My bf of 13 yrs have cheated on me over & over yet i take him back everytime.Can u tell me how do i move on with 3 kids' no money, no friends,i haven't done anything for myself during those years but be a good mom to my kids and a good woman to him,sometimes i have the strenght to just move on but lately i'm feeling very depress.I don't have the support and encouragement i need to go on. Everyone says to leave him, that, i know i have to do but the question is how when i feel like a loser.
2006-10-27 16:31:58 · 18 answers · asked by sweetthing 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to go find a job an be independant! standing on your own two feet feels great and this will give you the confidence to carry on in this.
2006-10-27 16:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been a good mother and a loyal girlfiend, you are far from a loser. Your friends and family will help you emotionally. First you need to find a job, once the money issue is resolved the rest becomes easier. Go to counseling where the people are not judgemental - your local area should have free counseling for you of some type as you do not have money. They may also have job counseling and job assistance. Everyone needs help now and then and there is no shame in making use of the resources available to you. Consistent persistant cheating is emotional abuse. Living with that will only make your depression worse.
2006-10-27 16:39:38 · answer #2 · answered by fancyname 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like everyone says, he can't be worth your troubles. Get a job doing somethign you love, and be happy with who you are. If you keep thinking negatively, things will never appear brighter. Let the good things come of the bad. This may be a poor example but-e.g Your boyfriend has cheated on you but at least you won't have to deal with his jack anymore! Don't be depressed, it's about the worst thign you can do! Brighten up, love the way you are, and start a hobby which you should make time for-doing something you love in peace will help bring down stress levels. And hey, the right guy will come soon enough, you just have to not give up!
Hope I helped
2006-10-30 01:25:20 · answer #3 · answered by maemae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 3 kids that will keep you going.
You will find the strength because you love them & want to give them a better life.
You will be surprized when you need help how the kids will be their, just a hug sometimes will make your day better.
You need to tell yourself everyday that he will not drag you down any longer.
Find a job part time for starters see how it goes, get back into the world.
You will make friends as time goes on.
You only feel like a loser cause he makes you feel that way, don't let him win that battle cause it is hurting you and your kids.
2006-10-27 18:02:21 · answer #4 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. But, we have four children together. He even tells me now, that if I divorce him then he will sign over his rights to our boys. Our boys adore him, and I really want him in their lives. So, I stay, and I stay. They have like this control over us, and it's nuts! Just know, that you are making the right choice by leaving him. The only way you will ever begin to heal is by moving on and proving to yourself that you can do it. You should probably get some counseling also. You can usually get free counseling for a short time through your town's township office. The counselor can help with finding you a job and a place to live. They have lots of resources. I really feel for you. I know that it is not easy at all. Especially when you still have feelings for the guy, like I do. Sorry, my problem not yours. Well, I wish you all the best. Things will get better, they always do. Feel free to email me, if you'd ever like to chat. I need all the friends I can get these days also. Take Care!
2006-10-27 16:54:00 · answer #5 · answered by Jeanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will feel like you are even more of a loser if he becomes your Bf of 14 years & you still have done nothing about it.
Just remember this: If it took you 13 yrs to get yourself into this mess, then you have to be kind enough to yourself to allow at least as much time to get yourself completely out. Now I don't mean that is how long you should expect it to take, but I'm trying to tell you to be kind to yourself, & forgive yourself if you can't make everything perfect in your life overnight. Be patient.
One step at a time is all that it takes. Start by organising a plan either in your head or on paper. Think realisticly! If you can't afford anything more than a shelter to move to, or need to depend on the kindness of friends in order to get out, then prepare yourself for that.
You will feel better about yourself once you start to get out on your own, & aren't dependent on a man who doesn't meet your emotional needs.
2006-10-27 16:47:46 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really difficult - I've tried to think of something constructive to offer for 4 minutes and I'm drawing a blank.
To start with you need to get some options. Try to find three ways to support yourself without your bf of 13 years. With no money I believe you'll have to check out women's shelters, section 8 housing, public assistance, AFDC, and everything else. Then figure out if you'll be better off without him or not.
People get clinically depressed when they feel they have no options. You do. You just don't know what they are.
2006-10-27 17:29:47 · answer #7 · answered by cpaulw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel I feel the same way sometimes if my husband and I were to get divorced I ask myself the same question. If you have to you can get into housing which is based on your income,there is medical card for you and the kids, link card to provide you with food. It would be hard for me to get assistance from the state I would work two jobs if i had to so I wouldnt need assistance I am so use to earning not recieving. You can do it many women do it everyday and if its what you have to do for a while to get back on your feet go for it. Your depressed and its not good for your health and your kids dont need to see their mommy sad. So when you get out of this relationship hold your head up high you can do this.
2006-10-27 16:49:01 · answer #8 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're only a loser if you continue to allow this guy to treat you like a door mat. You are worth so much more, this is not a healthy situation for your children to be reared in ( they will think it's normal and expect the same from life ). He sees you as nothing more than a desperate woman who will take him back whatever, please try to be strong and say no more as no man is truly interested in a woman who gives off the air of desperation, men like the chase, it's human nature. Try to smile and be happy and The World will smile with you.
2006-10-27 19:04:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have done all that you can to be a good mother, than you are not a loser. In order to get past this unfortunate hump in your life you will need a lot of strength. The best idea is to set goals and give them dates to get them done by. It will be very difficult no matter what. The state can help you especially if you have children. Also, there are churches that may help you as well. God can definately help you. What ever you do don't give up hope. You children will need to see your strength in order to help them with this transition. I will keep you in my prayers...God bless!!!
2006-10-27 16:39:46 · answer #10 · answered by nimbus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you aren't the loser, he is for puting you through that. He doesn't respect you so you need to respect you and your kids enough to do what you need to do. If you stay you are showing your children that it is ok to cheat or to stay in a relationship where nobody is happy. Good luck and do the right thing. If your not in love any more you need to find a way to move on. Somebody out there will love you and your kids more than he does. trust me on that.
2006-10-27 16:39:40 · answer #11 · answered by lovefireman05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋