My Husband and I have been in marriage counseling for a year and out for a year.... wehave only been married for 3 years. We seem to disagree on every thing and lately we have even began to ignore each other and I can't stand it. We will have a fight and then in a few days forget that is ever happened and in the mean time we just ignore each other. he and my Daughter form another person do not get along very well. We rarely have sex and he plays video games and sleeps alot. He hates my family( for good reason) But the main thing is he really doesn't even notice me till i tell him to....We go for days with out touching, kissing or even sleeping in the same bed. we don't really have a lot in common. And i know that he loves me but I do not think he is in love with me. Recently I have met some one who shows intrest in me. I find my self really attracted to him. I do not want to cheat but the temptation is there daily! My marriage seems to keep sliding further away. What should I do?
2006-10-27 06:37:29 · 21 answers · asked by kant_think 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, before breaking the marriage bond. Maybe you two need to spend some time apart (even though it seems you all dont even acknowledge each other already). Spend a week away from him, whether its him going somewhere for a week or you going somewhere for a week. See if you all are more happy that way. You really need to test the waters before you set sail. A divorce is a hard thing to go through but so can marriage. You all seem to need some time apart anyways.
This may sound stupid but it really helps. My mom told me this once. Picture him walking down the street with another lady on his arm. What would your reaction be? Would you hate that sight? Would you really not care? Your true emotions can actually come out when trying to visualize what could be.
My sister-in-law and brother are going through the same thing you are. Except they have a 2 year old and he stays on the computer constantly. They dont even conversate any more. Just hi and bye. This has really put her in a depression. She is confused like you. Since I do know what she is going through I have told her to leave him for a week or however long it takes to see which way they would be happier. Sometimes it takes losing something to realize how cherishable it can be (for both people). I wish you the best of luck. I know it is a very hard road to be on.
2006-10-27 06:44:25 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many guys have you cycled through?
Before you get involved with some other guy, figure out what is going on in your life.Cheating is not an option which will help.
Finish or stay in your marriage but make a decision. Perhaps your husband knows your eyes are wandering and is fed up with it. It sounds like you are lining up all the stuff you don't like about him like daughter and family relationships as well as inattention. Where is the positive stuff? Has it left you? You got married for some reasons, what happened?. With everything going on you both have become high maintenance.
What ever you do, for your own good, if you leave your marriage stay away from men for a while , like a year. Establish a life and self image which does not include men. Then maybe you can approach a relationship for want instead of some sort of need, be it father for girl or emptiness in marriage, whatever.
Your marriage is sliding away because you are. You are in dire need of some individual personality. If your counselor has not discussed this with you, get another counselor.
2006-10-27 06:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest..Me and my husband are kinda in the same boat..we have arguments and then don't talk to each other for a few hours or days then act like nothing happened..We rarely have sex and show NO emotions towards each other..I know what ya mean..It's so hard...To tell you..having an affair won't solve the problem..It will make things worse...I tell you if you mess around with this other guy and you really start to like him...Your marriage is over...trust me..Which it soun ds like it already is...as well as mine..But Easier said then done but I would really have a sit down and talk with him to find out what he wants to do..Divorce or what..Tell him you can't keep going on like this....Take it from there..Judging by what he says..Then you'll know what you need to do...Good Luck
2006-10-27 06:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by mmarie1221 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you are married, separated, divorced, whatever… the only question i have for you is whether you have children together or not?
If not, the skys the limit. Enjoy yourself, tell him to kiss off, and live your life to the fullest. On a dimmer note, however, it appears to be the reason why you're asking this question isn't because your husband is a two-time loser, but rather the fact you wish to replace him with a new loser. A real man would not try to pick up a married woman unless that woman is sending out signals from hell that she wants someone else other than her husband. But like i said, just an observation.
If you have children with your husband, you need to backtrack off this line of thinking real quick, run to your husband, pray for forgiveness, and live out your soccer mom life in stride. Safety and security are synonymous with boredom, hence the life of a soccer mom. Eat more Bon Bons and watch more Oprah. It is wrong to penalize your husband for being a husband and father, even if he is a boring loser. In your next lifetime, pick better. In fact, don't pick at all and save me the ink on next week's column.
Oh yeah, drop me an email if you want real advice on anything!
The fact is simple, if you have no children, leave the bastard and really start living life. Enjoy what real freedom has to offer. And hopefully, you will have learned not to date losers! If you have children, you really need to take all this back. An adulterous mother of two really does not look good on the evening news, and your children will suffer more with a mom who's getting poked by Barney more than a mom who's not getting poked @ home.
I really hope you fall into the first category!
Be well!
2006-10-27 07:02:46 · answer #4 · answered by diagofaldi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get your marriage in tact. Steer Clear of "the other man". It's Dangerous! Don't do it!
You and your husband need to get back into counseling and remember why you married each other. You can go back to the love you once had and make it grow again, deeper and better, you both just have ot work at it! Be strong, find yourself a good family counselor. The next time you see him, just wrap your arms around him, hug him, look him in they eye and tell him you love him with all your heart. You just might be suprised by the reaction you get, but just in case it's not a good one, don't give up, work hard to change. Once you begin to take positive steps to get the marriage back on track, he will follow suit if you both love each other. Again I tell you....stay CLEAR of the other man. Best of luck to you.
2006-10-27 06:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by favrd1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well--did you or did not make a vow that said until death parts you? For me, that is your answer. Any relationship is worth saving and sometimes it takes time and work. Go back to counseling. Be the one who makes a difference and you'll be amazed. If you are a Christian, read the book--Power of a Praying Wife. It helped me A LOT in my marriage and I pray that it would do the same for you!
BTW--you need to remove that temptation in your life and keep focused on your marriage!
2006-10-27 06:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by Tracy S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say do what your hearts says is right?How old is your daughter? Is she able to understand the full reason why this is happiening. I say get to know the other guy and see if he is something of more than just physical attraction.But I say leave that dude with his video games and go get yourself a happier life.Whether its with the new guy or by yourself.
P.S I like videos games lol srry O and I am only 17 so dont look at words as very good wisdom
2006-10-27 06:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by lupayy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you have a trial separation and see how that works out? Or what about trying another counselor only if you both agree to. If neither want to make an effort to save the marriage, then why should you? But before jumping to any hasty decisions, I think that a trial separation will be the best. As for that other someone, I think that you should wait until you decide what you want to do with your marriage, since it might become to complicated for that other person to handle. Besides, if you do decide to divorce, you don't want Infedility to play a part in your divorce proceedings.
2006-10-27 06:41:54 · answer #8 · answered by Juniper 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first thing you should do is forget about your fantasy and start really working on your marriage. Spend more time together, find things you both enjoy and above all keep the lines of communication open even if you disagree. Just remember you don't always have to win the argument.
2006-10-27 06:41:00 · answer #9 · answered by Racewalking Invicta Swami 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you did not folow the golden rule of married with children
Rule is that your child is part of the relationship
you need to see how think working out between them before you married to this man
now you are miserable probably because the relation start with lust (sex) and not true felling
my advise to you is get out of this relationship
give your daughter & you some time before you jump into another relationship you see you are probably doing the same thing with this man you are talking about show interest (again that can be lust) just because someone show interest that does not mean you need to be with him
can you imagine how many man you might end up with if you do that, man will always show interest it is you who have to choose
for now to choose your daughter
you are an example to her so be her hero
Good Luck
2006-10-27 06:48:30 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋