Should I feel guilty for sending my 12 week old to daycare?

Question

I have been out on maternity leave for the past three months and must return to work for financial reasons. My 12 week old is in a very good daycare with wonderful caregivers. The ratio in the infant room is 8 babies and three teachers. They have a great curriculum and he seems to be very happy there. Should I feel guilty for sending him and do whatever it takes to be able to be a stay at home mom? or should I keep him enrolled and have more money for his future? I am so worried I will miss something he does!

Answer 1

It's normal for you to feel guilty! Thank goodness you found a great daycare with loving caregivers, so that you can work and not be consumed with worry all day. Your precious bundle will do the same 'new' things while he is at home in the evenings and mornings with you! God bless!

Answer 2

What we think is really not important. A Mother needs to go with her gut instinct, always. If he's happy and you are happy with the daycare and deep down inside you feel like it's the best situation for your family unit then you have made the right choice. If you are feeling like you want more time with him then maybe cut back the hours you work, restructure your finances so you can spend more time with him. I certainly would not feel guilty either way. Do what is right for your family unit. Don't forget any decision you make this week does not have to be set in stone. Keep your options open. If the decision you make isn't working out then change it.

I do have to say, my daughter just turned 13 months and she will be starting daycare in a week. I'm going back to work for 6 hours a day. This past year has been a struggle financially and I am really looking forward to having extra money again but I am going to miss her!Me being a SAHM is no longer working for my family and I know my daughter is going to LOVE daycare. We have visited the daycare a couple of times and my daughter made her self at home and put up a fuss when it was time to leave. Then again I did not leave the room. I'm giving it 2 weeks, if my daughter is really unhappy, then I will quit my job and see what else I can do. Keep your options open.

Good luck, it's a really tough choice. Just go with your gut instinct.

Answer 3

This is a very personal decision you will have to make on your own. You've already given him an excellent beginning! It is normal to feel guilty when leaving your child for the first time, but it should get easier. I did not become a stay-at-home mom until my third child was almost 18mos old, and then it cost almost as much as I was bringing home just to keep the 3 in childcare. I'm glad I'm able to stay home now, but I also know that they learned a lot while in daycare!
Good luck with whatever you decide, and know that if you make a well thought out decision, it will be the right one for you no matter which way you go!

Answer 4

First off - congrats on the new baby. They are precious!

You shouldn't feel guilty about leaving your baby at daycare while you go to work but I know you will. I am a mother of two & I have felt bad about leaving them ever since I left the first child.

As long as you trust the people keeping your child & he seems healthy & happy there then it will be okay. It is hard for all of us working parents to leave our children in the hands of someone else even if it is the child's grand parents. You will always feel a little bit of guilt. But if you were to stay home, then you might feel another form of guilt for not being able to give them as much or for not having a work-life for yourself.

I would love to stay home with my two children but financially I can not do that. Maybe one day I will be able to stay home & have another child to keep. Then I would feel guilty for not being able to do so with the others.

Lose either way you look at it. Just enjoy the time you have with him. Get easy to cook meals, disposal dishes, cut whatever corners you have to, to be able to spend as much time as possible with him. The time goes by quick and he will be in regular school and too busy for you.

Good luck and enjoy your baby.

Answer 5

Yes, you should feel guilty. No matter what the ratio of "caregivers" to children is it is not the same as YOU being there to raise YOUR child.
Cut back on expenses. It isn't as hard to do as you think. You can stay home if you choose to do so. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET staying home to raise your child. If you absolutely need additional cash find something you can do in the evening or weekends for a few hours here or there while your hubby is home. Sell on ebay. Look into MaryKay, Pampered Chef, etc.
In addition to being there for your child you will also be there for your husband. It is so important to build a strong home. It is nearly impossible when both parents are so stressed from a long day at the "office".
Good Luck.

Answer 6

No, don't feel guilty about sending him to some place great! He will be in good hands. This will allow your family to be financially stable, there is nothing wrong with that. If I had it my way, I'd be a stay at home mommy all the time, but we can't afford that, so I have to work. You and your baby will be just fine. Give it some time, and you can see your baby's progress.

Answer 7

don't feel guilty. props to you for thinking about your son's future.

if you feel that you are going to be missing out too much get a digital or video camera and ask the caregivers to record as much as they can. that way you will have the memories forever.

remember that when i child does something for the first time it isn't a mastered skill so even if you were home with him you might miss it. just try and spend weekends and after work together as much as possible

good luck

Answer 8

This is one of those situations where no matter what you decide you will always wonder, what if.... Do whatever you need to do as far as work goes, he will be OK. I decided to do the opposite, stay at home with my children until they were in school, and it was a financial hardship. I loved it, but we had to pinch pennies like you wouldn't believe and we never had money for things like movies or restaurants. Try not to worry.

Answer 9

as long as the caregivers are good, there is no reason for you to stay at home. it will get easier the older your baby gets. sometime there is nothing you can do because of financial reasons. props to you for wanting to be a great parent, but money is money. kids can't go to college on hopes and dreams.

Answer 10

Having been an early childhood caregiver & infant care teacher for several years I have some questions & thoughts to share that may be of help.

#1. What do YOU want to do?

-If what you want, in your heart of hearts, is to stay home with your baby, then I recommend that you do it. You will find a way to do it and create money for his future; the world works in mysterious ways!

Staying home with ones child is not for the feint of heart and is most likely a much more difficult and low paying, albeit super rewarding profession. Our culture is not very supportive of it and takes a lot for granted. Some countries in Europe have a much more progressive attitude about it and actually pay mothers to stay home with their children for the first few years! Imagine!!!

If you choose this path, I hope that you have a strong support network of people who can help you. Perhaps friends and family nearby as well as mommy & me groups, etc.

-If you want to go back to work, I recommend being ok with that as well. Feeling guilty about it is not going to help your child or you deal with it any better. But make no mistake about it: you will miss A LOT of what happens in his early life.

*The first year of a human beings life is the most crucial time of development in who that child is becoming. We develop more, physically, emotionally & intellectually in that time than in any other time in our lives. (Actually it's the first 5 years, but I happen to believe the first is crucial)

That being said, daycare can actually be an incredible help with raising your child. The education of caregivers is better and better as is the understanding of human development and what children need. Having people who study these things as an important part of your child's life may be exactly what you need.

But please understand, that early childhood educators, themselves are not paid very well, they do what they do for the love of children. And the turnover rates in preschools are surpassed only by busboys and gas station attendents. It is hard work and yet incredibly rewarding, burn out is incredibly common. If you have the right caregivers in the right supportive situation, this relationship can be for the benefit of all.

*The ratios of your school are great and it sounds as if you really appreciate the teachers. What is the turnover rate at the school? Have the teachers been working there long? How long will the teachers stay with the children? Until he leaves for preschool? Continuity of care is probably one of the most important aspects of having your infant in care. How does the center your child is in support and care for its teachers? These are all very important questions to ask.

What it boils down to is RELATIONSHIP. If you are able to build a solid and healthy relationship with your childs caregivers, and they stick around, they can become partners in helping you with the monumental task of raising a child in today's world. That is something not to feel guilty about, but to REJOICE!!!

In order to feel better about leaving your son in care, really get to know who the caregivers are. Are they people you would actually spend time with? What is important to them? They WILL get to see and do alot of things with your little boy that you will miss, and vice versa. If your relationship is strong and you appreciate and like each other, you will find a way to share the information and milestones that will work for you. And remember that your child's caregivers are having a very real impact on who your son is becoming.

Either choice you make will involve a great deal of work smoothing things out and getting comfortable with the situation in the beginning, but in the long run both situations really pay off. Hopefully, no matter what you choose, you & your family will make lifelong friends and create a better support network for the future.

*It is important to remember that it takes a village to raise a child, and yet in this day and age the village has a completely different form to it.

I wish you well as you struggle with your decision. I know you will do what is right for you and your son!

Kristine