help me please i feel torn and broken!!!?

Question

i split with my x 3 month ago and have had to move away with my young daughter for her to start school in september and me to start uni in january. we were engaged for a yr and half but very close friends for 5 yrs before that. we still love each other and ive just come back from staying there for 2 nights. he got alot of family stuff going on at home as he has 3 kids himself 1 that lives with him who i love dearly and my little girl who calls him dad. he says hes there for us but he dont think we can get back together and its killing me and my little girl. im so lost and lonley without him. i even think of giving my career up but not even that would work. my mum is an **** aswell she makes things worse for me coz she dont like him and trys to control my life. im so scared and down and worried that he'll meet someone else its eating away at me. i miss him and so does my lil girl i want to make things right and desparatly want him back. what do i do ?

Answer 1

Listen,

I have been there! I was a single mom for 7 years.

I left college to get engaged and then married.

My ex- bought me a ring 21 diamonds, we were together for 5years,living together and the whole 9- when I got pregnant he split. I was still living with him hoping **** would turn around but it didn't.He still kept it up with another woman.

I know its not exactly the same but. similar, he is how-

Your lonely and don't know too many people
You have a kid and your super tired
its hard to tell people oh gee sorry I can't cuz I'm tired and my daughter goes to bed at 8 - I can't cuz I'm broke, I can't cuz I don't have a sitter, whatever.

Stuff sucks, But If you stay in school and do what's right for your daughter, and for your life. It will work out.

If you quit school for a Man who DOES NOT WANT YOU ANY MORE. even tho he cares for you and might love you. he still is not gonna be with you. If you leave school he will not come back to you, and you will never have a chance with him.

But If you do want him then you must stay in school, graduate and get a decent job, start your career and your NEW LIFE. he will think to himself - WOW look at what I gave up, and then you'll get him back.

Tha thing is by that time you might have changed your mind and found some one new and improved.

Thats what I did, and now I have 3 boys my oldest is 10.
I have a big house in Connecticut, and I am a stay at home mom, my hubby is an accountant and loves me and my children.- We even have a dog and the picket fence.

But you won't get any of that with out the education. including the MAN.

I struggled for 7 years. it was Damn hard but you can do it and it all does work out for the best. but its work

So the question is- Do you have what it takes.?

Push your self-
Do the work-
Put in the time-

Make new friends, it'll take some time. and trust me everyone is broke in college.-

Find cheap and fun things to do like jion a church group, its almost always free, and other town events for families-
the web can tell you free things that are happening in your town for free,

But keep busy and keep focused

OH and sweetie , I think you know at this point - please use birthcontrol. She doesn't need anymore brothers and sisters yet.

If you need to talk email me ok

GL

Meg
[e-mail]

Answer 2

You poor love. To go through all that with a young child, you have every right to feel as you do. Give it some time, if you love each other as you say, there may be a chance of you getting back together. I'm sure there must be a reason that you split up in the first place after being together for so long. You are obviously still seeing each other, at least that is a start. Try and take it slowly, don't try and push him into anything.
As for your Mum trying to control you, have you considered that she may be as upset as you are. She may be trying to look out for 'her' little girl and giving her support as she thinks is needed.
Whatever you decide to do, think very carefully before you pull out of university. You have to think of your future and at the moment, your future is you and your little girl.
My mum used to say 'If it's meant to be, it's meant to be!' Which I always thought was a load of twaddle, but as I've grown up it's amazing how true it is. Things don't always turn out like we want them to. We just have to take our chances as they come, take a deep breath and hope!
I hope things turn out for you.

Answer 3

Its difficult to focus when you're in such pain, but there's really nothing you can do.

You have to step back and give him his space. That way you'll at least keep his friendship and his respect.

Does he behave like he's also suffering? Or is he getting along just fine?

Saying he's there for you and actually wanting you to move back in, is two different things. Its just his way of letting you down gently.

Love has to happen naturally. Nothing kills love off faster than need or desparation. The ex will believe that he or she was right to end the relationship now instead of letting it continue.

Whatever decision he's made concerning the relationship, you have to take on board.

Sometimes its good to put distance between you. Its even better if you have any friends or family nearby to spend time with.

What you're going through is like a semi-bereavment, you shouldn't try to suppress your feelings. Let it out, of course, making sure your daughter isn't around.

Put on a weepy song, scream, shout, swear, punch a pillow, cry : whatever it takes to release some of your intense emotions.

Give yourself time to start getting over him Then take yourself in hand, find things to do with your spare time. Get to know your surrounding area (safety is paramount). Join your local library. See what activities they run. Is there a mother and toddler group anywhere? At your local church? Join that too.

Some of the attention you're focusing on your ex, turn that positively towards yourself and your child.

Start or continue educating your daughter so she has a good grip on her numbers, colours, alphabet, etc before she starts nursery. Do preliminary studies on your course.

Things you wanted to do with your ex that perhaps he wasn't interested in, can you do them now? That's if you're still interested in them.

Develop yourself, expand your horizons, take up or take further hobbies. Keep active, set goals for yourself.

You might decide that that you really don't want him back after all.

Giving up your career to try to stay near him may sound like a good idea now, but in 5 years time or even less, you will probably regret it with all your heart.

If he decides to start dating again, as much as it will hurt you, again there is nothing you can do.

As regards your mother, try not to get too angry with her. She's probably doing what she thinks is the best for you. Also, try not to weep and wail where she can hear or see you - she'll just get more angry at your ex and vent her frusrtation. Let her know, gently, that thanks for her help, advice and patience but that you need time to clear your head and that it has to come from you.

The one thing that makes an ex think "I wonder if I made a mistake leaving [insert name]" is if he or she sees the ex and the ex is looking good, making progress, is independent, is a little mysterious and is doing just fine.

He obviously wants to go ... so ... let him go. If you're truly meant to be together, he'll come back to you because he wants to .. not because he feels obliged or guilty.

Time will heal.

Answer 4

Well since you've already asked this question once already, I take it you're just down at the moment, and to be honest, nothing is really going to help but time. You need to do what is best for you and your little one, and I don't think that involves giving up because you feel down. Your mum might be a pain, but she probably does want the best for you and means well, and what you've said about your ex doesn't paint him in a good light, so stick to your guns and get to uni in January.

Answer 5

Its hard as a single mom. I know how it can be, but its really hard when your daughter calls another man Dad! It tares you apart. I'm a single mom and I can't say I've been in your position of the whole career and life style, but I do know what it means to be left out and alone with just you and your child. You need to talk to him regarding the situation. Why is it the way it is? Why are you hurt so much. Tell him that it really hurts your and if time is what he needs to please let you know and that you sincerely love him. From the bottom of your heart! He needs to know that, but you also have to understand he has children from other women and they are his main priority just like your little one is. She's your main focus. Tell him that she cares for him and that you both don't want him to go, but don't force it OR he'll let you go. Just Let him know and let him understand how precious you are are to him. As for your mom, well, mom's should be encouragement and supportive, not disappointing! Be a better and bigger mother than her.

Answer 6

You know he is telling you, that the two of you can not get back together, what more do you want. At least he is being honest. So why would you want to waste more of your life, with someone who does not want you. Your mom knows, she has been around the bend a few times, and she is trying to warn you, but you are just not getting the message! It is going to take time for you to let this sink in, but for your sanity sake, you have to move on.

Answer 7

Knowone said life is easy, all that matters is you and your daughter.
Don't give up on your career this will bring you opportunities in years to come, Uni is only a few years of your short life.
Mum's are all you say they are but they still care and only want the best for their kid's. Stick it out & be strong.
All the Best

Answer 8

It's so difficult for you darlin', you have my sympathy, I know what it's like when there are little ones involved.
I know it's easier said than done but you need to put this man out of your mind. He is not putting you and your daughter first and that is where you should be. Concentrate looking after your beautiful daughter and don't actively chase him, let hm think you're ok with everything and if he comes back to you then he's yours, if not it was never meant to be, move on hun...there's plenty of good men out there who would give their left arm to be with you :o) Good luck and keep your chin up. Oh and stop sleeping with him it's messing your head up.

Answer 9

i think he is just using you coz he actually said he doesnt think you can get back together. when men say that they are trying to let you down nicely.
i know you have known him a long time but i think a clean break would be thebest.
the more you have contact with this guy the more you will want him back. he is just using you until someone else is on the scene.
it will be hard for you to do this but he is trying to tell you nicely.

remember you have split up for a reason.

Answer 10

If he says you aren't getting back together that probably means he has found someone else... you need to move on you have to. Your kid should not have been allowed to call him dad if you weren't married, you should have been more careful. Next time try not to make the same mistakes. For now move on, stop talking to him and focus all your energy into something else, like making a better like for you and your kid.