i have instigated the divorce and my husband wont forgive me we have been married for over 25 years we have to share the house till things are sorted and finalised i want things to be amicable and we have got to sort stuff out but he refuses to discuss things with me.he has hurt me too,but the silence is torture is there a law against it
2006-10-27 09:42:05 · 24 answers · asked by lucky 2b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nellie is mistaken. You can't just get an injunction or exclusion order for no reason, and certainly not because he's giving you the silent treatment. My brother's ex-wife made an application for the court to order my brother to leave the house and all the evidence the silly creature offered the judge was "life is difficult". The judge quite rightly refused to order my brother out of the house and his wife was furious. If anything, he could have sought an order to have her thrown out - she was the abusive, violent, screaming witch, not him.
I think you have no choice but to accept that your situation is uncomfortable and you will have to put up with it for the time being. After 25 years your husband must be shocked to find that you don't want to stay married to him.
Get your lawyer to refer you for mediation if your husband will agree to go. And if your husband won't talk to you, maybe it would help if he'd talk to someone else about what he's feeling. I am sure once he has got past his shock and anger, he will begin to accept the situation and feel more able to deal with the practicalities.
2006-10-27 10:57:07 · answer #1 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Torture? You don't know what REAL torture is. I don't know of any law that says "the silent treatment" is wrongful in the course of a divorce. It's actually BETTER that you not discuss things if one or both of you is emotional. Just relay messages through the lawyers.
Grow up. You knew he'd be irritated when you filed for divorce. You knew he wasn't going to be thrilled. If you honestly thought he'd be happy with it then you need counseling.
You're lucky you even have a marital home. I've seen divorces where they've been married 25 yrs. and don't have diddly squat. Focus on what you have that's good and not what you don't have or is bad.
2006-10-27 16:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by The Divorce Guru 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lived in the same house with the husband i was trying to divorce while we were trying to get a buyer for the house.
Silence may not be very nice, but it is better than someone shouting abuse i suppose.
If he won't sort stuff out, then leave him a letter saying it would be quicker and cheaper if you could decide together all the stuff that needs sorting, rather than having to put it all in a letter to your solicitor who then writes to his and so on!
There is only so much money tell him - does he want to waste it all on solicitors?
It is a horrible time, but it does pass and then you can get on with the rest of your life. Good luck.
2006-10-28 06:40:52 · answer #3 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No law that I know of for silence, except that it can be argued in divorce court as a form of mental abuse. What you need to be thankful of at the moment is, it's silence rather than constant fighting and arguments you are going through.
You need to be strong and think of your future. It's vital that you begin to plan what you are going to do and where you are going to go. Don't leave it till the last minute. Once the house is sold (presumably) you need to have a plan ready.
You've had a partner for 25 years and if you're like me, have probably depended on him, and planned together throughout those years. Now, you are going to be on your own, so get ready for that. Know exactly where you are heading. Give yourself a goal to aim for, rather than worrying about where you've been.
As for the silence, use it wisely. Shouting is much, much worse.
2006-10-27 16:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by Val G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chin up - it CAN work. I was the one who asked for a divorce when I was married; and my husband was against it - however, his silence throughout the years I had attempted to no avail to talk through our problems, gave way to me no longer loving him.
He asked to stay in the house until he could arrange to move...which was about 4 months....
In the beginning it was very difficult. We hardly spoke at all. I didn't know whether I was expected to continue as we had - i.e., did I still cook, clean, wash for him? Was I expected to be home at a certain time, etc etc etc.
Well, I did the minimal, but I did agree to him staying. On the evening before he was to move, FINALLY he decided he was ready to talk and wanted to save the marriage.
Sad thing was it was way too late for me.
I DO understand circumstances where two have to live under the same roof. I only hope that for you bickering is kept at a minimum........Actually silence is good!
2006-10-27 17:13:00 · answer #5 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend had the same except her husband was sh*gging another behind her back when she was pregant. This other woman was married as well and when my mate found out he couldn't leave the home as the other bit was still with her hubby. She had to put up with this for months till the cheating pair got a place together. I do feel sorry for you but don't think theres much you can do. You could try bringing other men home that might p*ss him off!!! Or go out more with mates or something???
2006-10-27 16:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by Katie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That must be hard, so hard for you. Is there no way you could move in with family or friends on a temp basis till things are sorted?
Can you not rent a small place on your own for now? your husband is a complete bastard for putting you through this I'm sure, you have my sympathy. In fact come and live at mine for a bit!
2006-10-27 16:46:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think like this, you have been through so much stuff with this man, ask God to give you the strength to endure it for a little longer. I think if you changed your attitude, and act as if he is not their, speak, and just go about your business, things will go better for you. You will be okay! just hang in their a little longer. Work on you, and how you are going to make yourself the happiest person in the world, when you are away from this man (smile)
2006-10-27 16:53:59 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak to your solicitor, you can have him removed from the house, get him served an injunction. That's what happened to my husband by his previous wife. She got an injunction served on him, they came to the door, she answered it, told him it was for him,. By this time the man had moved away from the front door causing my (now) husband to walk to him. As he did she closed the door and the man served the injunction, banning him from going within a 5 mile radius of the house. He got the distance changed since his parents lived 100 yards from his (then) matrimonial home. He still finds her repulsive to this day. (We have been married 18 years).
My husband seems to think you can have him for unacceptable behaviour, what he's doing to you is mental torture. Of course, that sort of action could make him worse?
GOOD LUCK.
2006-10-27 17:22:59 · answer #9 · answered by Nellie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For your own piece of mind and your sanity find a friend that will put you up its got to be better than the silent torture anything would be
2006-10-27 16:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by lisac67mc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋