope that wouldn't happen. If you know he isn't going to leave you, then do this:
Pay off his debt so that you two can be happy, and then have you and your husband call your ex and tell her to never bring up money again. He gave her everything, so he has nothing more to give (what you guys have now is BOTH OF YOURS not HIS and not YOURS).
Good luck.
2006-10-27 16:48:04 · answer #3 · answered by OwNaGeR 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my thinking comes in here like this. sit down and agree to talk openly, honestly, and without argueing. if it starts to be so there is an argument started, agree to shelf the discussion until things can cool down a bit. but my thought would be, take his paycheck to talk about it. and help him make a budget. he pays these cc.s off according to his budgeted amount.
this will teach him control and responsibility. if he gets bailed out, he might do it again and think it is going to be ok cuz someone will bail him out. you are not helping him by bailing him out. he will be loved and helped more if you make him more responsible in his behaviour. when i broke my neighbors window, my mom didnt pay for the window to be replaced. i had to go over to my neighbors house every day for a week and do work for her, to pay for my errors.
when he gets his debts paid off by this particular date, then you can redirect his income into more savings for your house.
that is my thoughts.
hope this helps.
2006-10-27 16:55:39 · answer #4 · answered by nurserascal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put the house in your name. spend the money towards your house , not his debt
2006-10-27 16:45:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry him. You will be in big trouble.
The debt will grow worse and worse, and your stress in your marriage do the same, if you marry
2006-10-27 16:50:28 · answer #6 · answered by ken88dorset 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marry me please
2006-10-27 16:45:14 · answer #7 · answered by big daddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋