What do you do when you still love him?

Question

I have myself in a mess. First I found some things that very heavily suggest my husband has had an affair. But he says no and so does she. What to believe? Decisions, Decisions? Then, to try to get evidence, I installed a keylogger on my computer. The evidence that gave me, is its highly likely they were just friends, based on a few emails he sent her after I found out about her. Pretty much saying that their friendship is causing problems in his marriage, and they should not really hang out like they were doing. He had no idea I would see that email, so he could have said "their affair", but he said friendship. OK, so great, right? Probably they were just friends. But that keylogger has raised some other issues. He frequents sex seeking websites, i've caught him in lie after lie because of that key logger, so suspected affair aside, the lying has destroyed my trust in him. But he dont know I know he's lying. more details to come and my point as well...

So anyway, I still love him, but how do you live with a man who lies to you and that you no longer trust, especially when he has no idea that i feel this way. I'm so confused.

for all you who will slam my weight apearance sex life, etc. i'm 5'2 110 lbs, hardly fat, he gets sex EVEYDAY, ORAL, ANAL, WHATEVER. We are very healthy in the bedroom. I'm considered very pretty from most people. I am not lazy, i work, take care of the house and the kids. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE COULD BE LACKING AT HOME. AND, NO, I DONT ***** OR NAG COMPLAIN EXCESSIVELY.

Answer 1

Give him some wild sex so he doesnt need to look elsewhere.

Answer 2

I don't think you will ever leave him because you still love him and he hasn't exactly cheated .. not yet anyhow. Honestly, I think it's disgusting for a man to be looking at websites like that. That just goes to show what kind of a man he is - I know it's a good thing that he decided to end the "friendship" with this other girl .. but ... obviously he KNEW it was heading somewhere. I mean, he let it get far enough that he REALIZED he was starting to have feelings for this other person or that Something infidelous might happen. I don't know .... I think that only time will tell. Right now, you just have to put up with it. You still love him right ... so.... I think when you get more evidence ... that will be enough to leave. I have a bad vibe about this. If this ever happened with my husband, I know there'd be some problems and our marriage would get worse only because that built up anger inside. I would always be curious about what he is doing when I'm not around. That alone can destroy a marriage. Good luck and keep that key logger thing .... the truth will set you free. Be strong though girl.....everything happens for a reason.

Answer 3

Very difficult to answer. If he is just curious about the sites that may not seem nice to you but he is not breaking his marriage vows. However if he is actively seeking sex that's something else and he is totally untrustworthy. You don't seem to say very much about your relationship with each other! Are there problems between you? Have you fallen into a rut with your relationship? If you feel you can trust him it might be time for an honest discussion about your relationship. If you find you can never trust him your marriage is dead and you are only lodging with each other after that. Hope that helps a bit?
Good luck sorting out your problem
xxx & hugs from me

Saw your revisions, what a lucky guy!!! If he is stupid enough to lose you he should be charged with the felony of being a complete idiot!!!! LOL

Answer 4

Ever heard of "be careful what you look for or you just might find worse"?

IF you had EVIDENCE, then okay, LOOK to protect yourself....
But IF is it more about feeling insecure, not all feelings are accurate, so don't act on the fear-based ones.

EVERYONE deserves some PERSONAL SPACE to think, dream, be whatever, whenever. Doesn't mean they ACT on the thoughts....

IF HE was watching your every move HOW would YOU feel?

I tell my husband all the time, "I did not stop being ME, when I married YOU.... give me some breathing room."

Take it from someone who is married to someone who accuses WITHOUT evidence, stop harassing him or you will push him away.

You can't control his thoughts, they are HIS.

If he comes home to you...
If he's there when he says he will be... or has good reason for not.
If he's nice to you.....

Count your blessings, not your insecurities.

If you keep tightening the leash it may snap.

And IF he is cheating on you, it's like any other LIE= It WILL become exposed without you having to track every move he makes.

Good luck..... try meditation and learn to LET GO and LET GOD.

Answer 5

I don't even need to know the rest. If you still love him and you want peace and happiness in your relationship, then you better UNINSTALL the keylogger, and STOP looking for things, because when you DIG for stuff, you will FIND stuff.

If you trust him, then TRUST HIM. If you don't, then TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Period. Because if you FIND something, and don't DO anything about it.........then what the heck did you snoop around for and what do you have to show for it if you aren't gonna do anything? Now you are sitting there like a sad child, pouting and all, miserable and unhappy because you know EVERYTHING, and AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE.

So......you wanna be happy? You love him? Then leave it alone. Let it go. Cause if you keep looking, and finding, you are gonna have to DO something about what you find, or else if he IS doing you wrong.....it will only get a MILLION times worse when he sees that not only can he DO it and you KNOW about it.......but he can do WHATEVER he wants cause you are just gonna take it, and cry or whine. Better think it over.

Answer 6

I found out through a similar program that my husband was still involved with someone he swore to me that it was over. I am now divorced. Try to talk everything out. Lack of trust once lost is very hard to regain. He has to try to get you to trust him again. Show him the evidence. If he continues this behavior he doesn't value your opinion. If this hurts you he should stop, period. My ex admitted he had a sex addiction problem. So, I never had a chance. I did give him everything sexually, except the threesome he fantasized about. I imagine now he has all of the threesomes he could ever want.

Answer 7

It is very difficult to be in a relationship where you love a person, but that person constantly lies to you. Believe me, it kills the love in the end and every time you trust again, you get hurt again. It closes you up to feeling and love. It is a terrible situation to be in. It kind of makes you feel dead inside. A person stays in this relationship, believing you "love" him. To this day I still wonder why I am still here. I have not the answer for you. Just get out if you have no children a.s.a.p. A person will go demented or switch off. Neither is a good place to be. Life is very short to live this way all the time. Friends, affairs..........not likely.....old story " just friends" You are his wife, not her, it is wrong to "share" things with someone else that we should share first with our partners. It is an unhealthy relationship. Seek help for yourself, and if he does not want to..............

Answer 8

wow, I'm in the same situation. I actually just had to come out and tell him I was going to leave because I was not happy anymore because i couldnt trust that he was telling me the truth, He came out and told me he had had 3 "affairs" in the course of our 4 yr relationship, i say "affair" bc we were engaged, and to complicate things we have 2 small children. but anyway, I feel the same way I still love him too, and i understand that i was not meeting all of his needs is why he strayed, and i also understand that he made his own choices. he told me of what happened i confronted one of the girls and she denied it. you have to make the decision as to whether you can ever trust him again or not, but first the both of you need to talk about it, how you honestly feel, be prepared it is going to be a long road, we were at it for a week, crying, fighting, arguing, making up, apologizing, no sleep, you dont want to eat it's completly exhausting but we are on the way to rebuilding and i gave him all of his trust back bc otherwise i wouldnt be able to move past this,make sense? anyway im going to trust him but if he messes up again...thats it, i've changed what it was about me that pushed him away and i feel that at that point i've given all i can give to him and its not good enough, then i need to go so he can be happy and i can truly be happy and stop allowing myself to get hurt.

Answer 9

Keep this up, and prepare for a lonely depressing and futile future. WHy is he looking? Ever wondered? The nagging and complaing...when was the last time you gave him O to completion, or Anal, or did it outdoors or somewhere risky like and Adult theatre, ever watched porn with him? Done during a DVD? what about asking him what his fantasies are.what bout you..your weight, toned up? be careful, thousands of women are just waiting to fill the space you leave..oh and Ignore the religious puritan bitter loners who will post, they will not spend the rest of their lives alone fat and depressed looking back at what might have been....

Answer 10

Your going to drive your own self crazy. A man that has a casual conversation makes you think he is having an affair huh.

Am not sure what type of woman you are but I have a question when you dig and dig until find something that is really going to destroy you and your marriage is it going to be worth it.. If your not planning on moving on after you think you find all the dirt you need,, then why start it

Answer 11

The best thing to do is not spy on him because if he finds out he will loose trust in you. I don't think you would like it if he spied on you?
I don't think it has to do with you, some men are just like that and you will never change them.
Just tell him you want him to spend less time on the net and more time with you or just walk in the room when he is on in something sexy to take his attention of that and on you.

communication is key in a marriage.