my cheating soon to be ex called today to speak with our daughter.......he was so short with me and nasty in his demeanor.......i dont understand this at all i did nothing wrong he did......yet he treats me badly........why is this?
2006-10-27 14:51:22 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He probably feels guilty and doesnt know how to be with you..just be civil for your daughters sake and tell him that also.
2006-10-27 14:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could give a better answer but SOME men are dogs. My soon to be ex is the same way. He left me for someone he met on the computer which happens to be married with 2 small kids of her own. Everyone says he feels guilty and doens't know how to handle talking to you but the truth is he blames you. I've found all this out in the last few days from my soon to be ex. They try to put everything we did or didn't do in the wrong to boost their egos and not make them the bad person. When in all actuallity they are. They are the ones who cheated, caused the divorce, and even asked for it. I do hope things get better for you and he will learn to at least be civil instead of short and nasty. If not for you at least for you daughter. You'll be in my prayers. Good Luck. And PS TIME HEALS NOTHING!!!! Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately?By David Wilkerson I recommend everyone going through a break up or divorce read this book. It's only been a little over a month since my husband left but this book gave me hope. Maybe it will for you too.
2006-10-27 15:37:26 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man in your ex's shoes I think I can answer this one pretty acurately. You see I destroyed my marriage by cheating. I am 100% responsible and that is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I did pretty much the same thing that your ex is doing and realized that it is due to a debilitating guilt that I treated her that way. I know that there is no way that I will ever get back with my ex and have moved on to a new relationship, that I devote myself to 150%, I just pray daily that my ex will one day be able to forgive me for what I know I did to her. Perhaps your ex needs some counseling to try to find some kind of peace. I know I did. Best of luck to you and your daughter, and remember, it's not your fault.
2006-10-27 15:02:31 · answer #3 · answered by rsqur 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably because he has a guilty conscience and knows he has messed up a good thing with his lying and cheating. Just ignore him and go on with your life. I am sure there is someone out there that will appreciate your good qualities and that you will be happy with. Just feel good about yourself, take care of your daughter, and make a life for the two of you. One day you will look back on all this and be thankful you got out when you did. Good luck to you and your daughter in the future. I hope this helps.
2006-10-27 14:54:56 · answer #4 · answered by Libragal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say without all of the details, but all things being equal I would say that if he treats you badly it's because of his guilty conscience. If he can get you to bite and retaliate he can justify his behavior. It makes it look like there was a reason for him to cheat on you. Or he's just an ***....
2006-10-27 14:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by Catlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry he is being nasty to you. My ex husband did the same thing to me. I think he just want to have an excuse to be mad. When its his fault. Don't let it get to you hun. when he calls check your caller id and just hand the phone to your daughter so you won't have to deal with the nastiness. After awhile he will want to talk to you. When he does you let him know if you want to talk he would have to be respectful otherwise you will hang up the phone. Trust me girl I been through it all.
2006-10-27 14:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be angry at the fact that he screwed up & the fact that you did'nt let him walk free. Hes probably missing your daughter (and you) but cant handle it. I went through the same thing 10 years ago. PLEASE don't let your anger & hurt affect his relationship with your daughter. my daughters 14 & her dad hasn't seen her in 2 years. you have every right to feel everything that you feel. I know that when my ex was nasty with me it was because I didn't take him back so that might be it.
2006-10-27 14:58:06 · answer #7 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to believe that you did something wrong so that he can believe he didn't. Does that even make sense? I hope so. My ex has does the same thing. When he comes to get our daughter or he calls to talk to her he acts like he is mad at me. finally I told him that if he can't talk to me like a human then he can't talk to our daughter. If he has a problem with me talk to me if he doesn't want to talk normal then don't call. I don't care. I hope it works out for you. As long as you know you did nothing wrong then don't worry about it live your life.
2006-10-27 14:56:50 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My best guess..he is on the defensive...he got caught and he is expecting to have to respond. He also needs to break away from you. Cheater or not, he was married to you and you mothered his child thats a strong bond and a difficult thing to leave behind. He made a mess.... some clean it up gracefully, some throw a fit. Sounds like he chose the later.
2006-10-27 17:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, mine did/does that too. It's like a control thing, or to make sure they make us feel like crap because inside they feel like idiots. And honestly, I think it's regret too - they regret screwing up but they know it's over, so why not be an @ss. Just remember the facts - he cheated, and you deserve better! If you act like you don't care, even be fake - overly nice and happy, it will eat him up! Once he sees he doesn't get to you, and you have moved on he will loose the attitude.
2006-10-27 15:44:07 · answer #10 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing. he is trying to find any reason he can to hate you and blame you so that he can feel better about what he did. I don't know if it is the right term, but I call it justification. Get used to it, it won't change any time soon.
2006-10-27 14:53:28 · answer #11 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋