Please diagnose my husband?

Question

My brother-in-law is 56 yrs. old, not formally educated but quite intelligent; he is physically large (6'3" 245 lbs), self-imployed installer of sprinkler systems; he comes from a dysfunctional, abusive home, some of his siblings are alcoholics; he served in Viet Nam; he gets up at 5 or 6 a.m. and works hard till he comes home, then he literally drops. He's fat and hygeine suffers and he is a slob when he comes to house work, picking up after himself. He would let me come along behind him and clean up his messes and not think he was causing me any unfair additional work. He yells at me and is ALWAYS correct on any issue, and constantly interrupts and raises his voice if he disagrees. Yet, he is thoughtful and generous with his time or talents and effects with my children, grandchildren and my siblings. He'll drop what he's doing to help them, just not for me. I don't want suggestions for me however. I want to know clinically what is wrong with him? What does he suffer from etc.

Answer 1

He suffers from Narcissist Personality Disorder, where he is apathetic (unable to understand any plight you have), displays a Mr. Wonderful facade to the everyone in the world except you, because he doesn't really care about you. This type of personality disorder is often associated with misogyny, or a general hatred of women.

The disorder is one of few that are incurable, impossible to treat and is completely inflexible. Meaning, he will never, ever change. No meds or therapy will change him. Sorry but that's my diagnosis as a psychology major and a lifelong study of personality disorders.

Answer 2

I can recognize this as post-traumatic stress disorder. Viet-Nam did so many boys in. He has a good heart, I'm sure, but has a hard time relating to others. Give the poor guy a break and remember that he has seen, heard and done things that would scare the %&#* out of you. Maybe at some point he will get counselling, which is a very long process. If not, just try to understand.

Answer 3

It does not sound like there is anything wrong with him. He suffered abuse as a child and most of the time, as an adult the person will treat others they way that they were treated. He thinks that he is always right, because his parents probably always said that they were right.

Abuse is cyclical and it is very possible that the abused child will repeat the abuses of his or her parents. They may however find a couple of those abuses so grievous that they will avoid committing them at all costs.

He does not thank you for cleaning up his messes, but why could be a couple of reasons. His mother might have always cleaned after his father and he sees a woman much as his father did, as a servant. He might not really care what his home looks like and sees your cleaning as something that you are interested in that does not concern him.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 4

He doesn't need to be diagnose from what I have read he seems like a hard-working man and any man don't want to come home after a hard day of work and clean up when they have a wife they can help out it is 50-50. He is probably tired after his hard work, come on give the man some credit here. You should be supported and help him lose the weight, try going to the gym with him or do excercises outdoor. I think he need a supported person for him to help him loose his weight and help him with other chores also. To me there is nothing wrong with him but he is a hard-working man.

Answer 5

Sounds like he very depressed, over whelmed and unhappy with his life. How stimulating it must be to go to a thankless job everyday, being so worn out. You have no energy for anyone including himself.
Maybe he imagine his life being a lot more different at 56. He isn't thinking of you or anyone else. Sometimes people feel if they close their eyes to what going on in their life. That it will just go away. I believe there are depression or medical sites you can find. Take the tests and see what they come up with. Good luck

Answer 6

You have spoiled him and he doesn't realize he is hurting you. You need to tell him everything you just told us and see if he is willing to change any of it. If he isn't willing to change then you are going to have to think about what you want and what you are going to do. Have you thought about leaving ..just so you can have some peace or perhaps find some one who does think of you first before the others?
It is sad that you have been together for so long and yet you come last in his thoughts.
~Good Luck~

Answer 7

I don't have any clinical names as I am a railroad worker, not a clinician. I'd say he suffers from post-traumatic syndrome from both Nam and his childhood, notably the latter. His verbal abuse of you, "the woman who does the cleaning like mom," is reflective of his father's treatment of his mother. His treatment of the children is cognizant of his own desires for a happy childhood.

Answer 8

There could be many things ranging from him being a inconsiderate slob to him having a mentall health issue such as depression or PTSD for his behaviours.

The only way to tell you for 100% certainty is to have him evaluated by a doctor.

Answer 9

sounds to me like he tired when he gets home
probably has a wife that spends to much, doesn't cook or do that well cleaning the house
his kids constantly want new Designer shoes and clothes never tell him they love him or ever thank him for all that they have, BUT this is just a mans guess!

Answer 10

Bad habits. There's nothing mentally or physically wrong with him. He's just learned what he can get away with: yelling at you, leaving messes, being a slob. You taught him how to treat you.