Do you think that telling your kids the following is a good idea based on your marriage experience: 1) not to think of marriage until after cllege, 2) no living together until a wedding date has been set, 3) together at least 2 years (engaged and living together for 2nd year if wedding date set), and 4) think of the partners family as marriage material as much as the partner (they're going to be part of life for a long time)?
2006-10-27 08:47:06 · 11 answers · asked by OU812 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1) no. I would tell them not to get married until after college however they are free to find a mate and plan a wedding while in college. Just save the date until after graduation or they'll go nuts from stress.
2) Hell no. Emphatically hell no. Research and my own experiances have shown me that couples who live together before marriage work out MUCH better then those who don't. It is an easy way to see if being with this person forever is realistic, and if the answer is no, then it is a lot easier to move out then divorce.
3) I would tell them that being together two years before an engagement is a good rule of thumb, but ultimately there is no perfect yardstick for something like this and they should make their own decisions on the matter.
4) Yes I would tell them this. I would also have them get promises from their spouse of how to deal with difficult familiy members (groping uncle Dave, nosey mother, etc) so they can present a united front. Make sure that your spouse will back you up.
2006-10-27 08:52:11 · answer #1 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I disagree with your guidelines.
NOT all people are fortunate to attend college. It's not up to another person how one thinks. IF one wants to think of marriage, why not??
WHY the 2 year wait? What does 2 years do for the next 60?
Who makes these rules???? what does a wedding date set got to do with living together? OH MY??
The partners family should only be thought of if they have a big fat wallet and plan on putting you in the will.
2006-10-27 15:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well based on my marriage experience and religious background I wouldn't tell my children to live with their partners before marriage because then I would be telling them it's okay to sin. But I do think it is wise to try to encourage them to wait until they do have their lives together. And yes they should definitely think of their partners family also because they would want that same respect and consideration back from their partner. And I agree with what lil_mama7 said, your kids will grow up and go there own way. All you can do is try your best to teach them the right morals to have in life and hope they see reason and follow the right path.
2006-10-27 16:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by mo92376 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with some of those guidlines except the no living together until a wedding date has been set. I am big believe in the test drive and having a wedding date looming out in the future would be too much pressure.
2006-10-27 15:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by Gonzo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... Based on my personal marriage experience (still hapily married 33 years)
1. Sex on the first date. LOL
2. Live together right away.
Ok, so I have two fabulous kids. Boy 22 and girl 18. Do you think I tell them about this? Heck NO!!!
Life is good. You gotta feel your way through every minute as it comes.
2006-10-27 15:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by Jon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if the parents have been good role models, the kids will respect those ideas. But so many parents are divorcing their 2nd and 3rd and 4th spouses with kids from each union, and boyfriends and girlfriends inbetween-- what kid is going to listen those massive failures? Parents need to lead by example, and not expect their kids to behave better than they have/do.
2006-10-27 15:51:40 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I basically tell them not to fall in my footsteps, b/c it wasnt fun or right. we had kids b4 we tied the knot, but i'm always telling my girls to wait until they build a career and they are independant, and just enjoy life 1st. I explain that it isnt right to live together b4 u get married, and to make sure that they receive the upmost respect and have a friendship.
2006-10-27 15:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by Sicilian Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never tell my children to live with someone before they marry them, I did and I think it is a mistake.
2006-10-27 15:51:02 · answer #8 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well that is fine but you need to understand that kids do grow up and do what they want
2006-10-27 15:49:31 · answer #9 · answered by goodlookin.mama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how about this don't live together or be intimate till you are married.
2006-10-27 15:54:55 · answer #10 · answered by Thumbs down me now 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋