My fiance wants to get married before we start living together. I want to live together first before getting married. Any good advice on the pros and cons of both sides?
2006-10-27 12:09:32 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are so many great answers here! Thanks.
2006-10-27 12:25:14 · update #1
Live together first because if it doesnt work out you wont have to go through a messy divorce..I think he is just thinking if we dont live together first then we can get lots more presents for our house when we are married.
2006-10-27 12:12:26 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I decided to live with a person....my intentions would be to not marry that person, plain and simple. There is a huge difference in the way you'll treat each other and no ground rules are really set, discussed and/or can cause lots of problems because living with someone you could easily walk away....no vows, u see? The two may not want to compromise on anything and nit pick most likely to use as an excuse for behaving badly or disrespectfully.
Youre living together out of 'convenience', nothing more essentially. It 'feels' temporary so nothing is really invested.
But then there are some people who get married and still do it for the same reasons, 'convenience' but dont take the vows seriously, but may try harder to work together to achieve certain short or long terms goals as opposed to people who are just living together.
Some find it better to live together and decide to marry based on the 'temporary' live together lifestyle and plain forget that marriage has certain honor and obey contract attached to it, cuz they just feel theyve put it on paper, nothing more...as if it has no meaning.
Petty differences and quirks or bad habits found after living together or getting married is not a reason to dissolve the relationship, but, living together is easier to just chuck it and not try to work things out together and offer unconditional love. Well, I dont know if I helped any. hehe Good luck.
2006-10-27 12:21:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definately need to live together first. My husband and I lived together for 2 years before we got married and trust me, the first few months are very very hard. We had some rocky times at first and I'm sure that with some people they can't get by the rocky times. The divorce rate is very high and to me, there's no reason not to live together first. I can also kinda see the other point where it would be nice to be married and move in together all at once, but I think it's better go make sure you can live with the person first. Good luck and congrats!
2006-10-27 12:18:46 · answer #3 · answered by Amy8302 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I lived together for a year before we were engaged and then another year until we were married. I would recommend it to everyone. We knew we loved each other, but you never really get to know someone until you live together. That is when you get to meet the real person you are planning to marry. Everyone of us has our own little idiosyncrasies. When you live with someone these eventually come out. You need to know whether you can live with those for the rest of your life. Living together helps you to arrange your future plans. Such as who will take care of the housework, yard work, paying the bills etc. These are all things that need to be arranged. After marriage is too late. People are always more romantic when they are dating and plus you aren't together 24/7 you might realize that it's just not going to work, but you don't know until you live together.
2006-10-27 12:36:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live with my fiance. I am glad we do too. You get to know each other's personality quirks in a way that you don't when you don't live together. You also save money on housing (assuming you both live outside of your parent's place).
I haven't really seen anything bad about it. We have lived together for about 3 months and are getting married in September. I am sure others will have a perspective on the cons...
Good Luck!
2006-10-27 12:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by bride2be091507 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people feel it is safer to test the waters of a relationship by living together and seeing out it works out before commiting to each other permanently.Others do not believe in the convention of marriage,feeling the legal obligations get in the way of personal freedom.Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel have been together for 24 years with out the "burden" of a marriage license.
Personally , I think if the two of you are right and you want to commit to each other,stop dangling your feet in the water and get married properly. Not only is it socially acceptable,it is personally satisfying,legally best if ill fortune should befall one of you,and marriage gives you a firm foundation to build the rest of your life on.On this foundation comes a cozy house ,beautiful,children and the love and support of your newly extended family.
2006-10-27 12:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by Samuel B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pros= YOU ARE SURE if you could put up with this person for the rest of your life. You will know how they feel about marriage and stuffs from the way they think it's going.
Cons= They might not want to because they don't want to jump in too soon. IF they say no, then you will probably have to win them back again and ask again. If they say no then, you'll have to repeat the process until a restraining order comes to mind
2006-10-27 12:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lived with my wife for a year and a half before we got married. I highly recommend it. You get to know them a lot better and you can make a better decision of whether you want to do this for the rest of your life or not. The only thing keeping you not living together is religion....and we don't need to go there!
You have to test drive the Ferrari before you decide to buy it, right?
2006-10-27 12:13:40 · answer #8 · answered by rswdew 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough one, you have conflicting values, and no-one here will help you work it out, it's for you and your fiance. He is ready to commit for life, you are not, it's that simple. Neither of you are in the wrong, you just want more answers before committing and he has to respect that. Bottom line it would be wrong for you to agree to marriage unless you were 100% committed, and either that will take more time, or your fiance will ahve to give ground on this, but if he has strong ethical values about this, you just might not be ultimately suited.
2006-10-27 12:47:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
living together b4 marraige is a sensible, smart thing to do cuz you'll know what they're like, pick up on their habbits and be able to know for sure that you can put up wiv them full time (it isn't supposed 2 sound that bad lol!!) but it's like being married before exept for you don't have a lil' peice of paper holding u bak if u decide it isn't for you....
if u dnt live 2gether b4 marraige then it's more romantic and a whole new exiting adventure....
i hope i've helped and u can read my txt talk (it may seem lazy but i'm too tired to rite in full sentences 2nite lol!!) good luck either way !!!
2006-10-27 12:14:59 · answer #10 · answered by pritzy-fairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋