My wife's parents raised her under an environment where she was not respected. Her main complaint is that her parents "never listen" (to her). I believe her saying that she "hates her parents" is just an expression of how much she wants to fix her relation with them. I don't know how to get involved to help without being pushy and reminding her of so strong feelings.
2006-10-27 12:26:02 · 9 answers · asked by johnk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My wife's parents raised her under an environment where she was not respected. Her main complaint is that her parents "never listen" (to her). I believe her saying that she "hates her parents" is just an expression of how much she wants to fix her relation with them. I don't know how to get involved to help without being pushy and reminding her of so strong feelings.
Thank you for your answers. However, they are, in general, what I have done so far. Just more info on our situation. We'll have a baby in two months time. Every time we talk about how to raise our child, the conversation turns into "her problems with her parents". Believe me, we are pretty far for them to even bother (we live in Japan and they live in Ukraine), but I don't think evading the problem will help. I am here to support her, but wanted some hints on solving the problem. A way to estimulate my wife face her problem with her parents and solve it. Our child also has the right to meet and love his grandparents.
2006-10-27 13:06:27 · update #1
Dont interfere just listen when she is upset..she should be concentrating on you now.
2006-10-27 12:28:06 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that like it or not, her parents did the best they could as parents unless they were just evil.
When you think about a young couple with their first newborn you have to realize there is a terrific amount of uncertainty going on. No books. And they do the best they can to raise that newborn.
At some point in time, especially if she "knows" what her parents did that causes her to feel the way she does, she can't use it as an excuse anymore.
Change the relationship from child-adult to adult-adult. She'll have to be strong.
2006-10-27 12:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by delujuis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know - I am actually nearing the end of a 2-week trip visiting my in-laws. I am very ready to head home. Here's the deal with in-laws: I'm not overly fond of mine, and my wife isn't overly fond of my parents. Bottom line is this: Neither one of you should take their parent's side in things. If my wife has an issue or something with one of my parents - I know that I need to hear her out and be on her team, and vice versa. In-laws are tough (not for everyone though I guess - I know some that have great ones). The most important thing is your relationship with your wife - so make that top priority at all times when facing issues with in-laws. I've tried for years to help my wife like my parents better, and I've tried and tried to like my wife's parents better - but it's just not happening. I accept them for who they are - but recognize our differences and try to focus on the good aspects and avoid the annoyances. You are not alone bro. Like others have said - a VERY high percentage of married couples have in-law issues. They are just part of marriage.
2016-03-19 00:42:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Coming from a similar environment with my family and knowing how extremely difficult and painful it can be, I would honestly suggest that you be as supportive and loving to her as you possibly can.
When she wants to talk really listen to what she has to say about what went on in her childhood and if she wants to cry about some long-forgotten pain or slight that suddenly comes rearing it's ugly head let her do so in the safety of your arms without fear of any kind of retribution or that she will ever hear it in an argument.
In time during these conversations I would suggest that you tell her how much you would like to help her and pose the question to her "What is there that I can do for you to help you get closer to your family? Do you want to get closer to your family?"
You know sometimes these things go so deep and are so painful that a person needs time and space to let the agony settle and become merely pain and then to allow the pain to settle and become merely hurt feelings. At some stage when this is the case then she may be ready to air her emotions to her family.
Please bear in mind that it is something that she will do when she is ready and with your love and support I think she will do amazingly well.
2006-10-27 12:53:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try and push her into a relationship with her parents she needs to work this out on her own and on her own time. Just be there for her to listen and offer any support she may need.
2006-10-27 12:40:56 · answer #5 · answered by dsmiling62 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my family is the same way. very judgmental, Gods gift to everyone, snotty, self righteous - -
the best way to improve her relationship with her parents...move as far away as you can.
you both need peace of mind, love and happiness. bitter snotty people will only bring you down.
i want to fix my relationship with my parents more than anything. they dont listen to anything i say, and naturally know every move i make.
they are not going to change. they are set in their ways, and will keep upsetting your wife. they will verbally torment her at every turn she makes.
i love my mom dearly, but she is set in her world. i moved 3 states away. i feel so much better. i do miss her, miss her terribly. but i dont miss her rude comments, her ability to constantly put me down at everything i do.
your main focus is your wife/family. in-laws will always be in-laws. they love her, but they just cant seem to show it or give it.
keep love in your home by keeping the bitter and negative influences out.
that in return will give you and your wife a happier environment in your home.
no one needs to be ignored or lectured about their life. we all make mistakes. we will till the day we die. parents need to back off and accept their children the way they are, in a loving, mature, respectable way.
and if they cant or wont...get out of harms way. you have better things to do then sit and listen to them badger your wife, and/or yourself.
stay happy, positive and live your life, in your home, in peace and love.
move away if you have to. do what is best for you and your wife. if they hurt her verbally continuously, then you guys needs to get out of that situation. it is not healthy, nor is it right.
good luck.
2006-10-27 12:38:15 · answer #6 · answered by dragonsclaw27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wife that needs to decide if she wants to be close to her family you cannot force someone to feel something that they won't want to feel I hope in time she can get along with her family at least her's didn't abuse her I wish that was my case that I was not listen to !!
2006-10-27 12:33:44 · answer #7 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No while you can support her you cannot fix her problem.
She needs to decided how she wants to approach the situation.
Your wife will have to be the one to settle things with her parents.
She needs to fix it.
2006-10-27 12:30:03 · answer #8 · answered by Engel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her handle it her own way,you just be there if she needs you.
2006-10-27 12:29:00 · answer #9 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋