Why am I so mean to my friends?

Question

I say things without thinking and now and then I hurt their feelings. I don't mean to but sometimes it's entertaining to see how they react. And to be honest - I only ever tell the absolute truth. Am I at fault for saying it or are they at fault for not wanting to hear it? Is honesty the nastiest of all sins?

Answer 1

well, i had the same situation while i was just building the relationship with my friends, but once we know each other and we accept each other as friends they accept everything from me and when i hurt them with any means they just mention and we discuss. This is how the friendship can last by saying the truth.

BTW, my friends are the same friends since 10 years.

Answer 2

If you realise that you are being mean, then why do you do it? You could end up losing alot of friends, and you could end up not being respected by anyone. Most people that get to know you will only talk to you because it is good manners to; but they will not like you and they will talk badly about you behind your back. My partner works with someone just like you. Nobody likes her, she thinks that they do. Everybody talks to her, but they talk behind her back and they simply just tolerate her because they have to work with her. Do you want to end up having a reputation like this? There is nothing wrong with a little honesty once in a while, but you have to consider people's feelings. Start to make a change. Please think before you make comments, ask yourself: 'Will this hurt them or make them sad?' It will be so much more satisfying for you to make your friends smile or even laugh than to hurt them, simply for a reaction! You can get reactions from people in a positive way, it is so much better. They say that honesty is the best policy, but this is only on general terms. Most times it is best to be more tactful. It is not what you say, it is how you say it that really does matter. You are on a slippery downward slope if you continue the way you are. Im sure you can be a really nice person if you make the effort. good luck! :o)

Answer 3

Your statement "I don't mean to but sometimes it'sentertaining to see how they react." Is a clear statement of truth about yourself. You enjoy hurting them-you have learned to push buttons on people. Your not honest-because you listen and wait to hurt, Something to consider-what do they really think and say about you when your not present. How many persons just become bored with your mouth. Typing this question-I feel a smirk with it-proud of yourself. Fault-yes your totally at fault for just out and out hurting people who would of like to be a friend to you and found out what the price is.

Answer 4

You are a frank and blunt person. There's nothing wrong with this at all. In fact, it takes a frank person to be a true friend sometimes. However, you should also be tactful. If not, you could very well end up losing all of your friends. You may indeed be telling the cold and hard truth, but you're still hurting your friends this way. So, just try to compromise your principles as humanely as possible.

Answer 5

Because you are an unhappy person, therefore you take it out on other people.

What you may think is the absolute truth may very well only be your way of seeing things. So, that does not make you right.

Keep it up and you will be a lonely person because people will not want to be around you.

Pray about it. You are the only one that can control what you think and what you say. You are the only one that can change your ways.

Answer 6

You should talk to your doctor, to get his or her opinion about having counselling. You are hurting yourself more than you are hurting others. When you insult people, they will assume that you do not like them, and they will not want to be around you. Your friendships will suffer to the point where you will eventually have no friends.

And then ... you will have yourself to live with. Your friends will be done, and they won't be around for you to insult. Therefore, they won't be hurting, but you will still be hurting -- because you have alienated good people. Please ... get some help. Don't let your pride stand in the way of reaching out for help.

As for being "honest", there are other ways to say things to make your points effectively. Being blunt and nasty is not the way to do it. Learn a bit of charm, and use it. Stop getting a thrill out of saying things for the sake of reaction. Surely by now, you have realized that the outcome is the same for all situations?

You can change, but you have to really want to change. A counsellor can help you to understand why you are acting like this, and he or she can help you make behavioural changes. Good luck. And don't get mad at yourself for being like that ... just get the help that you DESERVE.

Answer 7

When you know you've hurt their feelings, do you apologize sincerely? I'm guessing that you probably just don't think before you speak. I wouldn't say honesty is the nastiest, but the way that honesty is presented makes all the difference.

Answer 8

Sometimes true friendship means holding things back to spare the hurt. It takes some sacrifice at times. You admit that you know what their reaction would be. But you seem to be one that would inflict hurt on someone to bring pleasure to yourself. That doesn't seem like you're being much of a friend.

Answer 9

Honesty and truth are good, but you have a mean spirit and seem to enjoy hurting other people. If you're offended by what I just said, too bad......I was honest, right?

Answer 10

Honesty is not a value in itself: it is the servant of kindness.

You don't care about your friends' feelings, and having a cruel sense of humour, enjoy tormenting them with hurtful truths.

I suspect this is partly because your friends bore you: They are probably not very bright or glamourous and therefore you don't really value them.

What you really need to do is find friends that you do respect, instead of wasting your time with those you despise.