She lives with us and my husband hates it. She 80 yrs. old and lives with us. I'm not sending her to a nursing home!
2006-10-27 09:50:27 · 12 answers · asked by Ha Ha Charade You Are................... 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know just what you are going through. I was in the same situation as your husband. I just had to put up with it until she passed away.
Why did I put up with it? Because I loved my wife and knew that someday it would end, and it did eight years later, when the 88 year old grandmother-in-law passed away.
It really is an intrusion on your life to house and support an older relative, but, there are some things you just have to grit your teeth and accept.
2006-10-27 09:59:07 · answer #1 · answered by festus_porkchop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, dear, you don't need to send her to a nursing home. You can enroll for services for her. Read up on what her rights are. Try to make her tranactions independent of you.
In other words,if there is an agency, like ARC,Unity House, a local nursing home, transportation for the elderly (ABLE, or SCAT VAN) that will provide someone to take her to the doctor or just to get out of the house herself, you can let her go with them. Your husband needs to believe that you are not taking on with her 24/7.
Make arrangements with siblings to have her over night sometimes on weekends. Or arrange with an agency for Respite care, where someone will come and stay with her and you can scoot out with your man.
There is new legislation that supports the elderly's right to remain in the home with Medicaid assisted support even if Mom doesn't have a medical condition. Talk to social services. Ask about Home Health Care. Ask if Mom qualifies for anything else. Put a life insurance policy in place now. You don't want to have to deal with the cost of a funeral and financial stress when Mom passes on. You want to have that time to grieve. Talk with Mom. She'll feel better knowing she's not leaving you in debt.
Leave him and her alone for now. You do the research and have information regarding how your mom can reside with you and still remain independent. Find out about Respite and Family Support. Then have discussion. For now just let him know you have some research you have to do.
When you do talk to him, know in your heart that he would not turn out the little old lady. He's just got to complain. Give him that. How would you feel?
Have family dinners and let that be their interaction. Then give the man some space. I commend you for the effort you make with Mom. Watch for when you get exhausted. Then it's time for Plan B, dear.......
2006-10-27 17:09:09 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell them both that they're not being fair to you. You're in the middle, fed up of being in the middle and if nothing else, out of love for you, could they not at least be civil to one another? But, don't neglect hubby too, it's hard on a man to be living with his mother-in-law, he probably feels a bit overwhelmed having to live with two females that are very close :) Spend some extra time with him and make it count :) Some men can be really insecure, so reinforce your love and he might become less defensive.
2006-10-27 16:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by thebattwoman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably feel like you are not paying attention to him if you are devoting time to your mother. Was he in on the decision for her to live with you two? Does he feel like he's expected to entertain her? Keep in mind that you can choose your friends, but not your family. Some people just don't get along with one another. Doesn't mean that they can't be civil, but ifthere are other issues in the house, it wlll be even more difficult.
2006-10-27 16:54:12 · answer #4 · answered by Michael F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never put anyone in front of your spouse. That goes for parents as well as children. What good is it doing having her in your home when it is causing so much strife? You should visit a nursing home or two and see how greatg some of them are.
2006-10-27 16:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by Senor Pig 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to try is to get your husband and your mom separately, and say to them, it would mean so much to me, if the two of you would at least be nice to each other. Please, things happens so fast, and you are both the two people that I love,
I love the idea, that you want mom home with you, you will be blessed for that, now if we can only get them together. Get the children's game. Trouble, it is fun and simple, make them play, watch them start to call each other names. (smile)
2006-10-27 17:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dat's so sweet what you're doing for your mom. Leave them in a room together to talk...you never know what a few minutes can do
2006-10-27 16:53:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if you duct tape them each to a kitchen chair facing each other and then inform them both you shall cut them both free once they begin to get along, they wouldn't have much choice.
2006-10-27 16:56:13 · answer #8 · answered by dread pirate lavenderbeard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray for your family. If that doesn't work serve Lasgne with wine.
2006-10-27 16:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by stick man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him something about what she may know about and her the same. If you and her talk about something that he knows about then maybe she and h will talk about it. Just a suggestion.
2006-10-27 16:56:04 · answer #10 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋