Ok, im not legaly married but ive been with my sons father for 4 years. he is the birth father, i have never strayed. Our home and all bills are joint (in both names). My son is 3 years old. I want to leave my BF or kick him out, my bigest fear is joint costody or losing costody. Does anyone know the law, because we are not legaly married can he file for joint? He is the blood father but were not married, does that matter?
And i am sad to say getting along is not an option. We have not had an intmate relationship in months, about 2 yrs now. He is controlling, and verbably abusive.
2006-10-27 11:28:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go to the "Law & Ethics" section here on yahoo answers and ask a lawyer.
But let me tell you my experience. I used to be married to a verbally & physically abusive man. He threatened me etc...I was scared,...
I PRAYED! The good Lord helped. Prayer is very powerful.
Find a Christian church in your neighborhood and start going w/ your child. You both will benefit big time after some time.
Trust me it happened to me. Life wasn't such a burden anymore. Plus being around believers is very encouraging. And you can talk to the Pastor on whatever may be heavy in your heart. They too will pray for you.
1Peter 5:7
7 cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
2006-10-27 11:45:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello there. It would definitley be more difficult if you were married because he would be able to file for sole custody. The joint custody is a possibility and most definitely visitation. You could fight for sole custody, and your argument would be stronger if you do not work or only work part-time, but have immediate family that is directly involved with the child and who could help with finances and babysitting if you need to work full-time. You will have to figure out a parenting plan that will be in the best interest of the child. Many times if one is fearful that the father will hurt the child to seek revenge on the other the court will consider gradual or supervised visitation with no overnight. You need to get in contact with your local law school and have a law student help you. They usually have what is known as a clinic where student offer free legal advise. Also check out womenslaw.org. You will be able to narrow down legal rights by your state and e-mail women lawyers that are a ton of help. Your local state bar also should have a free family law day. Also look into common law marriage if it applies to your state and whether or not you can receive alimony of some sort. For future reference most people today make a contract when living together; like a prenup agreement. By the way, on the child support papers put 'sole custody' let him pay for filing joint.
2006-10-27 19:00:57 · answer #2 · answered by KAM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be married on paper, but you still have a big problem. You have been with him for 4 years, and you have had children with him. You have represented him as the father of the children. The court may have DNA testing done to prove that he is the father. He can make this just a miserable for you as he wants. You need an attorney to help you keep your rights to your children. He will have to have prove you unfit to gain full custody, but he can demand that you have joint custody. No matter if he was controlling and verbably abusive to you. You will have to prove that in court as well, and no matter if you two were not in an intimate relationship 2 years. This is what you will have to go to court over. He has just as much right to his/your children as you do. A big determining factor in you keeping the children is that you be gainfully employed. If he proves that you cannot provide for the children, he can file a petition that he get the children because he is a better provider. The judge overseeing the suit will determine who will get the children.
2006-10-27 18:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say the child belongs to you, did you give the child the father's last name? If so you may have to file joint custody. Joint custody is better on everyone. Insist that the other put money amount each week away for the Child's future, school, dental bills, doctor bills, especially high school 4 years. Driver's Education is expensive and so is the lap top computer most Kinds will need for high school. Make your plans well and thought out. Be Open about your relationship. How can he be controlling, uf your not married. Is he drinking, or seeing someone else? behind your back. Confrontation is the best,
tell him how he would feel if you treated him like he is treating you? Ask him why he is behaving so badly?
do this for your safety and for your childs safety. Think about
you and your child, you are their protector. best wishes
2006-10-27 18:48:34 · answer #4 · answered by CLYN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little confusing here. Now both of you are the parents of a 3yr old boy but just not married. If this is right then and you break up with him then just like in a real divorce, chances are you will be awarded custodial parent rights but he will have a say so in raising him but will have to pay you child support, unless you have charges of child or drug/mental against you. He willprobably also get visitation rights with his son but thats all. He will always have the option of taking you back to court for custody if he feels he has concrete evidence proving you as an unfit mother. Good luck
2006-10-27 18:42:21 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesn't matter if you are not married, after all you are both biological parents.
I would start by seeking an attorney, if you cannot afford one just go in for a free consultation and they may give you some ideas.
Secondly, I would go to the county court for your town and ask the clerk for a list of forms you need to start filling out to start the parenting time scheduling and custody assignment. Some courts even have a website with forms on it that can be printed out.
Just don't waste any time and educate yourself about this issue because you can get screwed in a blink of an eye.
Oh, and log everything and try not to have discussions with your boyfriend verbally only in writing or email because that is submissable in court.
2006-10-27 18:36:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He IS the father, so he'll have visitation at least. It will depend on what the courts decide. He very well may end up having joint custody. Paternity is what matters, not marital status. As for your home, he is just as much owner as you, so you can't just kick him out. Speak to a lawyer.
2006-10-27 18:47:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married or not does not matter.
He is the father and custody will have to be resolved, visitation, child support, medical, dental, etc etc.
Just do not lie to get what you want, KARMA sucks and will come back.
Most states will award custody by figuring out what is " In the best interest of the kids".
And, if he has any dirt on you, say, drug use, excessive alchohol, etc etc, anything that can prove you to be "UNFIT", then he could easily get custody,
and vice versa
2006-10-27 18:41:16 · answer #8 · answered by scott in minnesota 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the biological father and has, since their birth, acted as the biological father so therefore, unless he legally terminates his parental rights, he can seek custody and/or visitation rights and pay child support.
2006-10-27 18:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a lawyer right away. Find out the legal issues for your state when a cohabiting couple calls it quits.
2006-10-27 18:30:57 · answer #10 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋