She says she needs me to do it so we can start over as friends and MAYBE someday more. She had been trying to make me see that things needed to change for along time and I didn't see it. Now I do and I fear it is to late. I love her with all that i am understand that the change will need to start with ME. how do I get her to see and give me another chance. 17 years is to long to give up on. I don't want it the way it was--It was not good for either one of us. I want it new 50/50.
2006-10-27 06:48:57 · 24 answers · asked by skipper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should sign the papers - she has told you that signing them is what she needs for you to do in order to wipe the slate clean and start over...she is holding out an opportunity, just not on your terms. If there has been a betrayal of trust then signing the papers could be the beginning of a building block of trust to show that you are not being selfish and just trying to hang on to what you say you want, then as soon as she backs down, go back to your old ways (which 99% of men do).
2006-10-27 06:54:37 · answer #1 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but if you did not give it your all then what makes you think you'll give it your all now? Why now do you want to change? you did not take her seriously she reached out to you many of times trying to hold on an make things better but you did what you wanted to and now now you think you can change and want to change why b/c you are desprate and it's too late and you probably already know that. Once you have her back you'll slip back into your old ways.
It does sound like there is some hope there but if you truely can't change and change for good let her go - if she turly doesn't want you anymore why do you want her? Do you even know how to be her friend and why try now just b/c you've finally realized you smucked up and she's finally filed!? I would have to say it's your loss and it sounds like you caused it so make the bed you sleep in... Don't fight that is what you know how to do best just always making her miserable for once don't fight... Especially if you have been cheating let her have a good peaceful life. If there has been no cheating and you really can change and change for the better without blaming her for it later ask her what it will take to get things back on track and for her not to go forth with the divorce. Life is too short you should have listened to her way before now!
2006-10-27 14:30:28 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her exactly what you just told us. You know your mistakes, you cant go back and fix them, but you can most definitely learn from them. Tell her you love her, if you sign those papers you will be giving up everything you have had together. Nothing will be the same, you cant reinact things and you cant live in memories. You seem like you really care the world for her, I have recently been divorced, 11 1/2 years together, at one time I felt it was too long, now I feel it wasnt long enough. I still love him with everything in me. I almost didnt tell him the divorce was final because I thought if I didnt tell him that we would eventually get back together. Who would I have been kidding by doing that. I told him, and I wish it wasnt real. Once you do it, you cant go back. We have a 6 yr old little girl together, our only child. I love him, and I hope that one day he will wake up and see that. But you have to realize that it takes two, you cant do it for the both of you. You have to make her realize that you are willing to do whatever it takes. I wish my husband would have done that for me. Good luck.
2006-10-27 14:01:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes sign them. She's telling you she wants out. After 17 years it will hard for her to trust you when you say you'll change. So start now and sign the papers and who knows maybe before the divorce is final you can bring the love she desires back between you two. But if your changing for someone you have to keep the changes and not go back to old ways.
2006-10-27 13:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough to do, but you gotta let it go. I'm also going through this. I wanted to fight, but she just doesn't want to try anymore. It takes two to make it work. She's probably already sold you out of her mind and there's really no going back from there. It only took me a week to come to grips with it, but now that I have, I realize things will get better for me now. Things were probably not perfect for you either if you think about it. Someone out there is there for you, maybe right around the corner, and will make you happy. Good luck.
2006-10-27 14:28:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we can't go back. If she has discussed the problems with you for that length of time and you did not try to change the situation, she has probably lost what she had for you and being apart she feels she may get it back. I do feel sorry for you as sometimes we learn too late to fit things. I think it best if you give her what she wants and tell her that you are only doing it to please her and show her that you can indeed change for the better for her. Good Luck as it's not an easy call either way.
2006-10-27 14:04:30 · answer #6 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Skip,
My wife and I separated, divorced at 11 years, she was off the deep end of an emotional cesspool that I couldn't reach. We share custody of our kids and would spend time having suppers together and eventually we remarried. It wasn't as easy as wishing something would just happen. we agreed to see a counselor together. We had bad communication patterns going for 11 yrs, we had to find ways to communicate daily without feeling like we were backing each other into corners.
Change begins inside. You have to want to make yourself better, a relationship can only work when both parties are willing to make personal efforts toward a common outcome.
2006-10-27 14:00:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dont sign them. You have come to a realization before it was too late. Remember talk is cheap, let your wife know that you love her and that you will do anything to make it work. I am sure that she still loves you although women do get fed up they also change their minds and are the most forgiving creatures. Just prove it to her that you really want to make your relationship work dont tell her show her. I am sure its not to late for the two of you. I hope that everything works out for the two of you.
2006-10-27 13:56:36 · answer #8 · answered by hmm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's at the stage where you just need to sign the papers then sign. It's over ---for her anyways. You would be fighting a futile battle to try to make her stay.
If she wants out, she will do or say anything to get you to sign the papers. She has no intention of working things out.
2006-10-27 13:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by snippers72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not worth it man went threw the same **** about a year ago. Didnt want tp get divorced, wanted to try to work it out. She pretty much just didnt give a ****. Who new id be happier, and haveing more fun than her. I seem to have morre money, have lost more fun. And well she works 2 jobs and lives with her parents. I know its different you have alot more time invested, and years on me. But dont worry about it things will work out good or bad. Just make the most of it and try not to get to stressed.
2006-10-27 15:38:34 · answer #10 · answered by striderknight2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋