Wife says chatting online and using a cam to pleasure yourself is cheating. Husband says it's not because there is no actual physical contact.
Wife asks husband to stop because she feels betrayed now that he knows how she feels about it, & he says he will. About 8 months later she wakes up in middle of night to use bathroom (she's pregnant) and finds him pleasuring himself while on computer. He swears he hasn't done it since they first discussed it, cries that he loves her and swears up and down to never do it again because he knows how much it hurts her. Wife doubts, but because she's pregnant and they already have another child, believes him.
Wife has gnawing feeling it's still going on and does some "investigating"on computer and finds husband is STILL doing this (and never stopped). This time he uninstalls chat software and removes webcam and claims it's all "nothing." Please don't leave him.
He won't go to counseling as he's too ashamed to talk to stranger about it. Thoughts?
2006-10-27 09:10:36 · 22 answers · asked by Neeners 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can see how he could be embarrased to talk about this with anyone but if your marriage is on the line then his embarrasment should take a back seat! Plus...this is a hired proffessional not some TV host that he would talk about this with. If he wants to get help and not loose his wife and family then he would take whatver measure is neccesary! I have been involved with a pathalogical liar and compulsive cheater who each time swore it was the last time! He too never engaged in counseling to help himself and save the marriage so I asked myself why should I stick around any longer. If you have taken all measures and have tried to work this marriage out then what else can you do? I'm not reccomending that you give up on your husband but do realize that one spouse can't make a marriage work. Let your husband know that he has betrayed your trust and if he loves you, his family, and most importantly himself then he should get over his pride and embarrasment and go get help! Let his actions start speaking louder than his words and begin to listen to them. That is the only way to determine a person's true intentions! I wish you luck and strength in dealing with this issue!
2006-10-27 09:18:37 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I'm (a little) more on his side. True, he promised you one thing and you have every right to be upset but I, myself, have changed drastically from the person I once was so it's not hard to imagine he has too and what he once said, he no longer feels the same way. (BTW, according to the NT, I think divorce is the one thing Jesus actually says anything negative about. He lists homosexuality, along with other sexual acts, as something God is against but divorce is the only thing he actually forms his own opinion on. There are some other verses that point out he is not the same as 'his father' (there's more reason why I don't think a contradictory book is good to base these 'morals' on, but...) Anyway, when the two of you married, you were promised and expecting one thing but now things have changed and so has he. I would see a marriage counselor...and really examine whether you might be a little too controlling. He could be 'acting out' b/c he doesn't know how to communicate any feelings he has of feeling 'smothered'.
2016-05-22 01:24:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i personaly don't think it is cheating!
but aparently she does! so hubby needs to find a why to communicate with wifey by asking wifey how can he prove to her that he will not do this!
also hubby needs to fight for his beleives aas well and not be a push over if both hubby and wifey reall love each other then both should listen!
and give reasons!
hubby should not be ashamed or emmbarrased about what he did it's really normal! for men and women to get aroused!
points
its' not cheating
there is no phsyical contact! - it's just a photo!
points it is cheating
communication that sexual feeling with someone else!
would wify get mad if it was a p hoto on a wall!
ummm
then maybe she has materbation issues.. again all this needs to be talke about!
i don't see what the kids have to do withthis so i would just leave them out of it!
good luck
Trust, communication, and passion are the key elements to a great relationship
2006-10-27 09:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that emotional betrayal is just as bad as physical betrayal. No doubt the husband has issues of some sort. I'm not sure that this situation constitutes betrayal. This is more on the lines of porn than betrayal. I say to the wife....ask him if she can be a part of the pleasure.
2006-10-27 09:15:22 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Jackson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is pretty harmless except to the egos of women. Why do I say that? because women don't seem to have problems with men and women who watch porn as a couple, its only when the man wants to enjoy it by himself that he becomes "perverted" or an addict.
He'll get help if he thinks it is a problem. But he won't just because you thinks its a problem.
Convince him that it is a problem, don't just say that you don't like it, tell him exactly what it does to you and your relationship. Maybe when he sees your side he'll consider it to be more of a problem than just something that annoys you.
2006-10-27 09:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the wife it could be worse...he could give it to someone real, and bring home an STD. Seriously, is she fulfilling his needs? If so, then its an issue they need to work out if they can't see eye to eye.
If she's not fulfilling his needs, then he deserves to fulfill them. And frankly online sex is harmless. So long as it stays online. Not to mention, for his own health, if he's capable of orgasms he should have them. Studies show that men who don't use it have higher risks of prostate cancer.
Actually thats kind of hot...I would have gone in there and joined him. Climbed on and enjoyed the ride. Even it I hadn't of wanted any, I would have atleast given him a hand or a mouth. People who play together, stay together.
2006-10-27 09:18:34 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wife is stupid for getting pregnant with man who jerks off on computer and lies about it. Wife knew of problem but didn't want to really deal with it. Wife was placated by empty promises because was easier. Both wrong.
2006-10-27 09:14:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
too bad you can't smash his computer..but..don't you wonder how someone finds the time for all of this..do they sit around all the time and dwell..this would also have to tire themselves out leaving not much energy for not only being a good husband but dad...he must make a lot of $$$ to be able to play this hard at it...
2006-10-27 09:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by willowz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that is a tough call. i believe anything you do behind your wifes back is a form of cheating. so that being said yes i believe he is, however i dont know if it falls under the cheating window of having an affair. he probably should get some help.
2006-10-27 09:14:02 · answer #9 · answered by needingitnow342000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is not the issue. There is something much deeper that needs to be discussed with a qualified proffessional therapist.
2006-10-27 09:13:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋