It was an unplanned pregnancy and I already have a 1year old. I am quite happy about it, and would definitely not consider abortion, we have enough money(not rich, but enough), and I have lots of love to give. My partner however is not handling it well at all, he goes through phases, like this afternoon he was talking about bunkbeds and saying we should get the baby channels back, but last night he was saying he is scared and he thinks I'll find it hard to cope, basically that he wishes it didnt happen.
Obviously I'm not expecting him to be happy straight away when this is titally out of the blue, but I would like it if he could give me some support and learn to come to terms with it.
How long do you think it will take?
2006-10-27 08:56:21 · 23 answers · asked by cigaro19 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Please carry on answering, regardless of the amount of replies, I would like as many opinions as possible:)
2006-10-27 09:16:46 · update #1
Don't worry he will come around. When i told my husband I was pregnant he didnt even bother turning away from the playstation and all i got was a grunt!
I'm sure its just shock, as your belly grows he will get more and more into it.
He's probably thinking of the extra stress with money, you say you have enough to cope but does he think the same? and then the sleepless nights and your 1 year old too!!!
I don't know what your 1 year old is like but my daughter is almost 1 and she is still in the cling to mummy or daddys leg all the time and whine phase. I'm sure hes thinking about having the small baby crying and the 1 year old moaning too.
Once he gets past the "oh my god" stage and he realises that you are fine with it and as prepared as you can be, I bet he gets really involved.
Make sure you take him to your first scan, thats when my hubby started to take a bit more notice and calm down although I might add he never really got into the supportive stage!
You could also try explaining to him that you are worried about how he has reacted to the pregnancy and see what his answer is.
I have heard that 2 is not much more work than 1 but only having 1 myself i cant vouch for that! Get him to think about it this way....at least your 1 year old will have someone to occupy them and help look after, kids seem to love thinking they are helping...even if in reality the flour all over the floor wasnt quite what you wanted!
2006-10-27 09:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by bebishenron 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I friend of mine just told me she was pregnant so i took out my pregnancy book to see if she may want to use it. It opened on the pages discussing this very issue. It says that a man will go through phases because he is getting used to the idea fo being a father and trying to think of everything that this means. I know you already have a child but as you said this one is not planned so for him it is maybe as if he is starting from the beginning. I have a one year old and we are having a grand old time now that she is actively participating in everyday life. Maybe your partner finds it hard going through the difficult first few months so soon?
The book says that second trimester is time when these things usually happen - partly because the bump becomes so obvious. This is individual and i guess you will know best because you know your partner - if he is a loving dad then dont worry too much because he will come to terms with it shortly probably.
2006-10-27 09:56:35 · answer #2 · answered by justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys go through a lot of different emotions when they hear big news like this, just like women do. Unfortunately, sometimes when we're thinking through everything, some thoughts are said out loud that maybe shouldn't be said. It's a stressful situation, but I think it's a good sign that he's made some of the positive comments already. My wife and I had an unplanned pregnancy and I freaked out a little. But I tried to stay positive around her. There's no point in being negative about it, it won't change anything. Best thing to do is just enjoy it, and I'm sure your partner will figure that out.
2006-10-27 09:04:28 · answer #3 · answered by TB 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well to start most couples have a lot of phases they go through during pregnancy and after. There's a lot of excitement, worry, confusion, stress...and everything else all bundled up into 9 months. Most men feel as if they need to be the providers for a family and most feel that they arent able to provide well enough for a family. So starting off men usually have a negative approach to a surprise pregnancy. Im sure he will get over it once you figure out your expenses and other things that go along with a baby. good luck!
2006-10-27 09:07:06 · answer #4 · answered by gymgoddess24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything heals with time. It could be that your partner is just freaked out at the moment. One child is stressful enough, did he feel neglected when you had your first? It's the hardest job in the world to be all things to all people - so just relax - I assume you have a few months to get used to the idea and slowly he will too. As for the children having a sibling close in age is brilliant. I had 3 in 3 years and now they are all teenagers and I'm getting my life back - so there are advatages too. Good luck, I'm sure it will be fine.
2006-10-27 09:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by braniac 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it probably just hasnt hit him yet you know how sometimes you feel so excited and then other times your not really sure what to feel? well i think the man goes through the same phases you think of all the good stuff and then freak yourself out alittle bit with the reality of everything going on but most likely once he gets into the swing of things again and hears that little heartbeat and sees the outrosound pictures and then finally holds his child he most likely be all for it give him time he might need a little time to come around so try to be patient even though i know its hard but try to understand and respect the way he is feeling right now just like you would want him to do for you,congrats on your pregnancy!!!
2006-10-27 09:18:11 · answer #6 · answered by bellababi44 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt a bit like your partner when I first found out my wife was pregnant, I just thought of all the things we had to prepare and buy and was a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of being totally responsible for a little baby. But as soon as I came to terms and when I saw her for the first time my worries faded away and my whole life suddenly made sense. Don't be to hard on him just yet, he will by fine.
2006-10-27 09:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Thornsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not this is a pretty normal reaction. My husband did the same thing, I was furious!!! We had jus agreed to try again but it wasn't supposed to be until this time NEXT year, well come to find out I'm not 10 weeks pregnant (give or take a few days) and he is starting to come around more. We have three daughters, we lost a son in Jan. of this year, and now we're pregnant again. It's a lot to take in, and men tend to think they're macho and have to begin taking care of things now. He'll relax and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you do, you just have to give him time to adjust. I think pregnancy affects our partners more at first than it does us!! Good luck and congrats!
2006-10-27 09:05:19 · answer #8 · answered by justwondering 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when i was 15 i got with my boyfriend he was 19 when i turned 16 the first time i ever slept with him i fell pregnant wernt planned but i was landed i told my bf and he was over the moon i had a little girl then when she was 5 months old i fell pregnant again it wernt planed i wernt happy (but would never have abortion) and by boyfriend was very happy and i kept tellin him we wouldnt be able to cope and he kept reashuring me but when i actually had him at a few days after my 18th i was crying all the time because i actually didnt want him and i felt so bad now my daughter is nearly 3 and my son is nearly 2 and i would never change them for the world so if i can do it at 16 with no money and living in a bedsit then your boyfriend can its easy when you try
2006-10-27 22:07:17 · answer #9 · answered by victoria b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to support each other. It's not just you. It's not just you and a baby. It's you, your partner, a toddler and one "in the oven" to put it less than eloquently. You need to understand his feelings, and he needs to understand yours. He probably feels overwhelmed with a toddler and another on the way. You probably do, too. He probably feels stressed at having to go through it all over again so soon. You probably do, too. Schedule a sitter, and go out to dinner or something and have a heart to heart talk with each other. Don't fight with each other, listen to his concerns, and show that you care, and he'll listen to your concerns and show that he cares, too, assuming that this is an otherwise healthy emotional relationship.
2006-10-27 09:09:33 · answer #10 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋