My friend always lies to me..what should I do?

Question

I have a very close friend. Although we have known eachother for about 1 year we have only been close for about 5 months. He told me so many things about his life which I have found out to be lies. He moved around constantly as a child and I guess he figures that I will never find out the truth. I do find out from his brother. He lies about big things and the smallest things that he should have no reson to lie about. I think that whenever I say something he tries to come up with something more extreme, sort of like he is competing with me. He does not know that I know that he lies. lol And he believes that I believe him but I don't. It is kinda annoying to have to sort out his lies and i am confused about why he does it. I wanna confront him but I dont wanna lose a great friend. I know that if I confront him he will get mad and we might not talk to eachother. PLease tell me how I can go about telling him.

I do let him know subtly that I know he's lying and I can tell that he gets the point. I also just frankly tell him that he is lying and he often denies it. I once told him that he could stop lying his way through life and we stopped talking for a few days. As you can see I really don't wanna lose this friendship. BTW The advice was very helpful and I will definately take action. Thank A lot...

Answer 1

Sounds like your friend has a low self-esteem problem.

It's never easy confronting a friend with their shortcomings, but this one is too important to let go. You are absolutely right in wanting to confront him. If you are a true friend you will find a way because by not confronting him you are being a bit dishonest yourself. Real friends trip each other up every once in awhile only because it's necessary. Friends or not, when something is wrong, it's just wrong. I only hope your friend is not already so used to telling lies that he doesn't even realize he's lying. If that's the case, telling him will probably have little effect on his behavior.

The next time you find out that he's lied to you, confront him. You can start out by assuring him of your friendship and let him know that if the situation were reversed you would expect him to confront you. Confrontation is such a negative word, but the act itself doesn't have to be negative. Tell him that you value his friendship and how much you like him as a person. Continue with something like, " You can always tell me the truth. You don't have to make things up to impress me, I'm already your friend." No matter how you say it, your friend will probably be a bit upset with you at first. If he's really a good friend to have, he will come around after he gets over being exposed. Better to be exposed by a friend than by an enemy!!! Remember, true friends can speak freely to each other.

After you have this talk with him and, at some future date, you know or feel that he's being less than truthful with you, trip him up!!! If he really means that much to you, keep on tripping him up every time he does it. He should eventually realize that you are his friend and he doesn't need to lie in order to keep you as a friend. As I said, the problem is with his self-esteem. Keep being his friend...he needs someone like you.

A word of caution though, be sure you have this conversation in private. One sure way of alienating him would be to embarrass him in front of others.

You don't say how old you are but you're desire for honesty in a friendship is very mature. Don't be afraid to let your friend know that the lies are confusing to you and you're beginning to have a hard time knowing if he's speaking the truth or not. Be careful of yourself too...one day this friend could tell a lie that affects you in a very serious way. Let him know that too.

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Well obviously if he was a true friend he wouldn't lie to you about stupid things. If i was you i would...confront him and ask him why he lies. If there is a good enough reason forgive him but tell him the only way your relationship would work is if you were completely honest. To confront him tell him this: Why does seem like your always competing with me? After he answers say I'm not mad just a little confused on why your telling me lies. I want our friendship to work because it is very valuable to me. I just want to know the 100% truth and know that you can confide in me!

I hope that helps!

Answer 3

I believe that it is a waste of your time to try to sort out his lies. If he can't even tell the truth about small things, what's the point in even conversating. He might be a great friend, but I can't see how if he lies. I'm not sure how you should go about confronting him except face to face and catch him in a lie. Eventually people who lie are exposed by trying to cover one they already told. Pay close attention and you'll be able to catch him. Then say, "I thought you said that......"

Answer 4

A great friend doesn't need to lie. You can confront him about his behavior and ask why he needs to lie to you, but be prepared for more bulls**t. Or you can just listen to him babble on and pretend like you believe him. Either way, I don't think he is that good of a friend. Perhaps you should move on . . .

Don't you wonder what he says about you to other people??? I'm sure you aren't the only person he lies to!!!

Answer 5

I know a couple people who moved around a lot growing up because their parents were in the military. I think they probably had trouble fitting in with each new school they went to and lying to impress people to try to make friends was probably something common for them. It has just stuck with him & now he's still doing it. He's just wanting acceptance & he doesn't know any other way. Just have a talk with him if you really want to keep him as a friend & tell him that you know he's lying & that there's no need for him to lie to you.

Answer 6

If he's such a great friend he wouldn't be lying to you in the first place unless he's worrying that by telling you the truth somehow will make you like him less.

You need to first find out the reasons for his (white) lies. If it's because of the reasons above...you can start telling him that you know and it doesn't change your friendship one bit.

Answer 7

some people are compolsive liers, others lie just to try and impress everyone because they know they are nothiong speical or anything that stands out.

here is one of those people.
www.myspace.com/mattfleming1980
0
that guy is a friend of mine. his webpage says he owns a ferrari, is althetic built, works with animals. has been on tv, has dated hot chicks, has hung out with christina agulair, was the body gaurd for britney spears. rides streetbikes.
i know the guy perosnaly, he is 25, 310 pounds, has no car
lives with his dad, has no job, never has had a job over a month.
doesnt ride dirtbikes, doesnt ride atv's doesnt surf. we change his myspace page somtimes. but he always changes it back. he just has to lie. he lies to everyone in person as well.
im not going to give u advice. but I will say this. he is no longer my friend. and I am alot happier.

Answer 8

The best thing to do is find a new friend..I cannot stand people who lie constantly but if you cant bear not having this liar in your life then talk to him if he gets mad its because he is embarrassed..he obviously has issues and that's why he lies..don't keep quiet because you will just get mad.

Answer 9

The guy has self esteem issues.He is making up stories to impress you, He clearly dos'nt think he's good enough. The next time you catch him in a fib, tease him out of it by laughing, [predend you think it's a joke], Say oh come on you don't think I'm dumb enough to believe that ,DO you? This will give him a chance to come clean without being embarassed. Hope this saves your friendship.

Answer 10

Always try to find something that shows he's actually lying. So then he knows youre not a guilibe air head. And if you cant find something, just be like youre lying , dont pretend.