I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but how do you keep loving a person that treat you badly. several friends of mind are doing it and I asked them that qa uestionn and no answer was given to me. so all you very smart people out there please give me a servious answer to this question. I need to know. they are being misuse and metal abuse not phyical but it badly.
2006-10-27 16:29:59 · 12 answers · asked by babymadison61904 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
They think it is love but are probably afraid of being alone and unloved.
2006-10-27 16:32:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you shock a dog, it will try to get away. If you restrain the dog so it can't get away, it will get frustrated. Once it learns it can't get away, you can take the restraints off. You can shock it, and it won't even try to escape. This is called learned helplessness.
There's also the Stockholm Syndrome, where captives identify with their captor and do what they must to please him (her) as a survival tactic. Later, even when freed, they will show sympathy for the former captor. They will at least have mixed feelings. It's another learned behavior.
Finally, there's a definite attraction to the "bad boy." When two bucks fight, the does follow the victor. None will stick around to console the loser. Women may talk about wanting a sensitive guy, but there's an instinct that draws them to a winner. It may be a guy that fights, that tweaks authority, a successful businessman or a politician. Whatever their station in life, they want a winner. Bill and Monica. There's an obvious risk factor here. Whatever made that person a winner, it isn't likely to have been that person's concern for others. That includes any mates. The behavior one has to learn to be a winner is applied to a mate as well. And yet, women pursue jailhouse romances. Serial killers have their groupies.
2006-10-28 01:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Low self-esteem. The continued hope that he will change, but he never will. Continuing to attempt to make yourself worthy of his love. But he feels no love for himself, so he depends on your assurance that you love him, but he's feeling so worthless already and doesn't know how to love you any other way. The relationship is destructive and was destined to end before it even lifted off the ground. You probably feel that you can't do any better and fear being alone. You have a deep fear that he'll do better without you and you keep trying to "fix him", which is like a rollercoaster ride which gets worse every day.
The best thing you can do for you is to leave that relationship befoe it escalates in to physical abuse, because ultimately that's where it's going to go. He has no respect for you because he doesn't have any respect for himself. It's not love either of you are feeling but rather "obsession". If love hurts, then it's not love.
2006-10-28 01:04:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many reasons for people staying in horrible relationships where they are treated badly. Normally it is in women, because they think they can change the person and live happily ever after, they are so in love with the idea of being in love to the point they will stay in the most horrible relationship because of it. Being dependant and afraid of being alone or feeling unloved, wanting someone in general. For helping them, you can try and persuade them away, but usually that leads to pushing them away further and destroying the relationship. They feel you are jealous of their "love" and trying to wreck it. Try and show the person's true self and hope for the best, tell them what you see and how they are doing wrong. Beyond that, I don't know what to say, many will end up getting defensive and upset to the point of not even listening.
2006-10-27 23:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by Fallen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can only answer in the case of women. Most women in this situatuation have been beaten down(either physically, emtionally or both) that they have no self esteem or self confidence left. They have been made to feel worthless and useless and so are afraid to "make it on their own". I worked in a shelter for abused and battered women and their children and I was shocked at how many were returns, even though we had gotten them counseling and helpped them find training or jobs. It is a fierce cycle and the best we could do for some of them was too counsel their children and try to end the cycle of abuse.
2006-10-27 23:41:38 · answer #5 · answered by lori b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, low self-esteem is probably it. Some people fear that they deserve what they get cos they can not be loved. Most of the time they are WRONG. First of all, they should get rid of the source, their boyfriend/girlfriend. Are they really worth loving if they make you feel like that? Next they should seek professional help. This could be the cause of the increasing rates of broken marriages. Do we really need more of this in the world?
2006-10-27 23:39:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby,
You don't know me. Believe me, regardless. I love the man who I can see within the man who is lost to me. "Love endures" is engraved inside my wedding band. I had thought that I would engrave "love is kind" inside his band, but the opportunity did not present itself. I know that it would not have been a magic-like spell or effect him in any way. I wanted a lasting reminder to myself. I made use of that injunction. He was oblivious to the real meaning of marriage. He does not know what kindness is. He would not have understood.
I divorced him. I had to save myself. Extreme verbal abuse was escalating into physical abuse. Neglect was the other side of that coin. There was no choice.
I go to church, I meditate and I pray. I have decided that I don't need him and that he is toxic to me. I still love him but I have overcome any desire to be with him. That was a victory of monumental proportion.
The opposite of love is not hate: it really is fear.
I used to hope. Now I have faith. I always had and will continue to have love. I love for my sake and not his. I wish him well. I want better for me.
2006-10-27 23:33:36 · answer #7 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This world is full of the cheaters and the cheated. IF they are doing that then they want to be cheated. Almost everyone wants to be cheated in the material world or we would be in the world of reality. (no cheating there) We just have to be sincere ourselves and look to higher truths. go to www.stephen-knapp.com THE world relief network
2006-10-27 23:36:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I have also learned through the years that my happiness is not dependent upon someone else. You can choose to be happy or miserable.... You cannot change your friends they have to live their own lives and figure things out for themselves. Its sad but true.
2006-10-27 23:36:25 · answer #9 · answered by e_spehr_99 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
low self esteem and the need to be needed-abuse feeds into that.
been there done that grew up and moved on
2006-10-27 23:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by rwl_is_taken 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋