What are the duties of marriage?

Question

I am a married women, 20 years of age. My husband and I have been married for 3 months and living together for almost a year.
In the beggining I always cooked elaborate meals, cakes and pampered my husband. Soon after I became ill and wasn't able to keep up with all the chores. I have just started with treatment and have gradulaaly been doing better. Now I attend morning classes and work almost full time after school. My husband has lost his job and spend most of his days at home or doing ood jobs. When i come home from a long day if ind the house in a mess, no food made and him on the phone for hours. He pays liitle to no regard to me now and actually doesn't even like me to hug him. He says that the reason he acts this way is because I don't do much housework. In his own words, he ask me, "What kind of woman are you?" I think I am doing quite well trying to fight of my sickness and help support both of us? Is his thinking justified? I don't think so, but I'd like to hear some advice

Answer 1

He's an idiot.

Dump him and move on.

Answer 2

First off yes u are the perfect definition of a wife. U cook, clean, and have a paying job. And yes in other words that is the question that ur husband is askn. If he doesnt have a job, sits on the phone gossiping,doesnt cook, or clean. U should ask urself what kind of husband is he. It would be a different story if he did other things around the house far as having u a home cooked meal after u have had a long day at work.U shouldnt have to come home doing nothing everything should b done. Tell him he needs to get his act together and learn the basics of a marriage. Look deeper into that he doesnt want u to hug him situation.He could b cheatn on u and is feeling guilty.
I hope my aadvice helped GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

He is trying to rob you of the joy you are having becoming independent and educated. He is also jealous that you are doing well. His self-esteem is low and he is projecting what he thinks about himself onto you.
The duties of marriage are this: You are a partnership and everything that is done should be for the mutual benefit of the relationship. Since he is the one at home he should be the one to do the housework and get dinner started. On your days off you can take up the slack.
You could also try using a crockpot. You could put the ingredients in the pot in the morning and then by the time you come home the meal will be done or you could do it at night then in the morning it is done. All that will be needed is to reheat it when you return after work.
Don't feel guilty for pursuing your interests. He is the one with the problem not you.

Answer 4

Oh, honey.....your husband is looking for a mommy, not a wife:( He needs a serious reality check and sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do! This is the year 2006, not 1950, and marriage should be an equal partnership. By this I mean that both parties should do their share and be supportive of each other. If you are working so hard to not only go to school, and work but also fighting an illness and he is laying on his a** all day plus treating you like dirt, that is emotional abuse and he needs to get help. I think, for 20 years old and doing all that you are plus having to deal with a non-supportive, insulting husband, you are a hell of a woman!!! You do what is right for you and what you need to do to get healthy, physically and emotionally, and don't worry about his dumb a**. He is a grown man (even though he doesn't realize it) and he can take care of himself. It is so wrong for him to make you feel like you aren't good enough when it is actually him that is the problem. But that is how emotional abusers are, they drag you down emotionally so that you start believing that everything is your fault. Sorry, but I have personal experience with this and I hate to hear when it happens to someone else. There are 2 great books that I got from Barnes & Noble once that were very helpful to me. One is called "Dump (or Ditch?) That Jerk", which isn't the greatest title, but I think would be helpful in your situation. The other is called "Too Good to Stay, Too Bad to Leave". If you love your husband and feel that this problem can be resolved, please urge him to go to couples therapy with you. If he refuses......maybe he'll go to therapy by himself. I hope it works out for you either way, Good luck sweetie and take care of yourself first!

Answer 5

Your husband needs to grow up and be the man in your family.Just because he lost his job is no reason to act as he is doing.Marriage is supposed to be about loving and taking care of your partner in sickness and health. Maby your man is scared and can't except the fact that you are ill or he could be depressed over losing his job. If he is at home all day ,there is no reason he can't clean up and at least have you a bowl of soup and a sandwich when you get home. If you feel that your marriage is worth saving try talking things out with him.If you have your doubts just remenber you are making it on your own right now.

Answer 6

I am going to assume that you are not from the USA. Your posting sounds like you are from a different culture than I am, so my answer may not be appropriate to your situation.

Here in the USA, in a healthy relationship, we try to share the responsibilities. This includes earning money, household chores, being supportive of each other, etc...

A woman (or a man for that matter) is not judged based on the housework she does or the amount of money she earns, but rather on what kind of a person she is.

If you were in the USA, I think most of the people on this site would tell you to throw the bum out on his butt and never look back.

Answer 7

Men tend to get carried away and think that Wife means you cook, clean and take care of me and the kids while working full time. Ha ha ha, this is new times!! I am fortunate enough to have a fiancee who helps and supports me 107%. We both work, since he gets off and home before me, he cooks dinner, (not every night, he's not superman,) but generally maybe one or two nights out of the week he will. He helps me clean up the whole house (scrubs toilets, does dishes and even washes clothes!!). You need to tell your husband to get off his lazy *** and help you. He married a woman, not a slave!! Furthermore, he said the vows (For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad), did he mean them??? You're sick and going through hard times and it appears you need the man right now. He should be the one catering to you!! Some men get spoiled and then become unappreciative, like kids. You may have spoiled the man rotten and he got use to being treated like a king and now's he's just expects things. I don't believe his thinking is justified in anyway, I highly respect you for working and still maintaining your household and not doing unspeakable things to the man!!! all while fighting your illness. Keep your head up!

Answer 8

Remind your husband promises made to each other during a wedding ceremony. You both promised to love, comfort, and keep, forsaking all others, do i for richer or for poorer, and in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.
These are your sworn duties. Talk with him remember that he maybe also depressed and try to get some outside help from family friend? Good luck to both of you.

Answer 9

What ever you start you end up keeping if you like it or not. Once you started doing all the cooking and cleaning..he assumes that is your role. Your job. You will need to clarify that roles need to be changed now that circumstances have changed. good luck with that! If he continues to be an ***..I'd leave.

Answer 10

He might be insecure about the fact that he's not able to support the family. If I couldn't support my family, I'd be in rough shape emotionally. Try talking to his mother. Sometimes mothers and daughter-in-laws need to consipire against son/husbands to get the proper results.

Answer 11

wow and your married! makes me want to fight back!
have you told him that he needs to be a man and get a job and give you money then! once that happends you can quit your job and focus on the house work!
what a dog!
but the duties of marriage is to love one another threw anythign!
the rest isn't a darn business deal! whomever works shouldn't clean unless both work then it should be split!
please don't have kids please don't have kids not with him!
i can just emagine how bad of dad he would be...

i could be wrong
have you tried to express how you feel about it all! do you both communicate?

remember
trust, communictaion , and passion are the key elements to a HEALTHY GOOD relationship