we are not good together from at least 3 years, big lack of comunication! I have one "friend" who really loves me and I like him also! what should I do?
2006-10-27 10:44:20 · 12 answers · asked by viola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
seek counseling... dont end your marriage to go be with someone else who "treats you better", eventually you'll have problems with that person too... then will you leave him and go to the next?
2006-10-27 10:49:00 · answer #1 · answered by GoWhitey33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetie, I know it is tempting, but you cannot go outside your marriage to solve the problems inside your marriage. I know you care about what happens to your relationship or you would not be asking for advice. You see, what you are missing is the first flush of love that you get in a new relationship. He is probably missing it to. You guys need to reconnect. I am not telling you to stop seeing the other guy, although that would be the best thing because it displays your sense of honor and responsibility, but you and your hubby need to start dating each other again. Go out to the movies, dinner, plan a little trip. A nice drive along a scenic route and just talk. Talk about your TRUE feelings and be honest with one another. When you are dealing with everyday life, bills, house work, bills, kids, bills, LOL, It can be hard to remember the love. Real life can make it hard to remember how you felt about each other when you first meet. Your hubby needs to be there for you and fulfill your emotional needs (which are different than his). Does he even know what your emotional needs are? I bet he really doesn't. Do you know what his emotional needs are? People change everyday. What used to mean a lot to him a year ago, may not mean that much to him now. The same for you. You are a woman. We women are constantly changing. Growing. Evolving. He needs to get to know the new you. The woman you became after becoming his wife. A couple of sessions of family counseling is always a good thing. You would be surprised what family counseling can do. Do not get attached to the new guy. Studies show that when a person leaves their mate for someone else, the new relationship only has about a 10% chance of making it. Do you want to leave your marriage for a 10% chance of happiness? Give your marriage another try. You deserve it. I wish you the best and God Bless. :)
2006-10-27 11:19:05 · answer #2 · answered by ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, we are in the SAME situation. Well, actually I was married for one year and just recently I filed for divorce. Same problem - lack of communication / bad communication and argued all the time over silly things. Nothing in common. He was / is a great husband in general. Any woman would be lucky but ... he and I just argued too much and couldn't communicate in a civilized manner if our life depended on it. Plus, we had nothing in common. I have a best friend whom I was friends with for the past 3 years and throughout my marriage, I got closer to this guy and ... well ... I finally took action on it and left my marriage before it got worse. I am now happily in a relationship with that guy. We have EXCELLENT communication and I am happier than ever. If you're communication doesn't get better and it seems to me you're not happy, I think you should give it a try with this other guy. You only live one life. I think you'd be happiest with this other guy ... I get that vibe. :D
2006-10-27 11:26:20 · answer #3 · answered by Vanessa G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that you are not comparing two situations, because that is really not fair. Have you and your husband sat down (no emotions) and discussed your issues? When me and my husband argue, I wait until the heat has gone and then I let him know what is on my mind and that usually works. He then makes his case or decision and we basically have a truce. I'm not saying that you don't have a problem here, just make sure you give a good try to your marriage first and then if it doesn't work out, move on.
2006-10-27 10:49:13 · answer #4 · answered by lyrical 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, no matter which guy you are with and I am sorry to say this you will fight. I got with this guy and I thought he was so sweet and we would never fight and i was VERY wrong we allways fight now and I have talked to councelers about that and they say that that is a good thing it really is actually communication! that is all i can say my husband and I fight all the time still and we have been married two years but wait get this my mother and father in law have been married 52 years and they faught every muinute of their lives.
2006-10-27 10:58:40 · answer #5 · answered by capri_corn2005 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to sit down together and have one big conversation about whether or not you want to continue with this marriage. Until you do that, and come up with the conclusion, don't even think about the other guy.
2006-10-27 10:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by angelica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you looking around for someone else? You are still married-even if you are having trouble with the marriage. You owe it to your husband to keep working through the bad things. Once you both decided to call it quits and file for divorce you can find someone else.
2006-10-27 10:48:19 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is so important.
I know that you can feel burned out from trying however you really have to ask yourself have you tried.
You have a friend already waiting and willing, was your marriage
over before this?
Are you really giving your marriage a chance or did you already make your decision.
sounds like you already know what you want and where your heart truly is.
2006-10-27 10:52:01 · answer #8 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give the marriage another shot,see if you can fix the communication channel. If not discuss with your husband the options available.
2006-10-27 10:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by DownAndOut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. Marry your friend.
2006-10-27 10:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by FrozenCloud 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋