I am in a loveless marriage. My husband likes me and he loves the lifestyle we've built. But he spends all his time and energy on hobbies and selfish interests. I am over 40 now...maybe this is all you get. If I leave it will be about starting over and that seems insurmountable...if I stay its just one boring day after another...yes we've talked about it. He says its been too hard on him and he is not investing emotionally...whatever the heck that means....for me its been months since anyone has asked how my day was or been engaged in conversation....I am mostly lonely. I long for partnership. Should I settle for security and a quiet comfortable place to live? Our kids are grown and out on their own. I am recently retired due to illness so I have a great deal of time on my hands... I am volunteering and involved with church... so do I just stand by do my duty and keep facing loveless, romanticless marriage (he skipped my last two birthdays and we rarely celebrate anniversaries
2006-10-27 14:03:35 · 12 answers · asked by Sweetserenity 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Been there, divorced that. Used to buy my own Christmas gifts and Mother's Day gifts, etc. After divorcing, I soon found exactly what I needed--over ten years now and still great. A little rocky to start financially, but worth every minute.
Friends and family thought I was crazy to leave a good salary, house, etc. We only have so long to live on the planet...why should it be so miserable?
2006-10-27 14:11:58 · answer #1 · answered by dekkfm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny how a lot of married people, who have been married for so long- and after kids seem to feel that way. I feel their just going through another stage of life, where life is only just comfortable and there is no oomph anymore. I'm wondering if you have any hobbies of your own, or maybe something you could start, or even join with your husband. A house is also not a happy one if you just mope around and not do something about it. Why don't you go travelling- book a couple of places yourself, if something happens that your hubby doesn't go take a friend with you, or even just tell him your taking a friend with you. If you go with him or without him, you either need time apart to come together again later or the time away would do you both good, try it for a start.
2006-10-27 21:51:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything wears out, sweetie. Sometimes to the point that it cannot be repaired. Many are in your situation, and each partner goes their separate ways --- each with own interests, and hobbies, and yet they stay a couple, in a sexless marriage. And you need to ask yourself, "Are you better off with him, or without him?" And are you willing to rattle his cage enough for him to change, all the while risking that you may loose him..... and at the same time, would loosing him be okay -- i.e., better than what you have?
Only you can decide this. And perhaps getting a few sessions of counseling may help to order your priorities. There are some great books out there to help people who have marriages that are tired --- remember most people never got to be married for very long before just 100 years ago -- one or the other partner died. Now we have very long marriages.
I'd suggest one book: "For you Both" by Lonnie Barbach. She is THE sex therapist in the nation today, and she addresses how we can revive our marriages. Get it cheap on Amazon.com in paperback, yours by Tuesday. In the meantime, if he will not go to counseling, go yourself for a few sessions. Sometimes a professional can see things you cannot... Good luck, hon
2006-10-27 21:31:38 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you only have one life. Make it worth while. Think of your happiness. You raised your children and invested your time in others for all these years, you deserve to have a life. Love is a huge part of life, you cannot live without love. Pray, though I am sure your religion is weighing on you as far as leaving your husband - though if you pray the answer may surprise you. Take a weekend away alone, and really think about things. Write down what is important to you in a partner and marriage, and then ask yourself if your current marriage/husband meets what you need. I will pray for you too.
2006-10-27 21:11:01 · answer #4 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get out of a marriage what you put into a marriage. You need to step back and think about what you have or have not contributed to the marriage. It takes two to make it work.
If you have talked with him and that has not sparked a fire then maybe you need to try to talk again. Try doing little things to let him know you are there and you want him to love you back. Ask him to help you wash an outside window, when he gets out there you be inside on the other side naked washing the inside. Use your imagination! Sometimes it takes just that (your imagination) to spark a relationship back into focus.
Maybe you have been too comfy with your quiet comfy house and you have not noticed that you have contributed to the distance.
Good luck!
2006-10-27 21:09:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmm... tough situation! Obviously a marriage should be more than that. If you are involved with your church I would recommend talking with someone there, or even the pastor... someone that is closer to your relationship. This seems much too complicated for an affective answer here. Pray about it and I will say a prayer for you also.
2006-10-27 21:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by out of order 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve to be happy. A comfortable lifestyle, will not mean anything if your heart isn't in it. Try to speak to him , go to counseling. Try to find out why he is taking you for granted. Marriage is a pertnership built on love, companionship, trust. Can you continue with this life? Only you can answer that.
2006-10-27 21:11:04 · answer #7 · answered by mari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are such things as a healthy marriage. dont settle for a loveless marriage..i suggest that if you want to try and work things out with your husband you two go to marriage counseling. maybe with a little work the love will show again.
2006-10-27 21:08:57 · answer #8 · answered by *~Alexis~* . 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is too wrapped up in himself, and thinking of what he wants to do. And isn't thinking of you or your feelings.
I know, I've been there, and it almost cost me my marriage. He needs to stop thinking of himself and start thinking of you and taking interest in you. But even if some of his interests you may not find interesting, try doing some of those things with him. It would be quality time together, and who knows, maybe to him if you take an interest in things that interest him, he might be willing to be more open to you.
Hope that this helps, take care and God Bless
2006-10-27 21:25:56 · answer #9 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you are going on you will end up having an affair with someone and you will end up getting divorced at the end of the day!!!
2006-10-27 21:07:45 · answer #10 · answered by HIMSELF 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋