I've been with my b/f for about 4 years, we both still live at home but i'm planning to move out soon, and he's not. His mom is going through a divorce now and she's going through alot. His dad is a real jerk, he's verbally abusive to my b/f's mom. She has medical problems, but she works and runs a business, that she might not have after this. it's just she gets depressed alot. My boyfriend dosen't want to leave her alone, so he's not planning to move out for awhile. He feels bad to leave his mom all by herself. He works, takes care of the house, he cooks, cleans, fixed things around the house......so he's not really living off of her. He just wants to watch over her. But, I'm just afraid that we're never going to have our own life and that she'll just be living with us. I've talked to him about it before but he always tells me that he feels the need to take care of his mom just like she took care of him since he was a baby. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be selfish and mean
2006-10-27 12:24:47 · 15 answers · asked by Jozey G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
also, his mom has told him that she will understand if me and him move out one day, she's even offered to help if it came to that time. so, she's not keeping him there....he's just worried about her, and no one else is there.
2006-10-27 12:43:37 · update #1
point is i'm just afraid it's always going to be like this, that he's always going to be worried about her and the fact that she's going to be alone.
2006-10-27 12:48:53 · update #2
You aren't all sellfish it is understandable that you want to live alone with your boyfriend but his mother should also be considered as well. You must understand that his mother needs her son to help her through this tough time. You should help around too to make a good impression. Show her that you care and show him that you care enough to sacrifice something for him and his mother. BUt I'm not tellling you to stay there forever just help him have his mother settled done without any stress. Once shes comfortable your free to tell him how you feel and explan to him that you think it's time for you to move out becasue your mothers happy and confident. If she could take care of a business then she should be able to take care of herself. BUt make sure you tell her that if she needs anything, you'll be there in a split second. Make her feel secure and independent and you can be happy by living alone.
2006-10-27 12:31:23 · answer #1 · answered by dm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish! This is a real concern you're having. You and him have already discussed the situation and know what has been going on and of course can't predict the future. ( wouldn't it be nice to though? ) It sounds that once she gets the actual divorce that she will be able to move on although she will need to make decisions for her life. This does seem like it would be a horrible experience though. He wants to make sure that she knows that he loves her and will be there for her. He will need to make sure though that she knows you and him are making plans to be together which will take some time away from her but that there will be a time set aside for her too. Don't let her step over the line from the beginning.
2006-10-27 12:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by ddy'sgrl77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll be able to have your own life. Just because he's around his mom or because she's living around you doesn't mean that you can't have your own life. She's going through a really tough time being by herself and she really needs someone to support her. Her son owes it to her to help support her through her tough times.
But this doesn't mean that there isn't hope. Maybe you can find some kind of retirement home or nursing home where she will be in the company of other people and she will be in good hands. Your boyfriend could always come to visit his mom whenever he felt the need to do so.
But don't ever get the impression that just because his mom is around that you two can't have your own lives. You will one day, but in the meantime, it's best to let him tend to his mom because she really needs someone to care for her.
2006-10-27 12:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is not an easy question. But it is clear to me that you are not selfish, you are right in your needs. Absolutely. Your b/f has a problem to solve. His mother is being selfish. She is not the only woman with that kind of problems. I know many examples, but their family goes on their living. I understand what he is feeling for his mother, it´´s ok But guilty is not a good reason not to live his own life. She should let him go. And he should have some counceling, any kind, but he needs to solve this strong attachment to his mother. I dont know more details , and i m not a counselor, so I hope someone else can help you more effectively´.
2006-10-27 12:44:20 · answer #4 · answered by nikkita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just wants to help her out, or maybe he's just not ready to move out. What would you do if you were in a situation like that? He loves you, but just wants to protect his mom. Maybe even his mom won't let him move out. You need to talk to him though, and you should know it. Ask him whats going on. Tell him you're worried. Your not being selfish.
2006-10-27 12:33:56 · answer #5 · answered by hypergal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In other cultures, children often look after and live with their parents. I understand how it could be difficult to do, and I think your feelings are perfectly legitimate. Its all right to put yourself first sometimes. But think of this: if he's that devoted to his mom, image how devoted he will be to the girl that he loves. Still, if its driving you crazy, and you don't really love him, maybe you should move on. If you do love him, and its still driving you crazy, talk to him. Be kind and don't accuse, just explain to him that you want to spend more time with him. If you really love him, and he really loves you, you two will be able to come up with a compromise.
2006-10-27 12:30:30 · answer #6 · answered by vtpoetchic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being immature.A man who is willing to help take care of his own mother at a time like this shows he is more mature than you are.
It is a rare character asset to find in the male species these days.
You need to stand back and look at it from a different view.
2006-10-27 12:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well asking what to do is a step in the right direction,maybe yo need to have a talk with his mom to see if she really wants him to stay,if not the three of you need to then talk about it.But don't attempt to make him choose between the two of you,cause you'll lose hands down.
2006-10-27 12:35:34 · answer #8 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for us Hispanics we always take care of our parents whether we are all grown up or not there is always a son or daughter that will take the responsibility to take care of them, we do not consider our parents as having to take care of them but us Hispanics is really normal to see in our family our parents or parent living with us when we are grown up. so in a way i would recommend that if you truly love him that y not go live with him show him how much you truly appreciate him and that you are capable of helping him with his mom. why give him a choice to choose you or his mom and create more stress for him.. think about it... good luck hope that u make the right decision.
2006-10-27 12:31:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, u have a GREAT guy!! Wish I knew my son would say that!!!
Did u know that how a man treats his mother, is how he will treat the woman in his life!!!
If there is no hurry for him to move out, work with it and be proud of him! U have to give and take. He is a keeper!!!
2006-10-27 17:11:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋