I have caught my 14 year old son looking at naked women on the net. He was also looking at a few movies on line. They weren't hardcore or anything. He understandably lied to me each time. I have since locked him out of the net. I just don't know how else to handle it. Any ideas ?
2006-10-27 10:05:05 · 31 answers · asked by NIKK F 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Whether it's on the computer or in a magazine he's gonna find somthing to masterbate to. Leave him alone. He's gona do it. You did it and your dad did it and every guy in the world has done it at some point if not multiple times a week like most of us.
If you are concerned tell him that he needs to be respectful of the others in the house and make sure he deletes everything off the computer. Don't tell his mother cause she will jst yell at him and take the computer access from him. Don't move the comp0uter to an open area if anything move it to a private room. Limit his time on it to homework first and after that he can use it. Then if he is on it leave him alone for his designated time. Just make sure he knows not to let porn and masterbation take over his life. Hey it's no worse than video games and chat pages. Leave him alone and remember what it was like to be 14.
And it's ook to tell him you did it too, that way he'll know what you tell him isn't out of judgement but out of experience.
Also he'll probably be starting to engage in sexualy experimenting with girlfriends soon so... Just make sure he knows how to buy condoms as well as search porn. Remember if he's doing it at home he's not doing with the neighbours daughter. Well hopefully.
Don't be those parents who make him feel wrong for a natural thing you will on'y hurt him and make him feel like somthing is wrong with him. Just tell him to wait till mom is out of the house.
2006-10-27 12:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by Judoka 5 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I recommend DJ MacHale's the Pendragon Adventures. He is working on book 9 in a series of ten books. It follows the adventures of a 14 year old boy trying to save the territories of Halla from an evil shapeshifter. The author writes and has produced for television for several well known series such as Flight 29 Down and Nickelodeon's series called Are you Afraid of the Dark. He writes very visually, and the books are easy to follow along with being very entertaining.
2016-05-22 01:32:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 14-yr.-old and I can tell you for sure: THIS IS NORMAL! This is a mean for discovering the opposite sex through naked women web page - which, by the way, it's not really real women, Photoshop and stuff are there for these cases! - and 11 out of 5 teenagers have or had any kind of curiosity about the subject. You really NEED to have a frank chat with him. Sexuality has always been a very tough taboo, I know it. Also, he can "escape" for some cyber-cafe or LAN house and see his porn!
2006-10-27 17:12:11 · answer #3 · answered by Luis Andrade 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you decide to let him on the net, do not let him look when he is alone. Put the computer in an open area where anyone can walk by and see what is going on. Having the computer in a public area will help deter this type of behavior.
Also, Talk to him about sex. Tell him that you will answer any question he has truthfully. Even the ones that may make you a little uncomfortable. Talking helps.
2006-10-27 10:10:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
It's perfectly normal for him to be curious about the female body. He wouldn't be normal if he weren't. One thing that some parents do is take their kids to a nudist camp for a weekend getaway. Nudist camps are not what many people think. They are safe, well supervised, there is no sexual activity allowed, they are family oriented and provide recreation such as swimming, volleyball, tennis etc. He can satisfy his curiosity while learning self control and respect toward his body and that of others. I definitely wouldn't lock him out of the net but I would tell him not to lie but to be honest about his feelings. If you want further info about nudism including a resort near you go to www.nudistparksusa.net
2006-10-28 15:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by Jim R 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok, my best friends son has been caught doing the same thing here on my computer. Its natural for boys to be curious. I don't think its really that out of the ordinary. when we were kids it was playboy and playgirl. Now everything is on the net. I spoke to my sister who is a licenced clinical therapist. She has told me the same thing. Just explain to him that you understand he is curious, but that is not the right way to learn about girls and sex. Don't say its gross or wrong because kids hear that and they automatically think something is wrong with them. Just explain that its not an appropriate way to learn things. Give him some time to ask you questions, there are also some good book about the birds and the bees, check out Borders books. I would restrict his use of the net though, but give him a timeframe of no use then move it to supervised and so on, keep an eye out on the history to check on him. Don't worry he is just being a boy.
2006-10-27 13:21:11 · answer #6 · answered by suziQ 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A lot of people are saying its normal, let him have the net back, etc. - and then the one idiot who said you might make him gay by your represive behavior????? Geez... what a bozo he is.
It is normal for a young teen guy to be curious and want to look. That doesn't mean it's a good thing for him to do it however. Porn has a highly adictive quality to it, and it creates unreal ideas and expectations in people. This is particularly true of young people.
If you let him back on the net, you need to have some internet filters in place, monitor his surfing, and put the 'puter in an open, visible area in the home. You should have all his passwords for email and IM programs, and let him know that you will be checking those things as well. That is the job of the parent. He wont like it, but you have to protect him from dangerous and harmful things, even those he WANTS to be involved in. And don't accept any of that garbage about his "right to privacy". As long as you are responsible for him, he has no right to privacy.
Equally concerning though, should be his lieing about it to you. You have dismissed that, saying it is understandable. If he does drugs, drinks, smokes or commits a crime, and then lies about it, will you dismiss that too? You should help him understand that he has to own up to his mistakes. Lieing about it doesn't help anyone, and destroys the trust the he will want you to have in him.
Good luck.
2006-10-27 14:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by Jonas_J 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
I think most boys are interested in naked women at his age. You need to discuss sex with him as soon as possible. If he continues to watch porn, he may end up thinking that that is how he should treat a woman. Explain to him that the things he saw in the videos are not the real way that things go. Teach him chivalry, and explain that a woman's pleasure should always come first. This way he can learn to have a respect for not only the girls, but himself as well. He's going to have sex at some point, so you should teach him how to act in that situation. Pornography is for adults who understand that it's fictional, and for sexual gratification only. It's ok for him to be interested in a woman's body though. Explain to him that a woman's body is beautiful, and should be treated accordingly. With respect, and gentleness. Porn will only teach him to seek sex just for pleasure. He needs to know that sex will be even better if he is in a loving, respectful relationship, and when he's ready. I hope this helps! I have a 6-year-old son, so I know it's only a matter of time until I'm in your shoes. Good luck!
2006-10-27 10:44:22 · answer #8 · answered by Caelan's mom 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋
boys of this age are naturally curious he probably lied because he was embarrased that was caught not because he was trying to mislead you.
try talking to your son or get your husband/partner if you have one or maybe a male relative that your son is close to, too talk to him. he may have questions that he wants to ask but feels that he can not talk to you about.
banning him fron the net may make him think that what he did was wrong when in fact it is'nt all boys and men do it at some point in their lives.
2006-10-27 22:33:00 · answer #9 · answered by rosierotweiller 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to your kids about sex.
There is a list of books to help in the parents section of our Web site (http://www.pamf.org/teen/parents/sex/sex.html) and another great Web site is: http://www.talkingwithkids.org/e-updates/index.htm
The most important thing to remember is that you cannot fail - just identify that you are uncomfortable but want to help your kids find the information they need. If your son was looking at pornography, ask why he was looking at it - is he curious? Was he looking for information?
Tell him why you feel pornography is inappropriate for kids his age, tell him to visit this site or other appropriate sites to get information, and then maybe give him a book about sex that is right for his age - and tell him you will keep bringing things up so he can ask questions. You can also encourage him to ask other adult family members about sex if he has questions he does not want to ask you.
Most importantly - there is nothing wrong with wanting to know about sex - you would just rather he get the information from you.
2006-10-27 15:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by Jesse T. 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋