Newly divorced mom needs advice from divorced couples men and women here my background?

Question

Been divorced 1 yr married for 8 yrs with 6 yr old son.Bitter divorce found out ex was cheating with old gf and left me for her.Things are better now i'm still resentful but try to be nice for my son and ex does the same. here's my question what do you and your ex do as far as parent/teacher conferences go? Go together or at different times? What about birthday parties or halloween do you and your ex do joint parties or does he do his own thing?My ex lives in the same town as us and i would say we have an "average divorce" meaning we don't want to kill each other but i'm still resentful for what he did to me and he wants as little contact with me as possible.I think we should do some of these things together but i know my ex will not.He is a great dad and i know he will do all this things on his own.So please just let me know how you all handle this issues. Oh yes he is no longer with the gf he left me for but a new one who i do not get along with so this is half the problem.

Answer 1

Time to move on kiddo. Let the anger go and just concentrate on your childs best interests. You will both be better off for it. Every day, it will get better and easier, always does. Personally, I rarely did much with my ex although it never would have bothered me to do so. She had issues with being anywhere near me. I always did my best to keep the kids first on my list for normalcy in their daily lives. It paid off in that they are pretty well adjusted now and seem to be generally happy. Just go with the tone of the moment, do what feels right to you.

Answer 2

I have a fairly good relationship with my ex. We always attend parent teacher conferences together. It is just easier for the teachers for one and it shows your child you have a united front when it comes to his well being. We do separate birthday parties- family mostly. If the boys are having a special party (bowling, swimming etc) we generally split the cost and both attend. You have to put your child first. If your ex is going to be kicking and screaming the whole way then there isnt much you can do about it and you are probably better off doing your own thing. But I would try, for your son's sake to be able to have a decent working relationship with his father. He will also be less likely to try and manipulate one against the other if he sees you working together. Good Luck

Answer 3

Oh my God!!!! there is a God! i'm going through the same thing right now. Except- i didn't get married with my son's dad. My son will be 4 in Jan and i get along great with his family. Funny thing is that every year for my son's Bday everyone comes to my house and joins for the party. At frist- it was awckward but- i got used to it. I don't get along with my baby's dad but- we say hi and that's it. When it comes to school stuff- we take turns so the whole load is not all on me. I know you're bitter about the situation but you need to get over it for your son's sake!! the only thing that will suck is when you find a new guy. Even he will have to adjust to this. that's the problem i have right now. My guy of 3 years is having a hard time adjusting even though i tell him that there's no way i would get back with my baby's dad. He cheated on me too and has a baby with that other girl so that creates a huge boundary. I think you should jsut get over it and act like an adult. I'm sure he's not gonna last with the girl he's with now and when they break up he will want you back. Don't be bitter all your life it will cause more stress on you and your kid. Don't have too much personal contact with him though. Just have him pick up your son for the weekends- PTA meetings,T-ball games Etc. don't keep your son from him but also don't let him feel that he can put you down or scream at you when he wants you. This is your chance to grow a spine! he's the jerk that cheated so you need to just need to get over it. The more you prove anger to him the more he's gonna think you still love him. Because that's what it is- you're still angry because you loved him and he betrayed you when you least expected it. Don't let him know you are still hurt. Be strong for you and your child and things will be better. Try to surround yourself with friends and family for emotional support. Don't worry about getting along with the new GF worry about getting along with your ex kuz no matter what you have to see him until your kid is 18


Good luck if you need a friend or shoulder you can count on me. email me when you want to :) [e-mail] or [e-mail]

Answer 4

It's all separate. Even/Odd year holidays and such. The kids may end up with double everything, but that's what happens in a divorce with children. Your ex knows youre still bitter and resentful so he'll be not wanting much communication with you unless you become subdued, forgiving and controlled by him. Then he'll be pleasantly manipulative. If your ex was happy with his new life/mates, he's also be a 'happy camper' but he's miserable cuz after infidelity in a marriage the other gals he relates with will get a stranglehold on his whereabouts at all times. He'll be miserable for awhile. Hang in there...find someone to love and be happy and enjoy the kids while they're little.
They grow so fast!! Good luck.

Answer 5

Well with my ex and I we have joint custody and we have her half time each we live in the same city as well. So we dont do anything together. I have her own seperate birthday party he has his. We alternate every other holiday. We really coordinate well with each other. We are civil to each other and we understand that sometimes things to work out the way that you plan them to.

I think that its important for your childs outlook on life to get along with their dad or mom. Just never ever put him in the middle of things dont ask him what he would rather do and try to still be parents to your child be as civil as possible. My ex and I do not do anything together with our child.

If he has part custody then I think its up to him whether he wants to do his own thing or not. I think it makes things easier to just handle your own situations as far as birthdays and holidays and things go.

You could do like every other parent-teacher conference or something

Answer 6

I'm not divorced - but when my parents divorced they did everything separately. If he won't do stuff with you - just accept it and go by yourself. It will be less stress on your end and if you know he will do it by himself then don't worry. Yes it would be nice if you could do things together from time to time, and maybe from time to time you could communicate and work it out. Just make a point to get along even if you resent him and it will all work out. Or you could always have the kids ask him and you just happen to be there at the same time (my brother and I did that a lot). Just an idea!

Answer 7

I have been divorced for 3 years after a 12 year marriage. We have a son 14 & a daughter 11. I left him because he hit me once! So he is very resentfull towards me. I noe have been remarried for 1 1/2 years. We do go together sometimes to parent teacher conferences, sometimes, I go alone. As for everything else, we do it seperate. He has never even been to my house!! I do all the transporting back and forth. I feel for you. Our divorce was a bad one, including 2 years in court for child custody!! We do attent sporting events of the kids together, we just don't sit together. Him & my new husband have never even spoken one word to each other, as I hate his gf anyway!! Good luck, hope this helps!!

Answer 8

Try and do things on your own. I know how you feel. I had a ex-husband that cheated with my neighbor and thru out my whole relationship. But remember he is with his ex. He will do her the same thing he did to you. I have been divorced for two years and my ex-husband is now engaged and he calls and wants to have sex with me. Of course i tell him no. What im trying to get at is they never change. He is now cheating on his fiance. And I consider cheating when he is asking me to have sex. And also our divorce was a very bitter one. He didnt think I had enough reason to divorce him. So i know you are probably caught up in the divorce life but it does get better. I have meet the guy that I always dreamed about and you will to. Good Luck! Just do things with your son and dont worry about what his daddy is going to do with him. Your son will resent him for what he did to his mother. Its you and your son now. Enjoy your little boy. I have a sixteen year old daughter and she decided 2 months ago that she wanted to live with her dad. So just enjoy him. Again GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

As the mother of 4 adult children who went through divorce when they were 6-14, do everything you can to get over your resentment. Not for your ex's sake but for your child and yourself. It will free you and him to have a great life.

I am remarried for 20 happy years. My kids have a dad, me and a step-dad they love. My ex- and I now feel like brother and sister and he is still the same really mean, jerky guy he always was.

My kids are 33-40 now and always tell me how happy they are that we can have holidays together and that we all get along.

It may take you time but it is so worth it!

Answer 10

Having seperate parent teacher interview is a good thing. You should take turns and decide ahead of time who has to go each time. As far as parties, have your own, alot less stress for the child and you don't have to put up with any stuff....
This is a lucky child who has 2 parents that love him but not each other... Show it, do not make him feel the pressure of your divorce...Be polite , but be seperate... do not get into matches withhis new gf... not her business and a waste of breath....
Turn all the resentment into love and happiness and share it with your son...
It doesn't matter who he is with, cause honey you got the best part of the deal... your son with you...