So my son's father is in prison what what I've heard around 10 years, now he wants me to take my son to visit his family and be able to visit often because I am filing for child support he and his family has the right to custody/or visitation a relationship basically which I don't see to benefit my son. My son's father is no good, involved with drug trafficing, gang bangers, I have not met his family so I can't say for sure, but it seems his family would be the same and if they are not the same and I did let them see their grandson/nephew then I'm sure they would just go take my son to visit his father in prison. I need to know if there's anyway of getting around this, I'm almost on the verge of tears knowing that he might have the ability to take my son away from me. My son is 12 months old. Can anyone help me? I will post more details as I begin to recieve answers to better explain my situation.
2006-10-27 06:37:20 · 12 answers · asked by mda 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Ok so we were never married and he was ovbiously one huge mistake. I do wish he was a better person because I do believe and wish that my son could have a relationship with his father. I live with my parents I have no income except welfare because I'm going to school so me and my son wont have to live paycheck to paycheck I plan to be done with school by the time he reaches 4 or 5. I do wish I could afford a lawyer, I would get one asap if I could if not I'm hoping I can find good resources on lawyers that might be willing to help someone in my situation. I am getting a paternity test done as the father requested which he has not yet done his part on it as my son and I have, yet he is threatening me with custody before he's even taken the test. I wouldn't even bother with child support if I didn't need the cash assistance every month which requires me to go after him for child support. I hope this will help me recieve more detailed answers. Thank you all.
2006-10-27 07:11:02 · update #1
Ok so my son's father has been in jail since April of 05 he's moved around a few times I know a lot about him although the WHOLE STORY is not exactly short enough to put in details on Yahoo. I am on welfare because I have no choice. I am raising my baby in a good environment which means I couldn't just live out of a car if it was necissary. I need the money I get on a monthly basis otherwise since I don't want this man in his life and he WILL NOT be in my son's life than I wouldn't be asking for it, if it wasn't a requirement with welfare to go after him then I wouldn't be! I am still debating on whether I should meet his mom and sister and decide for myself whether they are decent people or not but my intuition tells me their not and I know since I am grown and very responcible I am making the best decisions. I wont work because I can't work and go to school since I refuse to put my son in some day care with people I don't know. I'll leave you with that in reply to last answer.
2006-10-28 18:16:57 · update #2
Once again the question was: Is there any way to be able to get around him and his family having custody, or visitation? The question had nothing to do with allowing him or his family to see my little boy. Besides I'm almost sure he's just trying to convince me to drop the child support, he's a man doesn't mean he's stronger or better or harder than me.
2006-10-28 18:25:37 · update #3
You need to hire a lawyer! I know most people can't afford it - but trust me, you can't afford not to.
Father's do have rights and I agree with a father's right to see his children (when he is out of prison). To my knowledge, and I am not a lawyer, your son's father does not have a right to have someone bring his child to visit him in prison. It is also my understanding that the father's family has no legal right to demand custody or visitation either.
You and your baby have rights too - the right to child support, the right to have your baby grow up in a positive, non-violent environment. It is highly unlikely that any court in their right mind will take your son from you and give your ex sole custody if he has a criminal record (and you have none) and he continues to live criminally when he gets out.
Keep in mind - some people do change and your son could have a very loving, safe relationship with his father and family - the court will not automatically strip the father of his rights simply for the past.
You can't prevent your ex from seeing the baby or having joint custody of the baby, you can't protect your baby, unless you petition the court WITH A LAWYER.
Don't delay - hire a lawyer today!
2006-10-27 06:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by Republican Mom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a paternity issue. If you and your baby's dad were never married, you as the mother are granted sole legal custody of your child. If there was never any changes or modifications to the custody or visitation rights, than you have every choice to decide if you want your son to know his dad's family. If not, you as his sole legal guardian can choose to have him not meet them.
Also, if the father is in prison, a judge may not order him to pay child support since he doesn't have any real income. It all depends on the judge and the state you live in.
My husband's child's mother is in prison serving a 50 year sentence for drug related charges and we are fighting for custody right now. They were not married and she was granted sole legal custody, being that she is the mom. Now, since she is in prison, the grandparent's have guardianship but we are fighting them to get sole legal custody and primary placement. We will probably never see a dime of child support from the mom since she is in prison probably making .35 an hour working in the kitchen.
My advice is that if you are the sole legal guardian, they can not come after you to take your son away. As long as they do not have any kind of rights to your son. If they do not even have a relationship with them, it would be even harder for them to take him away..honestly, our lawyer says that if there is a fit and willing parent in the picture..there should be no reason for any child to be raised any where else than by their biological parent.
Good luck and don't sweat it! You are in no way going to lose your son to those people!
2006-10-29 13:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by juliensmommy03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Child support and visitation are two separate things. Just because someone pays support does not entitle them or family members to visitation. I assume you weren't married to the guy, but is he on the birth certificate? If he is, he might be able to get visitation -- however, that is something he has to do through the courts. He can't just tell you to do it, and you aren't obligated. If he's not on the birth certificate, then you can make the dad prove paternity and fight for visitation. Since he's in jail that might take a while. I think you should still get something that indicates you have sole, legal custody of your child, though.
2006-10-27 06:49:48 · answer #3 · answered by tsopolly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can only speak for Texas. The only way any of the relatives can petition for rights is if the child is not being cared for properly. Assuming that you are doing a good job in this area, there is nothing they can do and the court will not even consider their plea. Because the father has been incarcerated, you will not be required to have the child visit with him. You can feel pretty safe that you will not have any problems from a legal aspect on this matter. Again this is for Texas. You will have to check the laws where you live to be certain. I suspect you will find they are pretty similar. Good Luck!
2006-10-27 06:44:48 · answer #4 · answered by Letsee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sooner or later your son is going to need to see his father for himself and make up his own mind who he is. Obviously he is too young to consider this question now but it will happen and you will do best to let him decide for himself.
Ethically if you expect child support it is only reasonable that the father should have some visitation rights and so long as you have custody those visits should be on your terms not the fathers.
As for the question of custody itself, the court will side with whoever it sees as best suited to see to the child's future. The fathers record being what you suggest it is, should prove no contest.
A Falcon can raise her chicks, keep them warm, teach them to groom, feed them, shelter them, protect them and give them much love but when it comes time to fly the chick will fly or fall and there is nothing the mother can do about it! Perhaps the fathers mother had to learn this too. It's worth finding out!
2006-10-27 07:17:07 · answer #5 · answered by namazanyc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband's been in federal prison for 26 years. We've always taken kids and grandkids to see him. It's a very controlled environment in there, and an officer would terminate a visit if your Ex got out of hand.
I believe in tough love, and it sounds like you could benefit from some honesty about your situation.
Seems like you could stop all this if you got a job and quit trying to get child support from him. You say you don't want to live paycheck to paycheck....well, we all do, honey :-) I know women who sleep in cars to keep their Exes from finding them and their kids.
You rattled the cage when you tried to get support...how's he supposed to support you from prison making 8 cents an hour? If his parents have to pay it thru some weird law I'm not familiar with, then they may have the right to see the baby. You want their money, they want to see that the money is being spent on the baby, not on you. What do they know about you? You don't like to work, you had a baby with their idiot son, and now you're on welfare trying to get child support....hmmm.
And yes, they could easily take him into the prison to see your ex. Minors are not required to have any identification or be approved for visiting. A baby or young child with an adult would not raise any questions at all when being processed.
There are obvious questions here, like you never met his family but are having kids with him, so you don't know if he's third generation street trash or just an idiot gangsta wannabee from a decent family? If they are decent, I can see how they might wonder about YOU. The baby's only 12 months old, but you're sorta iffy on when the dad went to prison and for how long....was this just a fling long enough to get pregnant??
You have made some mistakes here and I'm not going to bash you for it, but I don't think you're telling the whole story. It sounds like he might be afraid you're going to vanish with his baby. Prison has a way of showing "gangstas" what real life is all about, and how tough they aren't.
Why not go meet the family, without taking the baby, and find out if they are devils or angels? If they're "devils," then get off your butt and get a job and give up on getting child support. Keep yourself and the baby away from them. They don't have a lot of options if you take yourself out of the picture and move elsewhere.
But if they're nice people, if you really want to take another step in growing up, don't take advantage of their kindness, show up with the baby, and then vanish from their lives. You're still young enough to get your life together, and they may be willing to help you. It could work out for all of you.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-28 17:49:29 · answer #6 · answered by His Old Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FYI - check the lasws in your state. ALL 50 states have enacted grandparent visitation rights laws of some sort. It is quite possible that your son's fathers family could sue for visitation.
Perhaps you should meet them (the grandparents) and get to know them before you make a blanket judgement about them based on the behavior of their son.
2006-10-27 06:56:47 · answer #7 · answered by tweeteebrrd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a good lawyer and also a psychiatrist and have him evaluate. You have to be able to prove in court that what you are saying about his lifestyle is true and that it will endanger your child. Secondly, his family has no rights to your son, only the father does. So as long as you can get the courts to keep him out, then you won't have to worry about the family. I know it is tough, but keep going. Your son will thank you when he gets older.
2006-10-27 06:47:44 · answer #8 · answered by heather d 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You did not say whether you were married to him or not. If you were, there should be something in the divorce proceedings regarding custody and visitation. If you weren't married, I suggest you contact a lawyer to try to obtain a restraining order or judgement against parental rights. Good luck with it.
2006-10-27 06:49:09 · answer #9 · answered by stephen p 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my mom had the same problem with my dad.. just the fact that she didn't want him to around me and my siblings the court says he still has to pay child support but he is not allowed to see us kids.. i think the safest thing to do is get a protective order, what he is into is not safe for you or your baby... you obviously know that. i think the protective order is the safest way to go and i think you can put his family in it too, if him or his family violates in most states he will be punished.. so you should look into that i think its the best way to go.. good luck!
2006-10-27 06:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by bbb h 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋